Prequel/Deleted Scene for Pardon Her Backfire

[esercito sconfitto]

Prequel/Deleted Scene for Pardon Her Backfire
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Prequel/Deleted Scene for Pardon Her Backfire

by Autolycus_7

In 1950, in an attempt to combat the growth of television, MGM, Warner Brothers, and Fox joined forces to remake the Three Stooges 1949 short feature "Pardon My Backfire" into an all-star, adult, 3-D movie starring Lucille Ball, Joan Davis, Eve Arden, Gene Tierney, Jane Wyman, Lana Turner, Jane Russell, and Rosalind Russell. For reasons unknown, the movie was not released.

There was a delete scene from the finished film that provides the backstory or served as a prequel to Pardon Her Backfire. It included cameos by William Powell, Myrna Loy, Irene Dunne, Deborah Kerr, and Esther Williams. This is that scene.

Setting: A city street in a posh neighborhood of a small town near the women's state prison. We hear sirens--indicative of an escape. We see an expensive, black, four-door sedan riding along. We show the chauffeaur is William Powell, who, unseen by his passengers, takes a nip from his flask. We cut to inside the vehicle and show four very rich women on their way to afternoon tea at the Ritz: Myrna Loy, dressed in a white Oleg Cassini dress with black buttons down the front and wearing a large-brimmed black hat; Irene Dunne, in a black dress with a small feathered-hat; Deborah Kerr, in a white dress with matching jacket, no hat; and Esther Williams, in a black dress with straps and a matching orange hat like a pasha's. They are toasting each other with martinis. Two are seated on either side facing the others.

We return to Powell's viewpoint and see a woman run into the street wearing only a white undershirt top and panties.

POWELL: Oh, my!

The woman is Gene Tierney. She runs to the vehicle and jumps onto the running board.

GENE: Will you please stop?

POWELL: The only thing I will do, young lady, is drive to the police station and have you arrested for indecent exposure.

GENE: Will you please stop?

POWELL: Will you please get off the vehicle?

JANE WYMAN'S VOICE: Will you please stop?

He turns and sees Jane Wyman, dressed in prison clothes, standing on the running board on the other side and pointing a gun at him through the open window.

POWELL: Stop? Why, yes, certainly, yes, I'll stop.

He pulls the car over. We cut to inside the car and see Jane Russell and Lana Turner, also dressed in prison outfits, get into car and sit on the floor between the two sets of ladies. Jane Russell is tall and extremely well built; she has trouble fitting inside but does.

IRENE: What on earth?

Both Lana and Jane Russell display guns.

JANE RUSSELL: Quiet, girls, or mama will yell (see says, pointing to the gun).

Cut to Powell, Gene, and Jane Wyman.

JANE WYMAN: Get out of the car?

POWELL: Of course, of course.

JANE WYMAN: Walk through the square here.

He walks ahead toward the statue in the town square, which is circled by bushes. When they get to the statue, Jane Wyman says,

JANE WYMAN: Turn around.

POWELL: Ladies, is there anything I can do to--

JANE WYMAN: Not you, you fop.

She bops him on the head with her gun. Powell staggers and slowly sinks to a sitting position and then falls back, his head resting against the statue's base. Gene reaches down, searches him, finds his flask, opens it, and pours it on him. Then Jane Wyman reaches down and unzips his pants. The camera tilts discreetly up as she removes his pants and shorts.

JANE WYMAN: Isn't it awful when the help gets drunk and indecently exposes himself?

GENE: Indecedent exposure you say!

They walk away. Jane Wyman throws the pants and shorts over bushes in the opposite direction. They get into the car and Jane drives. Cut to inside the car.

DEBORAH: Where are we going? What is happening?

Cut to outside the car. Jane Wyman says,

JANE WYMAN: I see a park over there.

She drives into the park and pulls the car behind some very tall bushes. They get out and open the door. Lana and Jane Wyman get out first, then the four women.

IRENE: What is going on here? Where is Powell?

JANE WYMAN: Probably walking down Main Street without his pants and shorts and smelling of liquor.

Cut to Powell, who is doing exactly that with a goofy look on his face while cars crash to avoid him or crash in horror at his partial (and unseen) nudity.

Cut back to the park.

JANE WYMAN: And while the cops are dealing with him they'll be spening less time looking for us. Which will give us time to deal with you. (She says to Lana, Gene, and Jane Russell) Find one your own height.

Gene lines up in front of Myrna, who, along with the other three ladies, have their backs to the car. Jane Wyman stands in front of Irene Dunne, Lana in front of Deborah, and Jane Russell in front of Esther.

MYRNA: Now look, we don't want any trouble--

GENE: Good.

Gene pulls by her right and slugs Myrna on the chin, Myrna falls back against the car, her eyes slide to the back of her head, her arms jump up and she slowly, slowly sinks down until her rear end meets the ground and her head rests against the car.

Pan to Irene.

IRENE: Do you have any idea who we are?

JANE WYMAN: No, but I can guess.

Jane Wyman rears back and throws a haymaker at Irene, whose eyes bugg out, then close, and she too backs into the car and slowly sinks to the ground, her arms up like a dying swan in some ballet.

Pan to Deborah.

DEBORAH: Look, actually, I am a British citizen, and so I really have no--

LANA: Then I'll help you keep a stiff uipper lip.

Lana rears back and punches Deborah in the mouth. Deborah staggers, her eyes close, her mouth opens, and she falls foward, her face into Lana's left shoulder, and slowly sinks down, her face passing Lana's breasts, belly, and knees on the way down, until she falls on the ground on her side.

LANA: Her nose is cold.

JANE WYMAN: Cold nose--

LANA: Cold everything?

Lana stoops down and starts to undress Deborah.

Pan to Esther, who has been watching all this with her arms folded.

ESTHER: And now it's my turn?

JANE RUSSELL: That's right!

But Esther steps into the open and gets into a fighting position.

JANE RUSSELL: Well, this should be interesting. You do look pretty fit.

ESTHER: Are you kidding. I swim 100 laps a day. I know karate and judo.

Esther lunges forward at Jane Russell, who grabs Esther hand in a judo move and flips her over. Esther lands on her fanny in a sitting position, dazed. Jane Russell steps up behind her and bounces her clenched fist off the top of Esther head. The turban-like hat goes over Esther's eyes. She develops a silly grin and falls straight back.

Jane Russell kneels next to her and starts to undress Esther by pulling down her straps.

JANE RUSSELL: Don't just lie there, swim something.

Pans to Gene who has unbuttoned and removed Myrna's dress and is unfastening her black bra, revealing surprisingly round and firm breasts. We hear jane Wyman's voice:

JANE WYMAN's VOICE: And take their underwear too, 'cause I know you're not wearing any!

JANE RUSSELL's VOICE: That's because nothing in the prison ever fit me!

Pan to Jane Wyman who has pulled Irene's slip up and off and starts unfastening her garter belt. Jane Wyman looks over at Gene and Myrna. Then she pats Irene's soft, flat belly.

JANE WYMAN: You know, these two older ones looks in pretty good shape.

Pan to Lana who still has Deborah on the ground, has stripped her of her outer garments and bra, and is in the process of yanking off her girdle.

LANA: Easy for you to say. I got stuck with Miss Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow here.

Pan to Jane, who already has the statuesque Esther naked, has stripped herself and shows that she too is statuesque like the Venus de Milo, especially her ample breasts. She starts putting on Esther black, lace bra.

JANE RUSSELL: Then I got the prize. You know, this bra is almost going to fit.

The camera pans the naked Esther top to bottom--long legs, flat belly, round and firm breasts. Camera cuts back to the other three convicts and soon, all four women are naked. The convicts quickly strip--they're just wearing tops, undershirts, pants, and shoes--and dress in their expensive new clothes. They model for each other. Jane Wyman thengestures to drag the unconscious women away from the car. They each take their woman by her feet and drag her to where the bushes are open, then take her by the shoulders, pull her into a sitting position, and lean therinto the bushes. We see the four unconscious society ladies, all naked, sitting on the grass on their bare behinds, all out cold.

LANA: What are we going to do with them?

JANE WYMAN: Tie 'em up with our clothes.

The four convicts tear up their undershirts and tie their woman's hands behind her back. then they tie up their pants and make bonds to tie up the woman's feet, leaving a scrap to shove into their open mouths.

GENE: Do you think that'll hold 'em?

The camera pans from left to right, from Myrna to Irene to Deborah to Esher, all gagged, all unconscious.

JANE WYMAN: It's just a precaution. They all had glass jaws. They're going sleep all night, hoity-toity broads! Come on, let's drive to that bank we passed. After we rob it, we can get some gas and make for the border.

The four convicts climb into the car and drive off, leaving the four society women bound and naked behind the bushes, and leading into the first scene in the garage of "Pardon Her Backfire."

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