Story 2: To overthrow the Utopia (Part 2)

rufusluciusivan
Posts: 1571
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2017 5:08 pm

Re: To overthrow the Utopia (Part 2) by Rufusluciusivan

Post by rufusluciusivan »

And, wherever she is, Klenia is thanking you, esercito sconfitto. ;)

The more I write and the more I realize that Klenia is the character I like writing the most. I'm happy to see that the story didn't become too dark to your eyes. I wanted to emphasize a little more that Aster and her friends live in a rather brutal world, but without being too dark and explicit.

Emery is Aster's shadow archetype. She's basically Aster, but without morals and without limits. I wanted to emphasize with her that, while their cause is good, the Rebellion doesn't always use "good" methods and some of its members definitively are "bad" people. (Though the question of why she is like that may be answered in the future.) Hopefully Aster will be able to keep her in check though. Next (and last) part will probably be up soon, maybe today.
rufusluciusivan
Posts: 1571
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2017 5:08 pm

Re: To overthrow the Utopia (Part 2) by Rufusluciusivan

Post by rufusluciusivan »

Step 1 begins...

Karen Jasper wasn't a very good maid and she knew it. She only did it for the money anyway... She didn't intend on staying in this dead-end job all her life. She just needed to save a few more cash, then she would leave and go to a big town. Maybe Hestia or South Window. There was always work for women like her.

Beautiful women...

Karen knew that there were a lot of people more attractive than her. But there were even more that were less attractive. And even the plain-looking maid uniform (which consisted of a white headpiece, a black dress with white trim, with a full skirt above knee lengt, a white half-apron, long black stockings and black shoes) couldn't completely hide her slim well-toned body, nor could it hide her pretty grey eyes or petite nose. Her strawberry blond hair were tied into a bun.

Karen was in charge of the second-to-last floor of the hotel, one of the most important, but not the most. Heraclius, the rich man from room 416, had asked her to do a service for him later, but she still had time.

Currently, she was busy looking at the news on her phone. Nobody was looking anyway...

She recently discovered that new blog called badluckmachaismugged.com. Someone was posting amusing articles about a particularly unlucky student who somehow managed to get mugged for her clothes two times in the span of three months. By the same woman no less! You can't make that stuff up... the young maid thought.

Karen chuckled while pushing her cart, and passing in front of the corridor's closet in which she got her cleaning stuff an hour ago. She was checking the last post. Then, suddenly, the door opened. Karen didn't even have the time to understand what hit her. An odorous cloth was clamped over her mouth while an arm encircled her waist, pinning her arms to her sides. Surprised, she lost her balance and was pulled back. She disappeared inside the closet.

What's going on?

Karen never experienced it before, but she quickly understood that she was being mugged. She struggled to free herself, but her cries for help were muffled by the cloth. Another person had grabbed her legs, and she was starting to feel dizzy. When she finally understood that they were using some narcotic to put her too sleep, it was too late. Her struggles were already twice weaker. Soon, she was drifting into unconsciousness and everything faded into black.


**************

Mikani laid the now unconscious maid on the floor while Aaria was retrieving the abandoned cart still in the corridor. She quickly and efficiently got to work. Soon, the hapless maid was clad in nothing more than her white demi-cup bra and red tanga, while her uniform was stacked up near her. Mikani quickly tied her wrists and ankles, then folded the sleeping maid into a ball, with her knees almost pressed up against her breasts. She wound tape around her, securing her into the ball tie. A piece of cloth found in the closet and a few wraps of tape made for a nice gag.

Once she was done with the maid, Mikani dragged her in a corner of the closet and left her here. Aaria was currently donning the maid's uniform.

“Are you sure you'll be okay?" Mikani eskaed. "These clothes seem too tight.”

“I'll survive." the older woman answered. "Besides, Heraclius likes his women to be young and pretty. The maid is the only one he doesn't interact with. We wouldn't want to raise his suspicions, would we?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Then get ready. You're not done yet. Step 2 will begin any moment now. I'll go outside and warn you.”

“Got it.”

Step 1. Each floor is cleaned by one maid. She'll have to be neutralized first, to aquire her keys and so that she won't interfere with the rest of the operation. One member of the team will take her place.


**************


Step 2 begins...

Aaria's clothes were too tight, but she had lived far worst things in her life than tight clothes. Luckily, standard Utopian maid's uniforms were rather flexible, so she didn't have to worry about ripping hers, unless she tried very broad movements. And the skirt was long enough. She pretended to clean the floor to pull up a nice face, watching the corridor. A few clients passed near her without paying her a second glance. Good. Her disguise was working.

Then, she saw the young woman, who was in her late twenties at most. She was wearing white sneakers, beige pants and a white tunic with big buttons on the side. Her brownish-orange hair were raised on the neck and held in place by a hair clip, and she had amber eyes. She was holding a briefcase in her hand.

Aaria walked into the woman's direction. “Excuse me?” she asked.

The woman stopped walking and smiled at her. “Yes? Can I help you?”

“Are you Sir Heraclius' masseuse, ma'am?”

“I am. Why? Has there been a change of plans?”

Her voice seemed almost hopeful... Apparently, Heraclius wasn't very appreciated by the staff.

“As a matter of fact... Yes. There has been a change of plans.” Aaria answered.

The masseuse didn't realize that she was only a few feets from a closet. Nor did she realize anything when the door opened. Or that a cloth embued with chloroform was about to be clamped on her face.
She put even less fight than the maid.

A few minutes later, the now ball-tied and tape-gagged underwear-clad masseuse was sleeping next to the similarly bound-and-gagged maid. She was only clad in her white padded bra, light-blue bikini panties and white socks, and her loose hair spilled over her face. Mikani was now wearing the white tunic and beige pants. She finished raising her hair and used the masseuse's hair clip to hold them in place.

“Step 2 is completed.” she said to Aaria.

“Good.”

Step 2. During the days of the fair, Heraclius has a ritual. Each day, before lunch, he gets a visit from one of the hotel's masseuses. Another member of the team will take her place.


**************


Step 3 begins...

Aster and Emery had left Aster's room, at the first floor, to go in the second-to-last floor. They first made a quick stop by the closet in which the maid and masseuse were hidden out of sight. They were still sleeping. Good...

Aster then noticed that Emery was approaching the two sleeping women. She felt her blood coursing through her veins.

“What exactly are you doing, Emery?”

“They are a liability.” the assassin answered. There wasn't any anger or even satisfaction in her voice. Just cold dead facts.

And here we start... “You promised you would obey me.” Aster said.

“I know. I'm just making an observation.”

“Move away from them.”

Emery stood still and glared at her. Aster glared back, keeping the eye contact with her. These cold dead eyes... They really creep me out... How much dead inside someone has to be to have this kind of eyes?

Emery finally complied. “You command, I listen. For now.”

They left the closet.

**************

Aaria opened for them the door of room 411. Its current occupant was Corwin Cnox, one of the judges of the Botanic Competition, who therefore only used it to sleep, left it at noon and only returned in it late in the night. They wouldn't be disturbed.

Aster and Emery were joined by the already-disguised Mikani, who would wait until her two companions were also disguised before making her next move.

“We'll just have to wait until Aaria leads our own donors to us.” Aster concluded.

Emery drily nodded, then sat on the bed in her usual tensed position.

Mikani sat next to Aster. “You're alright?” she asked.

“Everything is going according to plan, so yes.” Aster answered.

“She will be alright.” Emery intervened. “We're not gonna deal with paramedics, so she has nothing to worry.”

Aster clenched her fists. Ignore her. She's mentioning the subject on purpose. She knows how much it troubles you. She's just looking for an excuse to remove you from the command of the mission. It was hard, but Aster remained quiet.

Mikani glared daggers at Emery, but the assassin didn't seem frightened. Then, Mikani turned her attention back to Aster. “Don't let her affect you. You're not like her.”

“You too, Mikani.” Aster smiled at the younger woman. “You're better than her in every way.”

Mikani smiled back and blushed a little.

The three women soon heard voices from the corridor. They immediately jumped on their feets and got ready. Mikani went into the other room to not be seen.

“A change of plans?” a female voice was asking. “We were not informed.”

“Sir Heraclius wants to be quiet about this.” Aaria's voice answered. “Don't worry, it's just a quick change of room.”

“If you say so...”

“Please. Go in.”

The door of the room opened. Emery and Aster were pressed against the walls, Emery left to the door and Aster right to it.

Two stunning women entered. Both had a lovely figure. The first had brown hair and brown eyes, the second had light blond hair and piercing blue eyes. They were both wearing the same gowns, that were designed to look like flowers. Aster was admiring the lovely clothes. Each dress seemed to be composed of flower petals aligned next to each other. At the bottom, the petals were red and yellow. Above, they were blue, then yellow, then light green, then red and yellow again on the waist. Their bust was covered by a cloth designed to look like a multicolour flower and a smaller similar cloth was covering their right shoulders while their left shoulders were only covered by a red strap. A flower-like headdress orned their hair tied into a bun.

Image

The blonde frowned. “Where is Sir Heraclius?” She and her friend hadn't noticed yet the two women right behind them.

Aaria closed the door behind them and the two dancers jumped in fright.

Emery took action first, grabbing the blonde and applying a vicious sleeper hold. With one second of delay, Aster did the same to the brunette. Completely taken by surprise, the two dancers barely put up a fight. Aster had opted for a sleeper-hold targeting the carotid arteries, which would only take a few seconds to render her victim unconscious. Hopefully, the complex dress wouldn't be too damaged after such a short struggle. The brunette's eyes rolled back and, then, she was out of commission. Aster caught her while she was falling and gently laid her on the ground.

Emery hadn't let the blonde go yet. She was staring at Aster, a small wicked smile on the lips.

Aster's eyes widened. No... She wouldn't dare disobey...

Then, Emery laid her own victim on the ground. She was breathing slowly. She was alive. Apparently, Emery was just as good with non-lethal takedowns as with lethal takedowns. She just wanted to mess with Aster.

“Petty jerk.” Aster muttered. The effects of the sleeper-holds would soon fade away, so she injected the two unconscious women with a dose of Agent Moonlight to ensure hours of sleep. Then, she carefully undressed the brown-haired dancer while Emery did the same to the blonde.

Mikani came back from the other room and gave Aster a hand.

Beneath the complex dresses, both women were wearing red shoes and black stockings. These were taken off as well. The women also had the same set of underwear: multicolour strapless bras and matching hipster panties. The undergarments had floral patterns on them. Aster decided to leave them in place.

The two dancers were then gagged with tape that was wrapped several times around their mouths and lower faces. With some ropes, Aster secured them facing each other, their round firm chests pressed against one another. Each woman's wrists were tied behind the other's back. Their ankles were tied a first time, then tied to the other's ankles. A last coil of rope was wrapped around their waists, pressing their bellies against each other. It now almost looked like that they were sleeping embracing each other. Finally, to put them out of sight, Aster and Mikani dragged them across the room and hid them under the room's bed.

“Waste of time...” Emery commented once it was done.

“Shut up and change clothes.”

Emery complied, apparently not bothered by the fact that Aster and Mikani could see her in her undergarments. As with everything else she wore, Emery's were simple and functional, designed to allow a big freedom of movement. Aster couldn't help but notice several scars on her legs, waist, torso and shoulders. Then she turned her head and changed herself in the dancer's gown. The cloth was a close enough fit and she felt gorgeous while wearing it. My compliments to the designer...

“Step 3 is a success.” Aster said. “We'll go to Heraclius' room.”

“Let's just hope that Klenia will be just as successful...” Mikani added.

“Don't worry. She's got this.”

“You do realize that we will have to wait until Klenia enters the room to take action.” Emery intervened. “Do you think you will be able to fool Heraclius long enough?"

“I know a few dances from Korê. They use similarly puffy gowns. You?”

“I'll manage.”

Is there even one field in which she's bad at? Outside of basic human decency, of course...

“And be careful while you dance.” Emery concluded. “The old pervert will want you to show your panties at one point.”

“Shut up Emery!” Aster hated that her cheeks had reddened a little. “We move! Mikani, can you lead the way, please?” she added.

**************

Following Mikani, they arrived in front of door 416. Aaria had muttered them a small “Good luck.” when they passed near her.

Mikani knocked. “Who is it?” a male voice asked.

“The masseuse, sir Heraclius. As well as the dancers you requested.”

“Perfect. You may enter.”

Heraclius was fifty years old, and his appearance clearly showed that he was from the military. His clothes were impeccable, his hair were closely cropped and he was standing up straight in his armchair. Aster resented him for looking so normal. It would have made her job easier if he looked evil. Well, she would have to settle for the reports of his atrocities and the unpleasant perverse look in his eyes. Clearly, this was a man who saw women as playthings and didn't mind using his influence to force one to get in his bed. Heraclius mentioned Mikani to go behind him and start the massage. She complied.

“I'd like to say that you look splendid.” he added while mentioning Aster and Emery with his hands.

“You're too kind, sir. This is only thanks to the gowns.” Emery answered, faking nice ditziness so well that even Aster would have been fooled if she didn't know the assassin's true nature.

“Of course not! Only beautiful ladies would look good in these dresses.”

“Thank you, sir.” Emery said with a huge smile.

Aster was wondering which one of them Heraclius was thinking of inviting in his bed later.

“You may start the entertainment.” he said while smiling. Aster promised to herself that he wouldn't continue smiling for long...

Step 3. Heraclius also likes to be amused during his massage session. Today, he has called for a few dancers. The floor's maid is supposed to lead them to his room. The member of the team disguised as the maid will instead lead them into a trap. Once disguised, the fake dancers and the fake masseuse will go into Heraclius' room. They will have to keep the charade up until step 4 is completed.


**************


Step 4 begins...

Ilina didn't want to do this. She didn't want to bring food to the old pervert. But she didn't have a choice... Sir Heraclius was influential. If she didn't do it, she would be fired. She needed the job. She needed the money.

Last day, Heraclius made several lewd comments directed towards her and ordered her to stay while he was eating. When he was finished, he wanted her to take off her clothes, and she was only saved by Karen who, by luck, was looking for her because her chief was asking for her presence in the kitchen. Ilina was afraid that Heraclius would ask for more this time... The mere thought made her shiver. She was 25 and that man was twice her age! And married to boot!

Ilina was pushing the food cart. She needed to take the hotel's elevator. She resented how pretty her body was, as it meant that she was catching the eyes of people like Heraclius. She didn't want to do this...

On her way, she came across a woman wearing the clothes of the staff members of the fair. Her body was even more stunning than hers. She had red hair, but Ilina wondered if those weren't dyed. “Hello!” the woman said. “Is that Sir Heraclius' lunch?”

“Yes. Why are you asking?”

“I need to see him. Mind if I tag along?”

Ilina hadn't been informed about that. But, then again, she was a lowly caterer. Nobody would bother informing her of this kind of details. “Sure.” she answered. It would be nice to have someone to talk to...

“Great!”

Ilina cotinued her walk and the redhead followed her.

“What's your name?”

“Ilina. Yours?”

“Hana. I can't believe you get to see Sir Heraclius. He's one of the most powerful men of the country...”

“That doesn't make him a good person...” Ilina reflexively retorted. She immediately regretted saying it out loud. It was because of all the stress she had to deal with...

The red-haired staff woman didn't get mad at her. She seemed simply intrigued. “What do you mean?” she asked.

Ilina didn't have enough sleep last night. She was stressed and scared. This was probably the reason why she started to sum up her situation to a woman she barely knew, but who also was the only one who was looking concerned about her.

**************

When Ilina was done, they were already in the elevator. Hana didn't interrupt her. She seemed to understand her plight.

“I see... I guess that's the reason why he would go to a flower competition...” the redhead pensively said.

They exited the elevator. Ilina felt her anguish rising up. Room 416... she thought. Still a little more time...

Suddenly, Hana grabbed her arm.

“Listen. I may have a solution.” She led her a few doors away. They passed near a lonely maid, who was just leaving room 411.

“What solution?” Ilina asked, suddenly hopeful.

“I will take your place.”

“Take my place?”

“Yes. I'll take your clothes and your cart, and I'll go bring the lunch myself. And maybe give the old pervert what he deserves.”

Ilina frowned. This seemed like a strange and convoluted plan. And Hana forgot to mention one detail. “But, if you take my place, what will happen to me?”

“Well. That's the less pleasant part. I'll have to keep you bound and gagged out of sight. I don't want people to suspect you of complicity.”

“What?” Ilina said.

Then a cloth was suddenly clamped over her mouth and nose. Ilina let out a muffled shriek of surprise. It was the maid! She attacked her from behind!

“Don't struggle.” Hana whispered. “We're not going to hurt you. But we need you out of the way.”

Panicked, Ilina was breathing the fumes. She suddenly felt dizzy. Sleeping started to look very tempting to her mind... All her problems would be resolved... Ilina's struggles grew weaker and, soon, she fully accepted the sweet embrace of slumber.

**************

Once again, the closet was put to good use to stash an unwilling uniform donor.

“No ball tie for her, please.” Klenia said to Aaria, who was dragging the sleeping and underwear-clad blond young caterer in the back of the room. “Just do the bare minimum. Enough for her to not be suspected of complicity.”

“Got it.”

Klenia then put on the caterer uniform: black suitpants, white shirt, red waistcoat, small bowtie. She would have left her staff member uniform to redress Ilina, if there weren't probably DNA traces of her in it. Sorry girl... At least he will get what he deserved for everything he did... To you, to the other women, and to the villagers he had shot...

Leaving Aaria to finish tying up her victim, Klenia exited the closet and pushed the cart to room 416. Once in front, she reluctantly took the knife Emery gave her when she briefly met the others after passing the hotel's security check and that she hid in a sheath tied under her pants to her left leg. She put the weapon on the cart. Then she knocked.

“Lunch.” she announced.

“Enter.”

She complied. Heraclius was currently being massaged by Mikani, while Aster and Emery were doing a little dance for him. They were far from being as good as real dancers, but Heraclius didn't care. He wasn't interested in their dance moves... Klenia stoped the cart near Emery. Then her eyes and Mikani's met up. She nodded.

Step 4. For lunch, Heraclius uses the service of the catering crew. He specifically demanded that a young woman should bring him the food. Often, she has to stay in his room until the end of her shift. The caterer could arrive right at the middle of the operation, disrupting it and giving the alarm, or she could find the body too soon. The last remaining member of the team has to take her place and lock her out of sight.


**************


Step 5 begins...

As soon as she saw Klenia nod, Mikani immobilized Heraclius on his seat. Emery immediately took action. The knife was hidden on the catering cart by Klenia. She grabbed it and, when the man finally understood the danger he was in, Emery was already on him.

To his credit, Heraclius faced the assassin with courage and dignity. He didn't beg or bargain, he didn't cry, he didn't even ask her why. He simply coldly stared at her, a defiant look in his eyes.

Emery didn't care.

Step 5. Emery deals with the target.


Once all steps are completed, the members of the team have to change in their normal clothes, take the disguises with them in Aster's suitcases, remove all eventual fingerprints, then leave the hotel. Several other eliminated contestants will be leaving at the same time, as they don't want to assist to someone else's victory at the Botanical Competion. This will provide a good excuse for Aster's and her employee's early depart.


**************


Epilogue:

While they were in the bus driving them to their train station, they heard on the radio about the murder of Sir Heraclius Eudokia. The body had just been discovered. Aster wasn't even happy. She just felt a huge void.

The detectives didn't know where to start. Several mugged women were found, in the hotel and later in one caravan. They were all fine, but most of them were still in shock and couldn't be interrogated. They didn't have camera footage: the hotel management didn't think they needed one. There were hundreds of people in the hotel, half of them being women. Finding the culprit was a seemingly impossible task. Aster and her team covered their tracks well.

Aster sighed.

“You okay?” Klenia asked. Aaria and Mikani were also looking at her. They were worried.

“Yes. Let's just go home...” Aster answered.

Emery was sit on an other part of the bus. She wasn't paying attention to her teammates. She was looking through the window, her eyes as cold as ever.

**************

Aster wasn't even interrogated.

Her room wasn't in the same floor as Heraclius'. Most of the detectives probably even didn't notice she was here. One of them was corrupt and took bribes from the Rebellion to look into directions that suited its needs. Thanks to her (and her husband's) impeccable reputations, Aster was beneath suspicion.

Emery had also left clues pointing towards Heraclius' enemies among the Government, to create even more instability. The dye Aster and the others used had also the side-effect of rendering their eventual lost hair too damaged to be analysed. They took great care of removing every traces of what they did in Aster's room and all their prints in other places as well. They took all the clothes they used and burned the uniforms at Dimitri's factory. And even if the detectives did find usable traces, such as a piece of skin, they weren't even in the police's database.

Well Emery was... But they didn't know her face and she didn't live in the open anyway. When she wasn't in mission, she spent her time in one of the Rebellion's hideouts.

**************

Emery left them without a word. Without even a “good bye”. Hieron talked enough for two persons, but his partner simply stared at them.

Aster was happy that she was gone. She was happy that this mission was finished.

A few hours later, Klenia was resting and Aaria was busy handling the aftermath of their mission in South Window with Dimitri. They had just received the money for spying on the EarthSee Corp, and they were busy sending it to the different resistance networks across the Provinces. Mikani went to see Aster. The latter was busy drinking some alcohol she found on the shelf to think of something else.

Mikani remained silent a few minutes, then decided to talk. “You were right about Emery. I want to apologize for what I said at the Phocas Institute.”

“No need to apologize. She always sounds cool when you haven't met her yet.” Aster downed another glass. Then, she suddenly felt like adding: “You know what I hate the most about Emery? It's that, deep down inside, I know that if I didn't restrain myself, I would be like her.”

“You...”

“Deep down inside, I love the thrill I feel before each mission. Deep down inside, I love the feeling of superiority I have when I overpower someone or when I steal their uniform. Emery feels the same things. Just up to eleven. Most of her other emotions are dead. But she still feels that. It's not killing in itself that she likes, it's the sentiment of being stronger than the other. That's why she wants people to fear her."

"So..."

"So I have to keep my emotions in check, to be sure that they don't evolve into something darker...”

“Why do you keep doing this, then? Why do you keep doing your infiltrations?”

“Because there are people I hate far more than Emery.”

“The Government?”

Aster clenched her fists. “You have no idea how much I despise them... They hide behind their armies of goons, they commit atrocities, and then they get away with it because no one can reach them... At least, Emery is upfront about the kind of person she is. She doesn't try to sugarcoat her actions or to hide her true nature. These people are worse murderers than she will ever be, and yet they have the nerve to use the medias to make it look like they're the good guys...” Aster sighed.

“Well... We'll just have to make sure that everyone knows they're the bad guys... And then we'll crush them.” Mikani answered.

Aster gave a little smile. “Now that idea sounds way cooler than every story about Emery that could circulate!”

“We'll just have to find a way.”

“We will. One day...”


**************


THE END


Author's note: That's all folks, at least for now. I liked writing this story even more than the first, even though handling the balance between story and uniform theft, as well as the balance between lighter and darker moments, proved to be harder than I thought. And I realize now that, ultimately, Emery was a little underused. (Though she'll come back.) Still, I'm happy with the result.

It will probably take me more time to come up with the next part of the story, as I only have vague ideas about what I want to put in it. I do have an idea for a brief filler, but this will probably be done in one post.
Last edited by rufusluciusivan on Mon Feb 25, 2019 8:43 pm, edited 3 times in total.
esercito sconfitto
Posts: 8051
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 12:06 pm

Re: To overthrow the Utopia (Part 2) by Rufusluciusivan

Post by esercito sconfitto »

Rufusluciusivan, I want to say thank you for one of the best stories even presented at our ( quite nomad!) board


first of all, I have appreciated the pace of the novel

then, all the details... starting from the blog called badluckmachaismugged.com.

and finally the characters...I want to propose a suggestion about Emery;I believe that , as willing person, she is weak; after spending some time with Klenia... Emery will develop an intense interest for the underwears of her victims. :D

I believe Emery should be helped to find her inner, true self... :)

by the way, it's the only way to avoid her presence spoils the tone of the story ;)


Klenia...is unstoppable!
rufusluciusivan
Posts: 1571
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2017 5:08 pm

Re: To overthrow the Utopia (Part 2) by Rufusluciusivan

Post by rufusluciusivan »

Of course she's unstoppable! She's Klenia!

A huge thanks for all the compliments! They make me blush. :oops: The details were fun to add, so I'm glad others found them amusing as well.

And yes, good analysis. ;) Deep down inside, Emery is weak. Or, more precisely, she used to be weak, and now her sole goal in life is to never be weak anymore. Now, will Klenia or someone else be able to change her for the better? I don't know. It would be pretty hard. I would imagine it going like:
Klenia: "You know, there's more in life than just killing..."
Emery: "Killing is my life. That's what I trained for."

I won't give more away here. ;) I would have to talk more about Emery's past, in case I'll incorporate in a story. Gotta keep some suspense. ;)

As for the tone, I want the story to retain the serious elements. Our characters have colorful and fun personalities, but it's also their way to cope because they live in a rather nasty place. I just want to keep it from becoming too gritty. Hence why Klenia's help is very appreciated.
tirepanted3
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Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 11:40 am

Re: To overthrow the Utopia (Part 2) by Rufusluciusivan

Post by tirepanted3 »

Wonderful story! I really enjoyed reading it.

Great use of the step-by-step process to show the girls acquiring their uniforms one by one. Poor Ilina - for a brief moment, it looked like she would avoid the bondage fate of her coworkers. Sometimes it can be easier to convince women to give up their clothes (particularly if their job is difficult and replacing them would be a favor), but letting them wander around in their underwear is probably not the best idea.

I'd be interested in a story focused on Emery - it could be darker than usual, since you've already established her as a less-friendly character. There's a lot of tantalizing hints about her dark/malicious side, and it would be intriguing to see how she operates when Aster isn't around to rein her in.
rufusluciusivan
Posts: 1571
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2017 5:08 pm

Re: To overthrow the Utopia (Part 2) by Rufusluciusivan

Post by rufusluciusivan »

A huge thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

Yes, I hesitated to have Ilina willingly give her clothes, but ultimately decided against as it felt too unrealistic. Unfortunately, she couldn't escpae her bondage fate, or else she may have been suspected of being an accomplice.

I'm happy that you find Emery interesting. As for a story focused on her, I'll be honest and say that I hesitate a lot. On the one hand, Emery does live many "adventures" offscreen. On the other hand, Emery is a good foil for our other characters, but I don't know if she could work as a main character.
There's also another thing, but this one relies purely on my very personal taste. Without someone to rein her in, she would always use lethal takedowns. And I don't really like lethal takedowns, they make me feel uncomfortable. Now, I'm not saying that all characters in all stories should always survive, ask Heraclius for that. I'm aware that this is all fiction and doesn't happen to real persons. But, if the deaths of characters can be part of the story, I don't want to use them as part of Uniform Stealing scenes.(Hence why Emery's killings are always hinted or offscreen, but never shown. I want them to showcase her ruthless personality and dangerousness, but not give us a scene.) Personally, the idea to kill a person (who has dreams, family and friends) just because she happens to wear the right clothes makes me feel very uncomfortable. If the story can venture into dark and serious stuffs, I'd like the US scenes to remain nonlethal.
Of course, all I said here is purely personal taste and it's not meant to be an attack towards anyone. Again, I'm aware that everything on this board is fiction. I just wanted to share my thoughts on the subject and explain why I hesitate a lot about using Emery as a main character.
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