Bar Night

[tirepanted3]

Hi, everyone. The following is a short, mostly self-contained story set in the same continuity as the "Spacesuit" saga, taking place shortly after the events of Volume 7. I was trying to find a way to continue/resolve some of the minor character threads left dangling by the series, and I toyed with this idea a while before writing it down. Let me know what you think, and if you'd like to see more stories like it.





It was a busy Saturday night at Debby's Dive Bar.

Dozens of college-aged patrons buzzed about, drinking, dancing, and dishing. They crowded into booths to swap gossip, and swung their hips on the dance floor in concert with the jukebox. Every so often, someone would drop their drink, and the sound of glass shattering would startle, then thrill, the people nearby. In short, it was a night filled with lively activity throughout the building.

And Oksana hated it.

She had always hated crowds, ever since her time in Russia. As a former police agent, she had grown used to working in the quiet, the better for stealthy activities to progress unabated. A beer-scented bar on a Saturday night was her personal hell.

And yet, here she was. Standing behind the bar, watching the crowds mull thus way and that. She felt oddly overdressed in her bartender uniform - a white button-down shirt beneath grey sleeveless vest and back bowtie, as well as black pants and dark brown shoes. She looked more professional than most of the patrons she was serving that night.

I never should have let Polina talk me into this.

A young couple stumbled over to the bar, the man's arm around the woman's shoulder.

"Two glasses... of Blue Moon," he slurred.

Oksana raised an eyebrow. "Haven't you had enough to drink already?"

"Look, lady," the guy replied. "You're not my mom... Just give us the beer."

Oksana held her tongue, and resisted the urge to clobber the man with a wine bottle. "Right away, sir."

She bent down and rummaged beneath the bar, where many of the drinks were stored. Tonight, however, the space under the bar was more crowded than usual. This was because Oksana had to make room to store the unconscious young woman who was currently stashed in a seated position next to the beer bottles.

The woman in question had light skin and reddish-brown hair cut in a short bob. Currently she wore nothing other than a pink triangle bra and white bikini panties. Her wrists and ankles were bound with silver duct tape, and another strip of tape covered her mouth.

The woman was Debby, the owner and tender of the bar, and the person whose uniform Oksana had "borrowed" for the evening. A prospect Oksana was now regretting, due to the irritating nature of her assumed job.

"Surprised you can sleep through all this noise," she murmured to Debby.

"Where's our drinks?" the man called from above the bar.

Oksana grabbed the bottle and straightened up. "Here you are, sir."

She poured a couple of glasses and slid them over.

"Thanks," the man grinned. "Hey... I don't... I don't remember seeing you here last weekend."

He was drunk, but clearly still semi-cogent. Oksana shrugged. "I'm the substitute. Debby is under the weather and asked me to fill in."

"Well, you're prettier than she is," the man replied.

Upon hearing this, his girlfriend angrily stepped on his foot.

"Ow! Hey, wait... I was just making a comment..." the guy protested as his girlfriend stomped away.

Oksana sighed. "College students."

At that moment, Polina walked up to the bar, an empty tray balanced on one hand. She was dressed in a waitress uniform of short-sleeved black shirt, dark blue knee-length skirt, and black sneakers.

"Table 14 wants a round of margaritas, extra lime juice," she said.

Oksana sighed. "How much longer do we have to stay here?"

"Lighten up, Oksy!" Polina said brightly. "It's fun to get a night on the town, isn't it?"

"Don't call me Oksy. And no, it isn't fun. I'd rather be on the couch with a cup of tea and an old paperback."

"Just give it a bit of time, okay?" Polina urged. "I'm sure she'll show up eventually."

The "she" Polina referred to was the college-aged daughter of a prominent US ambassador. Someone Oksana and Polina had spent a lot of time trying to contact.

It had been a little over three weeks since the NASA mission orchestrated by the Russian government and spearheaded by Dr. Julia Chen, which had led to a lot of Russian agents being arrested. Oksana and Polina had managed to escape, in no small part because Polina had grown wary of her role as a Russian agent and wanted to get away. Oksana had been resistant at first - and quite angry - but after seeing what had happened to their coworkers, she had begrudgingly come around.

Now Oksana and Polina were stuck in Florida, having broken off all contact with the Russian government. They needed a way to move forward - and Polina had suggested they try to reform themselves as American citizens. Oksana had been reluctant at first, especially since they had no way of contacting the US government without raising a lot of alarms in both countries.

It was Polina who suggested a way of circumventing the system by stealing some info from a government official and forging their way into the system. And her means of doing so involved first befriending that official or someone close to her and getting some information from them.

So it was that Oksana and Polina were now working undercover at a college bar, keeping a lookout for a young woman whom they could grill for information (presumably, after a few drinks). But so far, no luck.

"How 'bout those margaritas?" Polina asked.

Oksana groaned. "We're staying here another fifteen more minutes, tops. After that, I'm out."

"Keep the faith, Oksy... ana. Oksana," Polina quickly corrected herself as she saw her friend's eyes narrow.

Oksana shook her head and bent down again behind the bar. She moved a little further along to where the margarita bottles were kept. She had had to move those over as well to make room for the second unconscious woman stored beneath the bar, a couple of cabinets away from Debby.

This second woman was a waitress, with dark skin and short, frizzy black hair. She wore a purple bandeau bra and black cheeky panties. Silver duct tape bound her hands and feet, and covered her mouth as well.

"Excuse me, miss," Oksana muttered wryly as she reached around the waitress' generous chest to grab the bottle she needed.

Then she straightened up again and began pouring the drinks.

"How are the two Sleeping Beauties?" Polina asked.

Oksana scowled. "Lower your voice."

"Relax... No one's gonna hear us over this music."

"I'll relax when I'm back home," Oksana retorted, putting the drinks on the tray.

Wherever that is...

Polina gave Oksana a sympathetic smile, then turned and made her way back through the crowd.

She approached Table 14 with a wide grin, setting the tray of drinks down in front of the young women sitting there. "Here you are, ladies... Enjoy!"

One of the patrons, a blonde girl in a tight blue dress, took a sip from one of the cups. Her nose wrinkled. "Ugh! Awful stuff."

"You don't like any of these drinks, Vega," one of her friends laughed.

"Only in low-class bars like this," the blonde retorted.

Polina shrugged as she walked away. There was no pleasing some people...

Then she paused, and her eyebrows raised. She spotted someone sitting in a corner table, alone. A young woman who looked... familiar.

She was a young Latina, with caramel skin and dark hair tied back in a short ponytail. She wore a lavender dress, nothing too fancy or immodest. Still, to Polina's eye, she one of the prettiest girls at the bar tonight.

That's because Polina had encountered this woman a few weeks ago - she was Lupe, a paramedic who had worked at NASA. Their encounter had been brief, and not particularly friendly - Polina had mugged Lupe and stolen her uniform. Still, Polina had developed a small crush on the demure and attractive Lupe - though she had never expected to see the paramedic again.

But there she was - dressed differently but almost certainly the same woman, seated all alone in the corner of the bar.

Polina wanted to go over and reintroduce herself to Lupe... but she wasn't sure how she could do it. Especially not while dressed in the cheap uniform of a bar waitress.

Polina felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around.

"Hey." It was Vega, the blonde college girl. "Where's the bathroom? I need to change my lipstick."

Polina eyed Vega. She was tall and curvy, with light skin and straight blonde hair that fell below her shoulders. Her light blue eyes were matched by the blue sleeveless dress she wore, with the skirt cutting at mid-thigh. She wore a pair of shiny black pumps and carried a small black purse.

Polina liked this dress. And for her current intentions, it was a better outfit than the waitress uniform.

"Hey, barmaid, wake up." Vega snapped her fingers in front of Polina's face. "What are you doing?"

"Just... admiring your outfit," Polina replied.

"Don't remind me," Vega said. "I can't believe I wasted such a gorgeous dress on such a crummy bar."

Polina nodded politely. This girl was quite rude, and needed to be taken down a peg.

"Look, enough talk. Where's the bathroom?"

Polina smiled. "Right this way, miss."

She led the impatient blonde away from the tables, navigating away from the crowds. Within moments, they stepped into a back hallway.

Polina pointed at an old wooden door, slightly ajar. "There's the restroom, miss."

Vega opened the door and peered inside. She frowned. "No, you moron. This is a broom closet."

Polina shrugged. "That works just as well."

She shoved Vega hard in the back, forcing the woman to stumble into the closet.

"HEY! What are you--"

Polina quickly jumped into the closet after Vega, shutting the door behind them.

The wooden door was old, but still thick enough to muffle most of the scuffling which followed. The noise from the bar was loud enough to drown out the rest.

Minutes later, the closet door opened. Polina stepped out, admiring the sharp blue dress and black pumps she now wore.

She turned back to the closet and smiled. "Fits like a dream, hon. Thanks a million."

Vega sat in the corner of the closet, stripped to a vanilla demicup bra and black hiphuggers. She was bound with a white length of twine and gagged with a grey dishcloth. The expression on her face was of utter confusion.

"Have a lovely night." Polina blew her a kiss and shut the door.

Then she strode back towards the barroom, removing the scrunchie from her dark hair and shaking out her ponytail.

As she passed by the bar, Oksana caught sight of her and raised an eyebrow.

"Polina, what the hell are you doing? Where did you get that outfit?"

Polina winked at her. "Just taking a quick break. Wish me luck."

"A break? But--"

Polina quickly walked away before Oksana could finish her protest.

Lupe was still sitting at the table, scrolling through her phone. She had an impatient look on her face.

Polina approached, pulled up a chair, and sat down across from Lupe.

"Hello," she said seductively.

Lupe didn't look up. "Sorry, that seat's taken... I'm waiting for someone."

"I won’t take much time," Polina replied. "Unless you want me to, Lupe."

At this, Lupe looked up. "How do you know my – ?"

She froze upon seeing Polina's face.

"You..."

Polina smiled. "Hi... Don't worry, I come in peace."

"I'll scream," Lupe said. "Get away from me, or I'll scream."

"Wait, wait!" Polina held up her hands. "Please, I... I wanted to talk to you. I swear I mean you no harm."

"You shot me with a tranquilizer gun," Lupe replied tersely. "Stole my clothes and tied me up. Did you not 'mean me any harm' there?"

Polina sighed. "Look, I... I'm sorry about that. Desperate circumstances. You seemed really nice, I didn't want to hurt you. But..."

"But?" Lupe asked suspiciously.

Polina took a deep breath. "Look, I'll be honest. I think you're cute, okay? And you seem like a nice girl. I just wanted to... I dunno, buy you a drink, maybe get to know you. I'm really not such a bad person."

Lupe stared at her for several seconds. "Are you serious?"

"Well, I..."

"You have the nerve," Lupe said, "to attack me and steal my clothes, and then show up a few weeks later and ask me on a date? Are you insane?"

Polina kept silent.

"I'm straight, by the way," Lupe continued. "But even if I did date women... there's no way I would ever choose you. You're disgusting."

"I..."

"Get out of my sight," Lupe said. "Right now."

Polina stared at her for several seconds. Then she nodded and stood up.

"Have... have a good night," she said.

But Lupe was already back to focusing on her phone.

As Polina walked back through the bar, Oksana intercepted her. "Polina, what are you doing? Who was that woman?"

Polina looked at Oksana sadly. "Can we... can we go?"

Oksana was about to press further, when she saw that tears were forming in Polina's eyes.

She nodded. "Yes, of course. Let's go."

*********************

Oksana didn't say another word till she and Polina were out of the bar.

"I'll bring the car around."

Polina nodded. She stood at the corner quietly, as Oksana walked towards the alley where she had stashed their vehicle.

It was not a cold night, but Polina felt chilly anyhow. She suddenly hated the blue dress she now wore.

Her thoughts were interrupted as the door to the bar opened again, and a visibly shaken woman stepped out. It was Lupe.

The young Latina was staring at her phone, a look of horror on her face. Polina couldn't help noticing.

"Hey... are you okay?"

Lupe looked at Polina in surprise.

"I... I..."

"Please, let me help." Polina said sympathetically.

Lupe began to cry. Polina was taken aback at first, but quickly reached forward and embraced the young woman.

"There, there, honey... It's okay... Just tell me what's wrong..."

Lupe wiped her eyes. "M... my cousin..."

"Your cousin?"

Lupe nodded. "She just flew in from Colombia... She's visiting America for a few days... I was supposed to meet her at this bar, show her the sights around the city... But I just got a call from her... She's been arrested."

Polina raised her eyebrows. "What for?"

"They... they suspect her of being a criminal," Lupe explained. "They think she's part of the USB gang."

Polina looked surprised, then nodded understandingly. The Uniform Swiping Babes had become an increased presence in recent weeks, with police instructed to be more alert for uniform stealing crimes.

A few weeks ago, Delilah Hargrove, an anti-uniform stealing crusader, had been elected mayor of the city, and she had wasted no time in making her intentions known. Before even taking office, she was working with the police to put uniform-stealing women on the alert, to put greater priority on their arrest and capture. Over a dozen young women had been arrested in the past week - although it took some sorting to figure out which ones were true USBs and which ones were innocent.

"She's innocent," Lupe insisted. "Elena would never harm another woman, for any reason... But she sounded so scared on the phone... I'm her only contact in the city, and I don't have any money to bail her out... I don't know what to do."

At that moment, Oksana pulled up in their car. "Come on, Polina, let's go."

Polina glanced at Oksana. Then she looked back at Lupe, who was still crying softly.

Then she spoke. "Lupe... we'll save your cousin."

Lupe looked up. "What?"

Oksana raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I promise you." Polina put a hand on Lupe's shoulder. "My friend and I will save Elena."

"But..."

"I owe you one, after what I did to you last time," Polina continued. "Come on, get in the car. Let's go rescue her from the cops."

Lupe stared at Polina for several seconds. Then she slowly nodded. "O... okay..."

Polina helped Lupe into the rear of the car. Then she sat down beside Oksana in the front.

"What the hell?" Oksana whispered. "I thought we were done for the night."

"Please," Polina whispered back. "The police arrested her cousin. She needs our help."

Oksana stared at Polina, frowning.

Polina batted her eyelids. "Pretty please?"

Oksana sighed. "This better be worth it."

Polina grinned. "You're the best, Oksy."

Oksana grimaced, and glance din the rearview mirror. "At what station are they holding her?"

*******************

Elena swallowed. "Please, I... I don't know anything."

"Cut the crap, honey," the blonde policewoman said sternly. "We know you're a USB."

"What is that?" Elena asked incredulously. "Please, I'm not from around here..."

"Don't lie to us," the blonde officer interjected.

Her partner, standing in the corner of the interrogation room, sighed. "Simone, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down, Vivian," the blonde replied. "This girl's a crook, she just won't admit it."

The two policewomen had been interrogating Elena, the woman they had arrested, for over ten minutes. They had been pressing her for information about the USBs, but to no avail.

"Please, let me go," Elena begged. "I'm not who you think I am, I..."

"Honey, that dress you're wearing is at least a size too small," Simone declared. "It's obviously not yours. You stole it."

"No! It's a rental... They didn't have any in my size, and I was pressed for time..."

Simone rolled her eyes. "Sure you were."

Vivian sighed again. "I hope you're right about this, partner."

Vivian and Simone had been working on the police force for several years. The two women were opposites in many ways - the light-skinned, blonde-ponytailed Simone was short-tempered and quite tough in the interrogation room. Vivian, with dark skin and short black hair, was quieter and more cautious, and more patient when it came to interrogating suspects. The two women had inevitably become partners, with their opposites complementing each other.

There was one area, though, where Vivian and Simone were in complete agreement: They both hated uniform thieves.

That hatred originated last year, when Vivian and Simone had been tasked to escort the criminal Dr. Julia Chen to prison. Both women had been mugged for their uniforms, then tied up in their underwear and hidden in some bushes. The experience still felt humiliating to think back on.

Both officers were quite thrilled when Delilah Hargrove had been elected mayor, and eagerly joined her crusade to crack down on uniform stealing. They had spent the last few nights patrolling for potential USBs - and in Elena, they thought they had found one.

But she disagreed, even under the hot lights of the interrogation room. "Please, I'm innocent!"

Simone shook her head and turned to Vivian. "Any ideas, partner?" she asked in a low voice.

Vivian sighed. "I think we should get some coffee before we go any further."

Simone smiled. "The place across the street should still be open. I’ll give them a call."

*******************

Oksana parked the car about a block away from the police station.

"Wait here," Polina told Lupe. "We'll be back soon with Elena."

Lupe nodded quietly. Then, as Oksana and Polina exited the car, she spoke. "Please..."

Polina turned back to her.

"...be careful," Lupe said.

Polina smiled warmly. "Of course."

Then she and Oksana walked quietly down the block towards the station.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?" Oksana asked.

Polina looked surprised for a moment. "Is it... that obvious?"

"Only to people with eyes," Oksana deadpanned.

Polina shrugged. "She's a nice girl, and good-looking. But she's still mad at me for what I did to her at NASA..."

Oksana sighed. "Polina, you're not exactly in position for a healthy romance... Especially considering everything going on in our lives."

"I know, but... it's been a while since I've had any real relationship," Polina replied. "Haven't you ever been in love?"

Oksana shrugged. "I had a husband, back in Russia."

Polina looked surprised at this. "You're married?"

"Was married," Oksana corrected her. "We divorced about two years ago. He didn't like the way I risked my life every night as an SVR agent, wearing disguises and going on dangerous missions... He wanted me to settle down and become a mother, raise a family." She shrugged. "I wasn’t interested. Eventually, we drifted apart."

Polina's face fell. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Oksana replied. "I'm proud of the choices I made... no matter where they've led us. I'd much rather leave the old me behind."

They had reached the station. Polina was about to say something else, but Oksana motioned for her to be quiet.

"We can reminisce more later," she said quietly. "Let's focus on the task at hand."

Polina nodded. They both slipped into the alley near the station and circled the perimeter.

The women cautiously peeked through a rear window, giving them a decent view of the interior of the station.

Despite the late hour, the police station still had a few officers milling about. A secretary sat at the front desk, lazily flipping through a magazine. A door opened from one of the back rooms, and a policewoman stepped out. Before she closed the door, Oksana and Polina caught a glimpse of another policewoman inside the room, along with a frightened-looking Latina seated at the table.

"That must be Elena," Polina whispered. "Let's go break her out!"

"Hold those horses, girl," Oksana replied. "That place is filled with cops. We need to do this carefully."

She watched as the policewoman approached the secretary at the front desk.

"Erin," she said, "mind phoning that coffee shop down the block? Vivian and I could use a couple of lattes."

The secretary nodded. "Sure thing. They're pretty prompt with deliveries."

Oksana and Polina looked at each other and smiled.

***********************

Kathy stepped out of the all-night coffee shop, carefully carrying a cup carrier with four steaming lattes.

The young barista was always happy to make deliveries, especially to the local police station. A brisk night walk was a great way to shake up her all-night job.

Kathy didn't hate her job - and she needed the money to help put herself through grad school - but she didn't mind admitting that the late hours could be tiring. So she always appreciated the chance to step outside the shop's confines and enjoy the outdoors, even if only for a few minutes.

Kathy was a tall girl in her mid-twenties, with light skin and dark brown hair tied back in a ponytail. She wore a grey short-sleeve uniform shirt, black jeans, and a green smock, as well as a matching green baseball cap and white sneakers. Her ponytail bobbed up and down as she strode down the sidewalk, careful not to spill any of the drinks she was carrying.

As she passed by an alleyway, she heard a voice behind her. "Excuse me, miss!"

Kathy turned to see a young, dark-haired woman smiling and waving at her.

"Are you delivering those coffees to the police station, by any chance?" Polina asked.

Kathy nodded. "How did you know?"

Polina reached out. "I think I should hold those for a minute."

"Hold them? But..." Kathy was surprised as Polina took the cup carrier from her.

"Why do you want to hold them?" Kathy asked in confusion.

"So that you don't drop anything while my friend mugs you," Polina explained.

"What?" Kathy asked. "What do you... Eeeep!"

She let out a cry of shock as a pair of hands shot out from behind, grabbed her shoulders, and pulled her into the alley.

Polina stood patiently in front of the alley, cup carrier in hand, as the THUNK and THWACK noises emanated from behind her.

Finally, Oksana poked her head out of the alley and motioned for Polina to step into the shadows. "She's out. That was pretty easy."

"Would have been easier if you used my tranquilizer gun," Polina replied as she entered the alley. "I did offer."

"Tranquilizers aren't my thing," Oksana shrugged. "I need an occasional workout to stay in good physical shape."

She knelt down by the unconscious barista. "Now help me get this outfit off her. We need to work fast, before the coffee gets cold."

The two friends worked diligently. Pretty soon, Kathy was down to her salmon-pink underwire bra and white boyshorts.

Oksana was closer to her in size, and dressed quickly in the uniform, including cap and shoes. Meanwhile, Polina used some black duct tape to bind and gag the real barista, and dragged her behind some trash bags.

Oksana scooped up the cup carrier. "Let's hope this works."

********************

Two minutes later, Oksana approached the front door of the police station and pressed the bell.

"Coffee," she said into the speaker.

There was a moment's pause, and the door buzzed. Oksana stepped inside.

The secretary at the front desk - Erin, the officer had called her earlier - gave her a smile. "Hi. Are you new to the coffee shift? We usually get deliveries from Kathy..."

"Kathy has the flu," Oksana replied immediately. "Where do you want these drinks?"

"You can leave them here," Erin replied. "I'll make sure the officers who ordered get them."

Oksana nodded and set down the cup carrier. She gave what she hoped would pass for an innocent look. "Hey, can I use your bathroom?"

Erin nodded. "Just down the hall, second door on the left."

Oksana gave a polite smile and headed down the hallway.

She had two orders of business now: Procuring a new disguise that would help her wander around the building without undue attention, and getting Polina inside as well. Neither seemed particularly difficult.

She found the ladies' room and stepped inside. It was a small but well-maintained restroom, with three stalls and an array of sinks. There was one window at the far end.

The stalls all appeared to be unoccupied at this moment. The only other person in the room was a police deputy, who stood washing her hands at the sinks.

The deputy nodded politely at Oksana. Oksana nodded back, and quickly sized the woman up. She was a young and fit Asian woman, with apricot skin and straight dark hair pulled back in a neat bun. She wore a tan button-down uniform shirt with badge, black pants, and polished black shoes. A little on the short side, but she would do.

The deputy dried her hands and stepped past Oksana towards the door.

Oksana waited till she could see the back of the woman's neck, then struck with a quick judo chop.

"Urgh!" The deputy stiffened, her eyes wide with surprise. Then, slowly, they fluttered close as she fell forward.

Oksana caught the unconscious woman before she hit the floor, then dragged her into the farthermost stall, shutting the door for some privacy.

Minutes later, Oksana stepped out of the stall, having discarded her barista outfit in favor of the police uniform. As expected, the pants were a bit tight and the shoes pinched, but it was hardly the worst disguise she'd stolen.

The real deputy sat on the toilet, secured and gagged with green tape. She was sleeping peacefully, dressed only in a lacy black bra and vermilion cheeky panties.

Oksana approached the window and opened it. As expected, it led to the dark alley outside.

"Psst! Polina, over here!"

Polina approached from outside, a smile on her face. "Well! Good evening, officer."

"Quit clowning and get in here."

Polina climbed up and, with a little help from Oksana, managed to squeeze through the window.

She dusted herself off, then glanced into the stall where the unconscious deputy sat. "Wow, she's cute. What sort of quip did you use?"

"Pardon?"

"You know... what sort of clever line or quip did you say when you knocked her out?"

Oksana rolled her eyes as she shut the stall door. "I didn't use any quips, Polina."

"Oh, come on! Bantering is half the fun of this job. It's not a true uniform steal unless you crack a joke about it."

Oksana sighed. "You are so weird, I swear."

At that moment, the restroom door opened. In stepped a cleaning woman, carrying a mop and bucket.

Polina turned to Oksana. "Let me show you how it's done."

The young cleaner was of average height and fairly slim, with alabaster skin and short light blonde hair. She was dressed in a slate-grey uniform blouse and skirt with black apron, and scuffed white shoes. A lavender bandanna was tied over her hair.

"Pardon me, officer." She nodded politely at Oksana. "I was told to mop the stalls."

She turned her back on the two women and bent down to reach her cleaning supplies. Polina grinned and drew her tranquilizer gun.

"Sorry, babe," she said coolly. "But the only one getting mopped up tonight... is you."

She fired. the dart whistled through the air and struck the cleaner right below her left butt cheek.

"Oh!" The blonde froze in shock.

Then, slowly, she sank to the floor.

Polina twirled her gun and tucked it back into her holster. "See? Pretty good, eh?"

Oksana gave her a look. "That joke was awful."

Polina sighed. "There's no pleasing some people..."

"Polina, I'm very tired. Don't make me regret helping you tonight."

"But..."

"Just strip the cleaning girl and put on her clothes. And try to avoid making a comedy routine out of it."

Polina made a sour face, but did not argue further.

She worked quickly in stripping the woman down to her neon-pink plunge bra and slim white panties.

The uniform was a bit small for Polina's athletic physique, but she squeezed into it with little complaints. It helped that the sneakers were a better fit. She tucked her hair beneath the bandanna and tied it around her head.

Meanwhile, Oksana dragged the unconscious cleaning woman into the stall where she'd stashed the deputy and used more green duct tape to secure her in a seated position, facing the first woman.

Polina glanced into the stall and smiled. "Wow... Nice job tying them together. I guess you want them to have some fun when they wake up!"

"I tied them together in one stall because it would look suspicious to have two different bathroom stalls with an 'Out of Order' sign on them," Oksana explained. "I don't care if they have 'fun' or whatever. We just need their clothes."

Polina looked a bit disappointed at this. "Don't you take any joy in stealing other women's clothes?"

"It's not about joy, Polina," Oksana replied in exasperation. "We steal clothes because we need clothes. There's no need to overcomplicate things."

She glanced at her watch. "Damn it, we're taking too long. Let's move."

"Can't you at least blow them a kiss?" Polina asked. "Or say 'Sweet dreams, ladies!' or something. It's a time-honored tradition."

Oksana shut the stall door and locked it from the outside. "I said, let's move."

**********************

Moments later, Oksana and Polina were walking down the corridor to the interrogation room.

"Don't walk right beside me," Oksana whispered. "People might think it's weird to see a cop and a cleaning lady walking together. Hang back for a minute and pretend to clean the floors."

Polina nodded. She drew the mop from the bucket and began scrubbing the hallway.

Oksana walked to the door of the interrogation room and pressed her ear to it. She could hear talk emanating from within - angry, frustrated talking.

There was silence, and then the door opened. A blonde female officer with a nametag reading "Simone" glared at her. "What is it?"

Oksana glanced past the officer into the interrogation room, where another officer - dark-skinned, dark-haired, with a tag reading "Vivian" - stood by a wooden table. Seated at the table was a frightened-looking woman who was clearly Elena.

Oksana looked back at the blonde. "I know how to make your prisoner talk."

Simone looked at her suspiciously. "Do you?"

Oksana nodded. "I just arrested another thug, named Lupe. Also part of that gang of uniform thieves. Confessed she's the cousin of this one."

At this, Elena gasped. "Lupe? No! She's innocent... and so am I! Please..."

Simone officer grinned at Oksana. "Come on in."

Oksana stepped into the room and coolly approached the table. Elena shrank back in her seat.

"Please," she whimpered. "Please, let me go..."

"Well?" Simone pressed Oksana. "What's the plan?"

Before Vivian could close the door, though, Polina stuck her foot in the doorway.

Vivian stared at newcomer in surprise, eyeing her cleaning uniform. "Do you mind? We're in middle of something."

Polina smiled at her as she stepped into the room. "I know, but the boss says I need to clean the windows."

Vivian raised an eyebrow as Polina closed the door. "This room doesn't have any windows."

Polina paused. "Well, the boss isn't gonna be happy about that."

"Who are you?" Vivian asked. "I thought Gerta was on cleaning duty tonight."

"Gerta's catching up on her beauty sleep," Polina replied. "Why don't you follow her lead?"

Vivian's eyes widened as Polina whipped out her tranquilizer gun.

"Sweet dreams, ladies... hey!" Polina gasped as Vivian grabbed her wrist, trying to wrest the gun from her grip.

"What the hell?" Simone reached for her own gun, but Oksana, standing behind her, quickly put her in a viselike sleeper hold.

"Huurrgghh..." Simone struggled in her assailant's grip, digging her sharp, manicured fingernails into Oksana's arm. Oksana cried out in pain and let go. Simone quickly rammed her elbow into Oksana's ribs. The Russian grunted and fell to the floor.

"Drop the gun!" Vivian growled. She twisted Polina's wrist. Polina cried out, and the gun went off. The tranquilizer dart whizzed across the room, ricocheted off the wall, and embedded its tiny needle into the side of Simone's neck.

Simone stiffened for an instant, then crumpled to the floor.

Vivian stared open-mouthed at her fallen partner, then turned back to Polina in shock.

Polina shrugged. "Would you believe I planned that to happen?"

Then she hit Vivian on the side of the head with her gun-butt. Vivian groaned and sank to the floor.

Polina approached Oksana and helped her to her feet. Oksana winced, rubbing her hip. "Damn... It's been a while since I've had a real fight."

Elena stared open-mouthed at both of them. "Who... who are you?"

Polina smiled. "We're superheroes, obviously. Here to rescue you."

Oksana sighed. "What my weird partner is trying to say is that your cousin sent us here to get you out of here."

Elena stared at both of them in surprise. Then she nodded.

"But... how do we get out of here? They won't just let me leave."

Polina thought for a moment. "They will if they think you're a cop."

She caught Elena's eye, and gestured to the two unconscious officers on the floor. "Which one do you wanna strip? I think the blonde is more your size."

Elena's eyes widened. "Strip? I... I don't understand..."

"You need a disguise to get out of here... and since we don't carry a travelling wardrobe with us, you'll need to steal a uniform from one of these fine ladies of the law."

"Steal a uniform?" Elena winced. "Oh, no... They arrested me because they thought I was... how do you say... one of those uniform stealing babes. But I would never do such a thing. Only crazy women steal clothes."

"Crazy? Ouch, that hurts," Polina replied. "Come on, it's for your own good."

"But... isn't there some other way?"

Oksana interjected. "Honey, you need a disguise, and I'm very tired and not in the mood of arguing. Either strip one of these cops and put on her uniform, or we leave you here. What sounds better to you?"

Elena just gulped. "O... okay. I'll steal a uniform. Just this once."

Polina smiled, trying to diffuse the tension from Oksana's response. "Atta girl!"

Elena knelt down by the unconscious Simone. "So... where do I start? Unbuttoning her shirt? Unlacing her shoes?"

"Wow, you really are new to this," Polina observed. "Tell you what. I'll strip the other officer - She's about my size, and it'd be easier for me to slip out of here as just another cop than as the cleaning lady. You just follow my lead. It's easy... and fun!"

Oksana rolled her eyes again, but said nothing.

Polina proceeded to strip the unconscious Vivian. Elena watched with a look of fascination on her face as Polina unlaced the officer's shoes and eased them off her feet, then unbuckled her belt and began unbuttoning her shirt.

Then Elena began stripping the other officer - first slowly, then more quickly as she got the hang of it.

Pretty soon, both officers were down to their underwear - Vivian in a bright blue T-shirt bra and aqua boyshorts, Simone in a cerulean strapless bra and plain white hipsters.

"Now what?" Elena asked.

Polina held up a roll of green duct tape and two coils of black cable, an impish grin on her face. "Now we tie them up."

She tossed Elena one roll of cable, then began using the other to bind Vivian's wrists and ankles. Elena followed suit in restraining Simone.

Pretty soon, both policewomen were thoroughly tied up, with duct tape smoothed over their lips.

Polina gazed admiringly at Elena's handiwork. "Very efficient... nice ropework. You've never tied up another woman before?"

Elena shook her head. "I just try to do a good job."

"Honey, you're a natural."

Elena blushed. "Thank you."

Oksana cleared her throat and tapped her watch. "If you two are finished with the uniform stealing tutorial, this might be a good time to get dressed."

Polina nodded. "You got it."

She scooped up one of the uniforms, and Elena grabbed the other. Both women quickly changed out of their old clothes and into the new ones.

Polina smiled at Elena, who was straightening her black tie and peaked cap. "Looking good, officer."

Elena smiled back. "This feels... exciting. I was so scared a few minutes ago, now I feel so confident and assured."

"One of the benefits of uniform stealing," Polina explained. "It's liberating, therapeutic. Makes you feel like a whole new woman, doesn't it?"

Elena nodded. "Yes."

Oksana opened the door. "Enough jabber, please. Let's get out of here."

*********************

Oksana, Polina, and Elena made it out of the police station with no further hassles. Minutes later, they reunited with Lupe.

"Elena!" Lupe happily threw her arms around her cousin and hugged her tight. She was grinning in relief, too ecstatic to even ask why her cousin was dressed in a police uniform.

"I was so scared," Elena told her. "I thought I'd be locked away... These women saved me. They're heroes."

Lupe glanced at Oksana and Polina, and her smile broadened. She approached them, beaming.

"Thank you," she said. Then she leaned over and kissed Polina on the cheek.

Polina blushed. "Just... trying to help out," she replied.

"I'll call you girls a cab," Oksana added, still as professional as ever. She stepped out into the street and waved to a passing taxi, which obligingly slowed to pull over.

Polina smiled at Lupe. "You two will be okay?"

Lupe nodded. "I live at the other end of the city. I'll make sure Elena stays safe."

Polina nodded back. "Great... Maybe I'll see you around."

"Good-bye, then," Lupe grinned. She had noticed that Polina was eyeing her figure, and seemed flattered by it.

Then she turned to her cousin. "Come on, Elena, let's get going."

Elena nodded and followed Lupe into the cab. "This is so exciting, Lupe... I'm already learning so much about America."

"Oh?" Lupe said in surprise.

"Yes... Are you familiar with 'uniform stealing'? It's a lot of fun! Polina was teaching me all about it..."

Lupe stared at her in shock, the turned and glared out the window at Polina.

Polina grinned sheepishly, unsure of what to say. Before Lupe could say anything further, the cab pulled away from the curb and sped off.

Polina watched as the car drove down the street and disappeared around the corner. She sighed to herself. "Damn... That was almost a romantic ending."

Oksana stretched and yawned. "Well, it was good enough for me. I'm about ready for bed."

She stepped towards their parked car. Polina lingered at the curb for a moment before following her.

"We did good tonight, didn't we?" she asked. "I mean, we didn't get what we set out to do, but we reunited a good woman with her family."

Oksana nodded. "Just a couple of good citizens, that's us."

"And next time, maybe we'll become actual citizens," Polina added. "Why don't we try infiltrating a different bar tomorrow?"

"Good idea," Oksana replied. "As long as we're engaged in these hijinks every night, I might as well get a few drinks in."

THE END

[meditions142]

What a really neat concept. The uniform thieves having to steal uniforms to rescue a woman improperly accused of being a uniform thief is a wonderful concept.

And there were some great scenes.

First off, I really enjoyed the scene with Kathy. Funny scene. First off, love the "So that you don't drop anything while my friend mugs you," comment.

Then we get the pulling her into the alley. When then hear "THUNK and THWACK" as Oksana takes care of poor Kathy. Love the discussion about Polina offering the tranquilizer dart gun but Oksana wanting to do the physical approach. Poor Kathy, it would have been kinder for her if she was darted and not beaten up by Oksana.

I also liked "She's out. That was pretty easy." comment. Obviously, Kathy was no match for the professional uniform thief.

I also really like the scene with the cleaner. Love the description:

"Sorry, babe," she said coolly. "But the only one getting mopped up tonight... is you."

She fired. the dart whistled through the air and struck the cleaner right below her left butt cheek.

"Oh!" The blonde froze in shock.

Then, slowly, she sank to the floor.

Polina twirled her gun and tucked it back into her holster. "See? Pretty good, eh?"


Wonderfully comments and then the imagine of the cute blonde freezing and then slowly slumping to the floor is really sexy. As is how she ended up tied up with the deputy.

And I also loved the comment "Can't you at least blow them a kiss?" Polina asked. "Or say 'Sweet dreams, ladies!' or something. It's a time-honored tradition."

Just a great chapter.

[tirepanted3]

Thanks, Meditions! Glad you liked the story.

I enjoyed the irony of the concept here, which is what motivated me to write it. A woman is falsely accused of uniform stealing, which requires other women to steal uniforms in order to rescue her. Just too funny to resist.

The various USB scenes in the story help provide a good contrast between Oksana and Polina's personalities, I think. How Polina is more glib and also less prone to causing the victims physical pain (part of her fondness for the tranquilizer gun) while Oksana is more assertive in a "just get it done" way when it comes to stealing clothes. Poor Kathy learned that the hard way...

Polina's quips were also a main motivator for the story, particularly in her disappointment with Oksana's lack of quips. I tried to give the two women a humorous dynamic that was a bit different from some of the other "uniform stealing duos" I've written over the years.

Thanks for your thoughts!

[esercito sconfitto]

Tirepanted, first of all I apologize for the late comment...life is hectic sometimes

I heartily thank you for the story, I am aware of what kind of time-draining effort is required from a writer, even to compose a short tale

I have appreciated the "under the front-desk" trope ( at the bar ) and enjoyed the dialogue between Oksy an Polina .
speaking of Polina, she is irresistible- and deserves more room

But what is irresistible for other reasons is the "tutorial" part, the USB advantages explained to a female alien ... Elena. And this is irresistible because from months , with daily updates we are informed about a female alien almost homonymous ( Ellana ) that is visiting the planet earth and the USB board , mainly using the USB techniques as main tool ( just kidding )

I hope this tale is only the beginning of a new series

[saker]

The funniest thing is that the policewomen falsely accused a woman of being one of the USBs, effectively making her a USB girl. If Elena had not been arrested she would not have met Oksana and Polina and would never have discovered how rewarding uniform theft was.
Great story, I hope there will be many more!

[tirepanted3]

Esercito: That's fine, no worries. I always appreciate the comments, no matter the timing.

It's true, these stories do take a while, even short ones. Even though I generally prefer longer tales (which allow for multiple perspectives and intersecting storylines), sometimes it is just easier to post single-chapter stories.

I enjoy writing Polina and Oksana (be careful she doesn't hear you calling her Oksy ); they're two of the more interesting characters to debut near the end of the Spacesuit series, so I decided to develop them further. I like the dynamic they have, and am glad it seems to resonate.

I did not make the Ellana connection, having not read most of those stories. But it's interesting to hear the parallels.

I would love to write more Oksana/Polina stories in the future and continue their dynamic. I have a couple of other story ideas for other characters as well. It's all in having the time to get them all down on paper...

Saker: Indeed, I love this sort of ironic storytelling. You summed up the developments very nicely.

Thanks for your thoughts! And stay tuned for more stories...

[tirepanted3]

I have appreciated the "under the front-desk" trope ( at the bar ) and enjoyed the dialogue between Oksy an Polina .

Interesting you bring up the "under the front desk" scene at the bar, as that was my initial inspiration to write this story. Specifically, this memorable picture from Dark Hiro.

[Disguisedagent]

Another homerun, dude. I love your tales.

[tirepanted3]

Thanks! Glad you’re enjoying the stories.

[rufusluciusivan]

I'm finally managing to carve up some free time for the Board. I feel like an apnea driver finally being allowed to take a breath...

Since this is a short story, I won't have much to say, but I was happy when I saw a new story of yours on the Board. (Well, technically two, but I'm late for the party anyway. ) Of course, it wasn't a huge surprise either - since you mentioned you had ideas for small spin-offs taking place in the "Spacesuit-Verse", but I'm still happy to see you keep on writing. The spin-offs are a good way to keep on writing without the stress of having to finish a long saga. At the same time, since they feature characters we already know, they're an easy read - and, I assume, easier to write.

Hargrove's crusade against uniform stealing is a good backdrop - a way to show how the universe is evolving. I assume I may hear of it in other one-shots. It certainly has the potential for a good common thread: something that can generate loosely-related uniform-stealing one-shots, without the need for a long saga, with eventually a slightly longer spin-off to serve as a conclusion.

Like everyone else I suppose, I enjoyed the reference to Dark Hiro's picture, with your two waitresses being concealed under the bar. One of his most famous works. To this day, I still regret he stopped drawing those pictures...

And yes, as others pointed out already, there's something funny in the irony that a character wrongfully accused of uniform stealing ends up stealing a uniform because they were accused of stealing uniforms. Though, suprisingly, Lupe didn't follow the "Paradigm".

Vega joins the long list of rude people who really shouldn't have tempted fate. I love when this trope pops up from time to time. I also love the implication Vega was so flabber-gasted by what was going on she didn't even fight back - and didn't need to be knocked out. "The expression on her face was of utter confusion." Even after being left, she's still trying to process what just happened. This kind of muggings are highly unrealistic, but they're funny to picture.

Speaking of cartoonish muggings, Kathy's was also a trope I enjoy. It's the onomatopoeias and off-screen mugging... There is something inherently cartoon/anime to them.

All in all, it was a fun read. I appreciated how the beginning made it look like it was going to be just a light-hearted short mission with no stakes, but then the story surprised me by developing Polina's (and Oksana's) characters. They have a good dynamic when it comes to humour - classic Straight Man / Wise Guy duo - but I liked you giving them some depths as well.

Of course there would be some returning victims. Vivian and Simone have potential I think. And just enough personality, with their good cop - bad cop dynamic.

Nothing more to add. I confess not many specific banters caught my eye this time around. Well, except the "There's the restroom, miss." "No, you moron. This is a broom closet.""That works just as well." one...

... and, ironically, the banter between Polina and Oksana when the former laments that the latter never banters. With an unlucky cleaning woman caught in the crossfire. Bantering is indeed half the fun.