Taking down the Monteleones 2: The Santa Anna

[esercito sconfitto]

Welcome to the real USB board, Arc my friend

[esercito sconfitto]

and don't worry, brawls attract more readers, look at what happens in mainstream literature

[tirepanted3]

Fun story, with a nice variety of clothes and uniforms. Nice to see a supporting cast of heroines already emerging. The comment of "I have to take thy place" to the actress playing Juliet made me chuckle.

I'd say it may help if the USB scenes had a little more room to breathe. There's a lot of action and a lot of uniform steals, but they go by very quickly and it's hard to acknowledge them all. Especially since there are so many characters, it may help to have more scenes between the USB scenes that develop their characters and differing personalities.

Regarding the sense of "realism" in USB stories - I personally try to write stories in a way that feel realistic within their own world. A world in which women constantly engage in uniform stealing may be unrealistic, but I try to write it in a way where it could potentially make sense, while still being a little tongue-in-cheek. I try to give the characters believable personalities, and of course I love exploring how the concept of uniform stealing shapes and develops their personas. I also try to makes sure that every uniform steal feels necessary (to the character committing them, at least) within the context of the story. It's not always easy, but that's my preferred way of approaching the writing.

[Arc]

Fun story, with a nice variety of clothes and uniforms. Nice to see a supporting cast of heroines already emerging. The comment of "I have to take thy place" to the actress playing Juliet made me chuckle.

I'd say it may help if the USB scenes had a little more room to breathe. There's a lot of action and a lot of uniform steals, but they go by very quickly and it's hard to acknowledge them all. Especially since there are so many characters, it may help to have more scenes between the USB scenes that develop their characters and differing personalities.

Regarding the sense of "realism" in USB stories - I personally try to write stories in a way that feel realistic within their own world. A world in which women constantly engage in uniform stealing may be unrealistic, but I try to write it in a way where it could potentially make sense, while still being a little tongue-in-cheek. I try to give the characters believable personalities, and of course I love exploring how the concept of uniform stealing shapes and develops their personas. I also try to makes sure that every uniform steal feels necessary (to the character committing them, at least) within the context of the story. It's not always easy, but that's my preferred way of approaching the writing.

[Arc]

Fun story, with a nice variety of clothes and uniforms. Nice to see a supporting cast of heroines already emerging. The comment of "I have to take thy place" to the actress playing Juliet made me chuckle.

I'd say it may help if the USB scenes had a little more room to breathe. There's a lot of action and a lot of uniform steals, but they go by very quickly and it's hard to acknowledge them all. Especially since there are so many characters, it may help to have more scenes between the USB scenes that develop their characters and differing personalities.

Regarding the sense of "realism" in USB stories - I personally try to write stories in a way that feel realistic within their own world. A world in which women constantly engage in uniform stealing may be unrealistic, but I try to write it in a way where it could potentially make sense, while still being a little tongue-in-cheek. I try to give the characters believable personalities, and of course I love exploring how the concept of uniform stealing shapes and develops their personas. I also try to makes sure that every uniform steal feels necessary (to the character committing them, at least) within the context of the story. It's not always easy, but that's my preferred way of approaching the writing.

Thank you very much tirepanted for your invaluable opinion. As I've said, I'm a great fan of your work, so I really appreciate your tips and thoughts on my story.

I agree that there should be more "room to breath". While I did want to give a sense of "race against time to the mission", its also important to have some more descriptive and narrative parts to the story. It's something I know I could improve at, and I'm working on it.
I also agree that the characters need to be flashed out more. It's mostly what I'm trying to do with the shorter stories, at least for Jane and Kate. O’Gallagan girls will feature more in the future, and regarding Kaminski's team, for now they were just to show how elaborated the operation was, and except for the team leader I don’t really plan to have them feature a lot ( at least, for now)

I agree 100% with your opinion on "realism" in a USB story. I also try to give an in-world logic to everything, as well as build a more-or-,less realistic world. However, as you've said its not an easy task, and I feel that I could really improve at it. But still, experience is the best teacher, so I'm going to keep on trying.

Thank you again tirepanted. You've really given me some important observations.

[simon4242]

Fun story, with a nice variety of clothes and uniforms. Nice to see a supporting cast of heroines already emerging. The comment of "I have to take thy place" to the actress playing Juliet made me chuckle.

I'd say it may help if the USB scenes had a little more room to breathe. There's a lot of action and a lot of uniform steals, but they go by very quickly and it's hard to acknowledge them all. Especially since there are so many characters, it may help to have more scenes between the USB scenes that develop their characters and differing personalities.

Regarding the sense of "realism" in USB stories - I personally try to write stories in a way that feel realistic within their own world. A world in which women constantly engage in uniform stealing may be unrealistic, but I try to write it in a way where it could potentially make sense, while still being a little tongue-in-cheek. I try to give the characters believable personalities, and of course I love exploring how the concept of uniform stealing shapes and develops their personas. I also try to makes sure that every uniform steal feels necessary (to the character committing them, at least) within the context of the story. It's not always easy, but that's my preferred way of approaching the writing.

thats the point i was trying to make about your stories tireplanted clearly you write your stories tongue in cheek but they have a solid premise,,,arc has a more serous tone but has i feel a unrealistic premise however going forward with time the writing will improve and i have no doubts that arc will be another stellar addition to the talented bunch of writers on here

[esercito sconfitto]

Arc, can you provide us with a "casting call" for the main characters of this saga?

[Arc]

Arc, can you provide us with a "casting call" for the main characters of this saga?

Of course esercito. I don't know about a "casting call" proper but I can give a general description of the main characters.


1. Name: Kate Buchannan
Sex: F
Age: Late thirties, early fourties
Built: Slender
Height: Tall
Skin: Fair
Hair: Auburn Red, tied in a pixie cut
Eyes: Blue
Nationality: American
Role: Classified (The Organization's director, currently "only" a Team Leader to everyone but Menagerial level Organization members)

2. Name: Jane Cassidy
Sex: F
Age: 24
Built: Medium
Height: Medium
Skin: Fair
Hair: Straight Ash blonde cut at armpit lenght
Eyes: Grey
Nationality: American
Role: Organization Junior Team Member

3. Name: Patricia O'Gallagan
Sex: F
Age: late thirties, early fourties
Built: Slender
Height: Tall
Skin: Pale White
Hair: Curly Bright Orange cut at armpit lenght
Eyes: Green
Nationality: Irish
Role: Senior Team Leader as well as a member of the Board of Directors and Department Menagers

4. Name: Mary Stuart
Sex: F
Age: 25
Build: Medium
Height: Short
Skin: Pale White
Hair: Straight Light Brown cut at shoulder's lenght
Eyes: Blue
Nationality: British
Role: Junior Team Member

5. Name: Georgine Brown
Sex: F
Age: 27
Built: Medium
Height: Tall
Skin: Dark Brown
Hair: Curly Jet Black, cut at shoulder's lenght
Eyes: Brown
Nationality: American
Role: Team Member

6. Name: Sophia Clemenceau
Sex: F
Age: 26
Built: Medium
Height: Medium
Skin: Fair
Hair: Curly Reven Black Hair, cut at armpit lenght
Eyes: Green
Nationality: French
Role: Team Member

7. Name: Anna Mendoza
Sex: F
Age: 29
Built: Slender
Height: Short
Skin: Olive
Hair: Straight Dark Brown, cut at armpit's lenght
Eyes: Blue
Nationality: Spanish
Role: Senior Team Member

I'll also add the descriptions of Albert Mackenzie, LaVille e Kaminski, even if they are not exactly main characters

8. Name: Albert Mackenzie
Sex: M
Age: 63
Built: Slender
Height: Short
Skin: Pale White
Hair: Grey, cut short
Eyes: Blue
Nationality: Canadian
Role: Assistant to the Director, Acting Director

9. Name: René LaVille
Sex: M
Age: 45
Built:Robust
Heigh: Medium
Skin: Fair
Hair: Brown, cut short
Eyes: Brown
Nationality: French
Role: Senior Team Supervisor

10. Name: Marie Kaminsky
Sex: F
Age: 39
Built: Slender
Height: Medium
Skin: Pale White
Hair: Light Brown cut at shoulder's lenght
Eyes: Grey
Nationality: Polish
Role: Senior Team Leader



I hope this has been of help