" Landon Fan Fiction- What happens to the bodies" by Morbius

[esercito sconfitto]

Landon Fan Fiction - What Happens To The Bodies


Morbius



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Hi Everyone,

For a while I’ve been trying to write some fan fiction based on H&B’s Landon series. I haven’t made much progress to be honest, and it’s been ages since I wrote anything, but this came to me in a rush today. It’s a bit of a silly thing really, inspired after reading an article about why you never see dead pigeons in cities. I suddenly wondered what it would be like to ask a similar question about H&B’s Landon series, if garbage collectors were on strike.

You can read the original article here: http://www.theatlanticcities.com/neighb ... eons/2038/

WHY ISN’T LANDON LITTERED WITH DEAD GIRLS?

Any fair-sized city in the United States is brimming with ladies of leisure, hoovering up designer clothes from the chicest stores and lunching languidly while sizing up the competition from underneath huge sunglasses. Of course, we all know that what these girls love doing even more than buying stuff is shooting each other and taking it. The favorite rumpus room for these clothes wars, Landon City, is thought to be home to anywhere between 50 and 150 female homicides per day. With the strike of the City’s cleanup crews now in its eighth week, we should be seeing piles of elegant designer-clad corpses littering the streets, and yet, examples seem hard to find.

So where are all the dead bodies?

The short answer is in Designer Chick Heaven (unless they've been bad girls, in which case they're squealing in the boiling fires of Designer Bitch Hell). The long answer is that the life of a Designer Chick is often champagne and manicures, but sometimes is brutal and short, and if they do make it to the end zone to find something terribly unpleasant has happened, then if possible they prefer to die away from all the cameras.

In the interest of clearing up this enduring urban mystery, I contacted a couple of fatal female experts to expand on the ultimate fate of Designer Chicks and Mean Girls. The first is Charles Gordon, a licensed Security Threat Eliminator (not exterminator! That's for the unlicenced guys) in Landon. In the course of his work, Gordon has dealt with a full deck of dead or dying girls, from an innocent cheerleader caught in some crossfire to a gangland ringleader fighting to the last with her Crew. But the most common of all is the confident, preening Designer Chick cut down in a swift gunfight, where her belief in her own immortality has been terminally exposed as mistaken.

A Designer Chick that leads a pampered life might make it to age 35 or even 40 before they are superseded by younger models. But many don’t get to live that long – especially if they get sucked into the Sassy maelstrom, where a life expectancy of five years on the front line is typical. Landon districts are patrolled by an invisible battalion of predators, all of whom seem to enjoy a meal of high heels, leather boots, and armfuls of designer gear, all the better for being taken, not bought. “Even with a huge level of Police deployment such as in Landon, this city still has plenty of homicides that barely cause people to blink,” says Gordon.

Firstly, let’s remind ourselves of all the ferocious foes that hunt our innocent (and not-so-innocent) little Designer Chicks:

‘Vultures’, the angry girls with designer envy: These vulture-like killers know that pampered city chicks are the easiest targets. So they roost throughout the town in bars, clubs and restaurants and gyms, waiting to take the birds “on the wing,” as Gordon puts it. “In the area of Landon where I live, it's unbelievable,” he says. “They pick off girls like they're one of their favorite food items.” The security expert recalls one time when an employee called him because a vulture was stalking a Designer Chick INSIDE the clothing store. “A girl wandered in and a vulture chased her right through the door,” he says. “By the time I arrived the innocent girl – a preppy blonde in a pink Ralph Lauren sweater and white skirt and boots - was lying in a pool of blood and the best I could do for her was exact revenge by putting down her attacker. She was a dark-haired vixen in tight jeans and boots with a fitted leather jacket. I took considerable satisfaction in catching her by surprise and plugging her in her belly, leaving her to die slowly and painfully on the floor of the store.”

Later the same store captured some grim video of some vultures stripping a couple of Designer Chicks while the poor things were still alive. Nature: It ain't pretty!

Sassy’d-up crazies : “I know Landon is loaded, with girls high on Sassy,” says Gordon. As an extraordinarily addictive drug that causes out-of-control sexual mania, it is certainly a factor in many homicides. More than a dozen Sassy orgies have ended in massacres in the last 18 months, on top of the many examples of casual shootings for a new fix. Most violent of all of course is the gang violence between Sassy dealers as they defend or expand their territory.

Stolen-boyfriend revenge artists: A classic crime of passion which never goes out of style, the fierce competition to secure one of the few males available leads to constant revenge killings. Often the Police will simply file a revenge killing as a designer-clothes fight and close the file, rather than go to the bother of seeking a prosecution. They’ve done this even on occasions when no item of clothing has been stolen. In May, 18 year-old Olivia Cole was shot in broad daylight by a fellow student, Christa Silver. Several witnesses reported Silver ranting that Cole had stolen her man, before emptying her pistol into Cole at close range. Silver then stood over Cole, who was unarmed, making sure no-one came to the girl’s aid as she bled out on the street. When finally the police arrived, they released Silver without charge after she said that the shooting had been accidental in an argument over Cole’s designer jeans. When later asked why she didn’t take the jeans, Silver replied “That skanky bitch’s blood had stained them beyond repair.” (Silver was later killed in another shootout, though ironically this time she was stripped of her jeans by her killer, who was never found.)

Psychotic serial-killers taking advantage of the carnage: With the police turning a blind eye to most cases of ‘Designer Rage’ in favour of trying to tackle the Sassy menace, critics say it has given carte blanche for certain people to kill with impunity. Namely, serial killers and pycho’s who would otherwise be caught (or at least, act only rarely). “I’m not going to put a figure on it, but certainly a strong percentage of deaths are probably caused by a small number of individuals pursuing a personal agenda rather than acting in self-defence,” says Gordon. “Occasionally the modus operandi is so distinctive that it becomes too obvious to ignore. I remember we finally arrested one woman who had collected an astonishing 3000 pairs of designer boots, taken from the feet of women she had killed, and then ransacked their apartments. She admitted to killing at least 200 women, yet had operated unchecked under the noses of the police for nearly 5 years.”

Wild animals, really? It's happened at least once, because someone got it on film: two girls, part of a Sassy-dealing crew, were lured into a trap and set on by a pack of hounds. Their rivals filmed it and posted it online as a warning to the other gang. Other unsubstantiated reports, all involving elements of the criminal underworld, have involved the use of snakes, ants and spiders to dispose of opponents or underlings who have outlived their usefulness.

So what of the Chicks lucky enough to evade the fiery guns or flashing knives of their foes? Well, a surprising number are offed by their lovers, keen to move on to the next girl. Poison, electrical accidents and ‘drowning in the bath’ seem to be the methods of choice. Drug overdoses also contribute to many fatalities. And for those that are shot with no hope of getting to a hospital in time, they tend to want to die peaceably in out-of-the-way places like their apartments, office buildings or churches.

“I’ve watched several girls in their dying moments,” says Gordon, “and like a lot of wild animals they choose to go somewhere to die naturally if they can. They don’t just plop in the street: they often will crawl to a secluded space because as they die they are vulnerable and don’t necessarily want their last moments to be in full view of the public.”

But most girls, when they feel the cold caress of the Grim Reaper, have little time to do anything but drop where they are. Unless part of a gang shootout, Designer Chicks tend to die solitarily, but occasionally the authorities will come across a group of girls that have clumped up, forming a depressing mound of mouldering beauty, cut down in their confident prime.

Gordon recalls finding one such funeral trove inside a massive A/C duct at a Landon senior private school. “There were maybe 15 girls in there, still all in their uniforms. They had gotten in too deep with a Sassy gang and had been chased in there and shot,” he says. “Because of the scandal the girls’ families didn’t want to know and the school didn’t want to clean it up, even though the duct work was actively moving the air throughout the school.”

So he sealed up the vent that the girls had been chased through and went on his way. “Mould probably grew but it would have dried out over time….by now, the powder’s probably blown into the classrooms and then been sucked up by vacuums.”

Dead girls who fall in the street usually don’t last long. Rapidly stripped of their clothing, they are dumped in the gutter and quickly cleaned up by rats and possums. Queried on this subject, somebody in the Landon Police Dept. sent back a pithy answer “Rats, cats, raccoons, foxes, possums...they all love them some delicious girl meat.” Mike Free, an expert at the Landon City Morgue, delves a little deeper into the matter over e-mail:

“When you think about it, why don't you see carcasses more often of dead Designer Chicks? The answer is that most are cryptically colored (blend in to the background) and that decay processes and scavengers clean them up pretty quickly. In Landon, from April through October, blowflies and ants can reduce a dead girl to a pile of bones in a few days. In winter, opossums, raccoons, rats, cats, dogs, skunks, foxes, coyotes, and crows clean up the dead. These same scavengers operate in the warmer months too, but blowflies often beat them to the punch…yes, the world would be a lot smellier without nature’s cleanup squad (including the smallest and most important decomposers – bacteria and fungi)!”

So next time you see a pretty girl left for dead after a fight, at least you can console yourself that she will be playing an important part in maintaining Landon’s diverse eco-system for several days to come.