Uniform Stealing Board

Interception With Diversion - Part 1



by Aboneart





The old firs on the moss-grown hills afforded some welcomed shadows, protecting from the heat of the afternoon sun. Kori Hymph was nonchalantly leaning against the trunk of one of those large trees, her right leg bend, her arms crossed. She listened to a lonely sparrow singing his song above her in the treetops. The atmosphere in this part of the fir forest was peaceful, almost soothing and reminded Kori of the time she had been training to become a monk. And also of why she had chosen to abandon that path. Relaxing moments like these were calming and refreshing, but what would be coming next interested the purple haired criminal far more.

She let her gaze wander over to the nearby road. Not a single person, horse or carriage had been seen on it since Kori was waiting here. But she knew this would soon change. After all, that was the reason she was here.

Finding out which route the money transport would take hadn't been easy. For it had required unobtrusive operating. Of course Kori could have kidnapped someone in possession of the needed information and forced them to reveal it to her. But then she would've been forced to either let them go, or keep them as a prisoner until the job was over, causing them to be reported as missing. Both of these scenarios would have caused the transport's route to change. So she had been forced to stay hidden and operate from the shadows to get her hands on the information she needed. An approach she rather detested.

Kori's conspicuous looks had always made it difficult for her to not be noticed sooner or later. Her coloured hair, tall stature, purple clothing and most importantly the golden glowing tattoos all over her dark muscular skin were sure to gather attention wherever she went. Not exactly beneficial for a wanted criminal. In the past she had often teamed up with other less salient shady individuals, albeit only to usually betray them once the job was done. Kori did not like sharing. But thankfully none of that hassle would be necessary on today's job. She looked up at the sun through the tree's branches. It was almost time, the transport would be here soon. Kori slid down the sandy backside of the hill. Time to set up the trap.

Just as she got ready to block the road she heard a distant noise. It sounded similar to the singing of the sparrow she had listened to before. But it came closer. And it didn't take Kori long to realise that it was the whistling of a human being. "Not now, damn it!", she thought. "It's probably best to just hide and let the person pass." She left the road, ducked behind a large rock and waited.

A few moments later a woman entered her sight. She was quite a bit smaller than Kori, her head adorned by blonde braided hair, her body by grey and black clothes and her shoulder by a sack she was carrying. The song she was happily whistling sounded quite cheery. Too cheery for Kori's taste. But her anticipation of the woman finally being gone never came to fruition. Instead she stopped, not far away from the spot Kori had planned to set her trap, and dropped the sack.

"What the hell is she doing?", Kori thought. "This is a road rarely travelled, which is probably the reason it had been chosen for the money transport in the first place. It seems highly unlikely that someone would rest here, just before..." Then she wrapped her head around the situation. "She must have found out about the transport too." Kori pouted. A rivalling thief was the last she needed right now. She concluded it would be best to take her out quickly and use the rope she had hidden nearby to keep her in check, before she could stir up any trouble. In Kori's experience criminals tended to do that if left unattended.

The blonde woman was kneeling on the ground, puttering around with something in front of her. Kori slowly emerged from her cover. She had never been the most proficient at silently sneaking up. Open combat was more of her domain.

Unsurprisingly it didn't take long for the blonde woman to hear the footsteps and quickly turn around. Her dark eyes showed surprise while her lips formed a smile. "Ah, hello there, dear. I'm afraid this part of the road is already taken."

"Yes. Taken by me", Kori replied. "And I need you out of the way now. So don't take this personal." Without even giving her adversary an opportunity to answer she jumped forward and threw a powerful punch at her.

To Kori's great surprise the woman managed to avoid the attack by jumping backwards and quickly standing up. "My my, that was quite rude", she said. "You're the 'strike first, ask questions later' type, aren't you?"

"Only if I need to hurry. And if someone has a smile as punchable as yours." She quickly went for a second attack, but the other thief evaded it again.

The blonde woman took a step back and pulled two batons out of her belt. "Well then honey, I tried to be nice. Or rather play nice until I'd somehow trick you and stash you away bound and gagged to raid the money transport myself. I like this method a lot less. But it will lead to the same result."

"Oh yes, it will", Kori replied and cracked her knuckles. One second later she already had to block the first strike of the batons with her bracers. It still hurt quite a bit and Kori decided dodging them would be the better strategy from now on.

This was easier thought than done though, since the blonde woman was faster and more agile. Kori on the other hand was taller and stronger. She went for another jab, but her opponent avoided it yet again. Since the latter had weapons Kori found herself at a range disadvantage. "Be glad I don't have my hammer anymore", she grunted dauntingly.

"You seem to be doing fine without it", the blonde woman giggled. "I'm sure a strike from your fists isn't too shabby either."

"You bet. Just yesterday someone found out the hard way. A green goblin, said his name was Steve and that he wanted to kidnap me. One punch later he ran away, screaming like a giant frog. And you will be next."

"We'll see about that, dear."

The blonde thief raised her batons, the purple haired one her fists... and then they both halted.

"You hear that too?", Kori asked.

"Uhuh."

The women stared at each other for a few seconds as they heard the distant noise horses' hoofs.

"It wasn't supposed to pass through here this early", Kori said hectically. "They're going to turn around the corner in a few seconds and see us!"

"Hide!", the other woman muttered, tucked her batons away and disappeared between the nearby trees.

"Maybe we should delay our little showdown until we secured the transport", the blonde thief said once they were securely hidden by firs and bushes next to the road.

"Yes, maybe."

They watched from their hideouts as a convoy of seven mounted soldiers led a carriage along the way.

"So what now?", Kori asked. "You want to work together until we have the money?"

"Fine. And afterwards we can fight for it. Or share it."

"Right", Kori said, trying to hide the fact that she was anything but willing to share. "My name is Kori by the way."

"Pleased to meet you, dear Kori. My friends call me Elissa."

"Only your friends?"

"And everybody else as well. But the statement is still true. Come on, the road takes a turn and circles back around. If we cross the forest we can cut them off."


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Quickly traversing the woods had proven to be quite a bit more annoying for Kori than for the smaller Elissa. She had snapped a bunch of branches and at one point almost fallen over a big root, much to Elissa's amusement.

"We should have a few minutes", the blonde thief noted once they arrived at the road again.

"More than enough time for me", Kori replied and moved towards a fallen over tree trunk.

"There's no way you can use that one", Elissa told her. "It's way too heav... Huh." She nodded in appreciation as she saw Kori actually moving the clunky trunk and rolling it onto the road. "Damn, how are you that strong? What's your workout routine?"

"Can we stay focussed on the job?"

"I thought we had more than enough time anyways."

"..."

"Is it pushups? Pullups? Lifting stuff? I try to keep myself in shape, but how do I get that strong?"

"It has a lot to do with nutrition too..."

"That has to be so useful! If you get captured and bound you can just break the ropes with your strength!"

Kori frowned. "I can't break ropes. Believe me, I've tried."

"Oh, I see, my dear", Elissa laughed. "Gotten caught every now and then, eh?"

"What, have you never been captured or tied up?", Kori snubbed.

The blonde coughed. "N-no... That never happened to me before... Ehm, let's change topic. How do you plan to deal with the soldiers?"

Kori shrugged. "My plan was to block the road and stop the carriage. Then I would've figured something out."

"Oh, heads in first. I can respect that. That's usually what I do too. But this time..." She grabbed the sack she had brought with her and produced three fist-sized spheres. "Cadal-powder and iubhean-secretion. Make for an extraordinarily strong sleeping powder when mixed together, as I personally had to find out a while ago... The transport should be here any second, let's get into hiding."

Not long after the two thieves hid themselves in the nearby bushes again the convoy caught up to them. The mounted soldiers slowed down as they saw the trunk blocking the road and their plate armours clinked as they halted and looked around. The door of the carriage opened and a woman's head emerged. Her dark hair was forming a gallant bun, a golden necklace decorated her neck and even the expensive makeup on her face couldn't hide her strict expression. Her voice sounded cold, imperious and certainly used to giving orders. "What is going on? Why did we stop?"

"We apologize, Lady Thyag", one of the soldiers answered. "The road is blocked."

"Then move your useless asses and clear it up! Swiftly!"

"Uh, a real charming lady", Elissa whispered.

"I wonder why she's the one transporting the money", Kori replied.

"Well dear, we can ask her once we have her bound at our feet. Let's get the fun started."

"This better work..."

Elissa gave her a wink. Then she took hold of her three spheres and aimed carefully. In quick succession she threw them, one at the dismounted soldiers trying to remove the trunk, one at the carriage and one at the soldiers behind the vehicle. The devices exploded, releasing a barely visible smoke. Before the soldiers could react, let alone understand what was happening, they were already crumpling. Their iron armours clanked loudly as they hit the sandy road. Their horses fell asleep just as quickly.

"Hah!", Elissa exclaimed, no longer whispering. "High score!"

"Maybe I was actually lucky to meet her", Kori thought to herself. But she wouldn't have admitted it to Elissa. And neither her plans to get rid of the rivalling thief as soon as the money was secured.

Once the sleeping gas had fully faded away the criminals approached the carriage. Inside slept the noble lady, lying on the floor. She was wearing a posh black dress with a high collar and a golden necklace.

"So where's the money?", Elissa wondered while stepping over the sleeping soldiers. "It should be multiple sacks filled with coin."

They went on to search for it, in- and outside the carriage, even inside the horses' saddlebags. "I can't find it", Kori muttered. "I... I think... We..."

"Attacked the wrong convoy. This is not the money transport."

Kori lifted her hands and groaned in annoyance. But Elissa's reaction surprised her deeply. "Can you please stop?", she angrily snapped at her.

The blonde was shaking with laughter. "Hah, haha, we got the wrong carriage. We just attacked a random convoy for no reason. This is so funny!"

"Giving you a nice smack on the face is the only funny thing I can think of right now."

"Come on darling, we'll still raid the real cash transport of course. It should be here soon."

"Fine then, we better hurry and clean the road until it arrives. I have a bunch of rope hidden nearby. Let's pack these people up."

Elissa started smiling again. "Gladly. I also brought some rope and we can use their belts too. And I'm sure we'll find something to gag them with."

The two women worked quietly for a while, both of them quickly and efficiently binding the soldiers. But it didn't take long for Elissa to break the silence. "Is it handstands?"

"What?"

"Your workout."

"Could you stop asking me about this?"

"Could you start answering me?"

Kori sighed in annoyance and lashed up the wrists of the sleeping woman at her feet especially tightly.

Eventually all of the soldiers' arms and legs were securely bound with rope and straps and their mouths stuffed with rags. Elissa examined the ones Kori had tied up. "Hm, quite solid work, hoeny. You're not bad with ropes."

"You'll soon find out first-handed", Kori thought, but what she said was: "Neither are you."

"Time to take care of Miss Fancy as well", Elissa smiled, entered the carriage again and dragged the sleeping noblewoman out.

Kori noticed that some of the horses and even one of the bound soldiers started moving. "Is the soporific already subsiding?"

"Yeah, it doesn't last all too long", Elissa answered while lashing rope around the waking up noblewoman's arms and legs.

"Do you have any more of it? For the actual money transport."

"Nope, all used up."

"Fine, we'll figure something..."

The noblewoman moaned. "What... what is happening... Who... Get off me you crooks! What is this insolence?!" Her strength was returning quickly as she started struggling, trying to strain the rope around her arms. But all she accomplished was to get Elissa to take even more rope to add to her already secure boxtie. "How dare you! What is the meaning of this attack? Explain yourself before I lose my temper!"

"I'm pretty sure you lost it already", Kori said dismissively.

"I still want to tell her", Elissa laughed while finishing the knots. "Because it's just so hilarious. Well, Miss Rich-Lady, we attacked you because we thought you'd be a money transport. It was all a mistake. Isn't that funny?"

The noblewoman starred at her in disbelief. "What? Are you kidding me? How can someone be this stupid!? You filthy criminals will release me at once!"

Neither of the thieves answered.

"Do you even know who I am?", the woman kept ranting. "My name is Lady Thyag! Head of one of the oldest noble houses to be known far and wide! One word from me and the two of you will spend the rest of your days working in a slave mine!"

"Really now? In that case we better shut you up." Elissa forcefully jammed a large rag behind Lady Thyag's teeth and used a bit of rope to keep it there. After that she wrapped an additional rag around her mouth. "No more words from you for a while, sweetheart", she cackled while throwing her to the ground and standing up herself.

"We better hurry", Kori noted while Lady Thyag was furiously trying to kick Elissa with her bound legs. "We still have to hide them." She pointed at the soldiers, most of which had regained their consciousness by now and were somewhere between confusion and trying to free themselves. "Let's take them into the woods."

Kori and Elissa started moving the struggling soldiers into the nearby undergrowth, each with their own method: Elissa dragging one at a time and Kori carrying two over her shoulders.

"Is it squats?"

"Will you stop?!"

"Will you stop being so cool and strong?"

"Just shut up and keep working, we don't have much time left!"


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"That should do it", Elissa rejoiced. The soldiers were now lying, sitting and standing in the high grass, some tied to firs, others to their comrades' backs, still others hogtied. Lady Thyag had been bound face first against a thick tree, her chest and thighs pressing against the trunk. An additional rag had been wrapped above her gag to further muffle her ranting. "Everybody comfortable? Hm, no one seems to be complaining. Unsurprising, after all you people can now enjoy the fresh air of this beautiful forest all in peace."

"All this turned into much more of a hassle than anticipated", Kori thought. "Hopefully everything will go smoothly from now on out. And then I'll dispose of that annoying blonde brat and leave with all the money for myself." It was a twisted thought, but it made Kori smile.

The thieves walked back towards the road. Lady Thyag's carriage and the two horses in front of it were the only signs left of the once proud convoy, since the other horses had been hid nearby.

"We should keep those two for our escape", Kori suggested. "We also have to hide the carriage..."

"Wait a second", Elissa interrupted her. "No, we don't!"

"What?"

"I have a plan. An exciting one at that. And there I was thinking this day couldn't get any better! Come darling, back to our prisoners."

The fiendish grin on her fellow thief's face worried Kori deeply.

Once they arrived back at their captives, Elissa approached Lady Thyag. "Enjoying yourself?", she taunted and put a hand on the noblewoman's shoulder.

Lady Thyag turned her head and gave Elissa a deadly glare from the corner of her eye. One that turned even more angry as Elissa spoke her next sentence.

"I'm terribly sorry, but I need your dress."

"Dmh hhm dhh!"

"Oh, and Kori, you need one of the armours. Look for a woman of your size and shape. And rid three more of their armours as well, then we need to get them back to the carriage."

"What the fuck are you planning?"

"You'll see, dear. Now everybody be so kind and don't look at your Lady. I'm sure she'd be embarrassed if her subordinates saw her in underwear."


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"This will never work!", Kori scolded once they were back at the carriage, trying to get comfortable inside the heavy chainmail and plate armour she was now wearing.

"Relax dear, this plan is flawless."

"No, it's utterly ridiculous! Do you always do stupid crap like this? How is it even possible you're not already locked up somewhere?"

Elissa just kept smiling and admiring Lady Thyag's still slightly dirty black dress and her golden collar she was wearing. "Don't I look fancy?"

"No. You look like a criminal who stole a dress."

"Thanks, that's even better. Remember: This is our carriage. I am Anne of Assile, a rich and powerful lady. You are Irok, my loyal bodyguard." She nodded towards the three disarmed soldiers, lying bound and gagged next to them. "These three are bandits who attacked us and made us stop."

"They will blow our cover..."

"I don't think so. It should be rather difficult for them to talk, considering how heavily I stuffed and sealed their mouths. Everything will work out nicely. Just stay in character, all right?"

"Fine! But even if the people transporting the money believe us, what then?"

"We'll figure something out. That was your plan all along, wasn't it? By, the way, is it sit-u..."

"Don't you even start!" Kori sighed. She didn't know what worried her most: The possibility of the prisoners inside the forest getting free, the overly boastful way Elissa was acting, especially since she was wearing the dress, or the annoying armour that slowed her down. But as she saw the actual money transport approach in the distance, guarded by heavily armed riders, she knew one thing with certainty: She did not like this situation. Not one bit.