The Nakamura Tower Heist Pt2

[rufusluciusivan]

Well, since this part ends with a musical reference, allow me to start my comment with one:

We're men, we're men in tights.
We roam around the forest looking for fights.
We're men, we're men in tights.

We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!
We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights!
We're men, we're men in tights,

Always on guard defending the people's rights.

Yes, I'm recycling the joke I made a long time ago on one of Torreken's stories. I'm lazy that way.

On a more serious note, since my comment of part 1 was more a general statement, allow me to rectify myself here - basically, this comment also works for the Part 1 of the story.

- In general, I think this story shares the same quality as the other good stories on this Board: a good rythm when it comes to the description. It gives enough details about the women mugged: their appearances, their hairstyles, their body proportions, their clothes (and underwear), and even snippets of their personal lives (said woman hates her job, said woman sucks at poker, said woman hopes to date an other one, and so forth...). However, at the same time, they're not too long either.

In that regards, Part 1 is superior to Part 2 in my opinion, most likely because we are given more details about the victims of the day - such as with Melissa and the three guards, instead of having everyone being introduced during one long enumeration.

- In this story, I appreciate the high number of victims and the variety of uniforms. It allows for more diversity in the uniforms and appearances. That's the advantage of longer stories with many characters.

Now, I know this is mostly a matter of taste, but personally I'm always left longing for more when I read a story which uses the format: "one chapter, one victim".

- It's only a detail, but details are what makes stories worth reading. I think it's always good when a story goes one step further and tries to "show, don't tell" something. Case in point here: Gina and her team act differently when they deal with the employees, and when they deal with the rich people. While they let the employees keep their underwear, they leave the rich women completely naked. Therefore, instead of telling that Gina and her Merry Women despise rich people, the story shows it. A clever piece of writing.

- Like Torreken, I appreciated Part 1 more than Part 2, but given how quickly they've been posted anyway, it's as if I read a story in one go - Part 1 is the proper 'infiltration' part of the heist, while Part 2 shows the aftermath of the infiltration. An epilogue is always a nice touch.

Also, Part 1 features women stashed inside lockers. Instant win.

That's it for now. Good luck for your next story.

[esercito sconfitto]

hey Stormtrooper1990, man

yes you

man don't misunderstand me

but I love you

PS just a suggestion, post this story ( pt 1 and pt2 ) at your DA account

PPS these Merry Women, don't make them lazy

[Stormtrooper1990]

Well, since this part ends with a musical reference, allow me to start my comment with one:

We're men, we're men in tights.
We roam around the forest looking for fights.
We're men, we're men in tights.

We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!
We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights!
We're men, we're men in tights,

Always on guard defending the people's rights.

Yes, I'm recycling the joke I made a long time ago on one of Torreken's stories. I'm lazy that way.

On a more serious note, since my comment of part 1 was more a general statement, allow me to rectify myself here - basically, this comment also works for the Part 1 of the story.

- In general, I think this story shares the same quality as the other good stories on this Board: a good rythm when it comes to the description. It gives enough details about the women mugged: their appearances, their hairstyles, their body proportions, their clothes (and underwear), and even snippets of their personal lives (said woman hates her job, said woman sucks at poker, said woman hopes to date an other one, and so forth...). However, at the same time, they're not too long either.

In that regards, Part 1 is superior to Part 2 in my opinion, most likely because we are given more details about the victims of the day - such as with Melissa and the three guards, instead of having everyone being introduced during one long enumeration.

- In this story, I appreciate the high number of victims and the variety of uniforms. It allows for more diversity in the uniforms and appearances. That's the advantage of longer stories with many characters.

Now, I know this is mostly a matter of taste, but personally I'm always left longing for more when I read a story which uses the format: "one chapter, one victim".

- It's only a detail, but details are what makes stories worth reading. I think it's always good when a story goes one step further and tries to "show, don't tell" something. Case in point here: Gina and her team act differently when they deal with the employees, and when they deal with the rich people. While they let the employees keep their underwear, they leave the rich women completely naked. Therefore, instead of telling that Gina and her Merry Women despise rich people, the story shows it. A clever piece of writing.

- Like Torreken, I appreciated Part 1 more than Part 2, but given how quickly they've been posted anyway, it's as if I read a story in one go - Part 1 is the proper 'infiltration' part of the heist, while Part 2 shows the aftermath of the infiltration. An epilogue is always a nice touch.

Also, Part 1 features women stashed inside lockers. Instant win.

That's it for now. Good luck for your next story.

Thanks Rufus, as both an Englishman and from the city of Nottingham I appreciate the classic Robin Hood song reference. It's one of the reasons I enjoyed writing this up. As both a non lethal homage to Die Hard and to a legendary folk hero, and native son.


I wanted to convey that Gina and the Merry Women, like their namesakes, despised the rich. As the old saying goes "Actions speak louder than words.


As with most of my stories, I love scenarios with multiple victims as like you say it acts variety and really does allow me to stretch my imagination. This story represents the most victims I have ever had in one story. Breaking my previous record of nine in "The End of Watch."


When I read the stories back, I also prefer Pt1 because the first takedown of Melissa the receptionist was the most fun to write. And out of the Merry band of Women, my favourite is Naomi. Her cold detachment along with the fun she has makes her an unforgettable character.


And you cannot beat stashing underwear clad unconscious women in lockers.


I appreciate your kind words, rufus and thank you for reading my story.

[Stormtrooper1990]

hey Stormtrooper1990, man

yes you

man don't misunderstand me

but I love you

PS just a suggestion, post this story ( pt 1 and pt2 ) at your DA account

PPS these Merry Women, don't make them lazy

For some strange reason, I cannot seem to post my work onto DA. I have contacted the DA team and they said I'am using an old version of Android which means I cannot post.

Funny thing is, I have an up-to date phone with the latest Android and still nothing. So at the minute the USB is the only place I can showcase my creativity.

I might have to get a new device eventually.


In fact I was thinking of planning the Merry Women's next heist. I was discussing ideas with Meditions about a bank heist. Then probably an Oceans Eleven style casino job. I always had a fantasy about Vegas showgirls getting their outfits stolen. The Casinos of Vegas represent an untapped potential of USB ideas.

Watch this space my friend

[meditions142]

[/quote]


When I read the stories back, I also prefer Pt1 because the first takedown of Melissa the receptionist was the most fun to write. And out of the Merry band of Women, my favourite is Naomi. Her cold detachment along with the fun she has makes her an unforgettable character.

[/quote]

I have to agree with you. The scene with Melissa being taken down and then stripped by Naomi stands out in a story that is already amazing.

I love the idea of Melissa putting on her best receptionist smile and warmly greeting Ingrid and Naomi. Doing her best to do her job having no idea what these two women are about to do to her.

And Naomi's actions are perfect. She had fun with Melissa yet is still detached. She can have fun speaking to the unconscious Melissa, apologizing to her and calling her "sweetheart" (which of course Melissa can't hear) but yet then she coldly uses Melissa's unconscious body as a foot stool as she mans the desk in her place.

The whole scene is just spectacular.

[Stormtrooper1990]

When I read the stories back, I also prefer Pt1 because the first takedown of Melissa the receptionist was the most fun to write. And out of the Merry band of Women, my favourite is Naomi. Her cold detachment along with the fun she has makes her an unforgettable character.

[/quote]

I have to agree with you. The scene with Melissa being taken down and then stripped by Naomi stands out in a story that is already amazing.

I love the idea of Melissa putting on her best receptionist smile and warmly greeting Ingrid and Naomi. Doing her best to do her job having no idea what these two women are about to do to her.

And Naomi's actions are perfect. She had fun with Melissa yet is still detached. She can have fun speaking to the unconscious Melissa, apologizing to her and calling her "sweetheart" (which of course Melissa can't hear) but yet then she coldly uses Melissa's unconscious body as a foot stool as she mans the desk in her place.

The whole scene is just spectacular.
[/quote]

The idea for using the unfortunate Melissa as a footstool came from a picture that was shown here on the board. The art called "Sorry officer she Doesn't Work Here." I noticed the fake waitress resting her foot on the real waitress. I just thought what if that girl was unconscious and the image stuck in my mind. Coming to life with Naomi's treatment of the unfortunate Melissa.

The idea that Melissa is on her first day at work, utterly bored at the lack of contact and action. Then when she as a chance to put her training to use she gets darted, stripped and shoved under her desk, being used as a footstool for the rest of the evening

[Torreken]

That is interesting: I would argue that bondage is a key part of any US scenario. In fact, for me it is the biggest pull. Nevertheless, happy to disagree

Maybe we can make a poll of what elements are mandatory for the genre and what are our favourites (probably it has been done before, so sorry in advance).

[Stormtrooper1990]

That is interesting: I would argue that bondage is a key part of any US scenario. In fact, for me it is the biggest pull. Nevertheless, happy to disagree

Maybe we can make a poll of what elements are mandatory for the genre and what are our favourites (probably it has been done before, so sorry in advance).

That's ok, it's good we all are different. The world would be a boring place otherwise.

I think it there as been a poll of that done in General discussion.

But in my opinion I think the mandatory aspects for any US scenario are thus.

-Full descriptions of the uniforms our vics are wearing.

-Full descriptions of their appearance.

-Full descriptions of our heroines(or villans in a lethal scenario)

- In non-lethal our heroines must be detached from the welfare of their victims and have fun as well.

- Full description of the aftermath, including descriptions of underwear or breasts, ass and vulva if naked.(My personal preference)

- Victim disposal(Whether locker,dumpster, bushes or overboard if at sea and lethal.) No offence but who has time to tie people up. A quick sedative and they are out for hours, no need for rope( Again no offence). Lethal solves this problem as well

Add those together, with a little seasoning and boom you have a US scenario.

In my opinion, the biggest pull on the US genre for me is the stripping and the aftermath. Seeing the woman being stripped by a more intelligent stronger woman and the aftermath of seeing her naked or in her undies is the biggest turn on for me.( Or imagining it, if its offscreen.)

[meditions142]

That is interesting: I would argue that bondage is a key part of any US scenario. In fact, for me it is the biggest pull. Nevertheless, happy to disagree

Maybe we can make a poll of what elements are mandatory for the genre and what are our favourites (probably it has been done before, so sorry in advance).

That's ok, it's good we all are different. The world would be a boring place otherwise.

I think it there as been a poll of that done in General discussion.

But in my opinion I think the mandatory aspects for any US scenario are thus.

-Full descriptions of the uniforms our vics are wearing.

-Full descriptions of their appearance.

-Full descriptions of our heroines(or villans in a lethal scenario)

- In non-lethal our heroines must be detached from the welfare of their victims and have fun as well.

- Full description of the aftermath, including descriptions of underwear or breasts, ass and vulva if naked.(My personal preference)

- Victim disposal(Whether locker,dumpster, bushes or overboard if at sea and lethal.) No offence but who has time to tie people up. A quick sedative and they are out for hours, no need for rope( Again no offence). Lethal solves this problem as well

Add those together, with a little seasoning and boom you have a US scenario.

In my opinion, the biggest pull on the US genre for me is the stripping and the aftermath. Seeing the woman being stripped by a more intelligent stronger woman and the aftermath of seeing her naked or in her undies is the biggest turn on for me.( Or imagining it, if its offscreen.)

I certainly think you hit the key issues that need to be in the story.

I do like that detachment idea. If the story is non-lethal, the uniform thief has left the woman alive thereby showing they at least don't want to kill her. However, they don't have any qualms about putting her to sleep and leaving her hidden away in her bra and panties or maybe even naked. And of course I like when the attacker makes cute little comments to the unconscious woman or admires her body a bit. As I have said before, they look at the women as obstacles to their mission and tools to help complete it (i.e. a uniform that can be stolen).

I also agree with your comment about "seeing the woman being stripped by a more intelligent stronger woman". That is something I particularly like in the sentry scenes. I love to image the sentry as just a girl who is young, not well trained and a bit naive and clueless. She may be armed but she is no match for the smarter, stronger and more skilled intruder coming for her uniform. She is an easy target.

As for bondage, I do agree with Torreken that it can be a key element of the story and I will say a well written scene describing the woman be tied up and gagged can be very sexy. However, I do really enjoy the idea of doing something that will keep the woman asleep for a long time. That can be perhaps shooting her with a tranq dart with a powerful sedative that knocks her out quickly and lasts a long time. Or it could be a knockout like a nerve pinch or neck chop that will not last long but then, before the uniform thief moves on, giving the woman an injection of sedative that will keep her asleep for a long time.

[Stormtrooper1990]

That is interesting: I would argue that bondage is a key part of any US scenario. In fact, for me it is the biggest pull. Nevertheless, happy to disagree

Maybe we can make a poll of what elements are mandatory for the genre and what are our favourites (probably it has been done before, so sorry in advance).

That's ok, it's good we all are different. The world would be a boring place otherwise.

I think it there as been a poll of that done in General discussion.

But in my opinion I think the mandatory aspects for any US scenario are thus.

-Full descriptions of the uniforms our vics are wearing.

-Full descriptions of their appearance.

-Full descriptions of our heroines(or villans in a lethal scenario)

- In non-lethal our heroines must be detached from the welfare of their victims and have fun as well.

- Full description of the aftermath, including descriptions of underwear or breasts, ass and vulva if naked.(My personal preference)

- Victim disposal(Whether locker,dumpster, bushes or overboard if at sea and lethal.) No offence but who has time to tie people up. A quick sedative and they are out for hours, no need for rope( Again no offence). Lethal solves this problem as well

Add those together, with a little seasoning and boom you have a US scenario.

In my opinion, the biggest pull on the US genre for me is the stripping and the aftermath. Seeing the woman being stripped by a more intelligent stronger woman and the aftermath of seeing her naked or in her undies is the biggest turn on for me.( Or imagining it, if its offscreen.)

I certainly think you hit the key issues that need to be in the story.

I do like that detachment idea. If the story is non-lethal, the uniform thief has left the woman alive thereby showing they at least don't want to kill her. However, they don't have any qualms about putting her to sleep and leaving her hidden away in her bra and panties or maybe even naked. And of course I like when the attacker makes cute little comments to the unconscious woman or admires her body a bit. As I have said before, they look at the women as obstacles to their mission and tools to help complete it (i.e. a uniform that can be stolen).

I also agree with your comment about "seeing the woman being stripped by a more intelligent stronger woman". That is something I particularly like in the sentry scenes. I love to image the sentry as just a girl who is young, not well trained and a bit naive and clueless. She may be armed but she is no match for the smarter, stronger and more skilled intruder coming for her uniform. She is an easy target.

As for bondage, I do agree with Torreken that it can be a key element of the story and I will say a well written scene describing the woman be tied up and gagged can be very sexy. However, I do really enjoy the idea of doing something that will keep the woman asleep for a long time. That can be perhaps shooting her with a tranq dart with a powerful sedative that knocks her out quickly and lasts a long time. Or it could be a knockout like a nerve pinch or neck chop that will not last long but then, before the uniform thief moves on, giving the woman an injection of sedative that will keep her asleep for a long time.

I think you hit the nail on the head there, meds, a good summary.

The issue I have with bondage is realism, in reality no infiltrator or team while be lugging around lengths of rope and duct tape for the sole purpose of tieing people up. I prefer speedy clean infiltrations, with a strong female character knocks out, or kills, the uniform donor strips her, puts on the uniform and disposes of the body. Tieing an unconscious woman up wastes time and runs the risk of her escaping.

Like you meds, I prefer using a strong sedative on the victim keeps her under for awhile and allows her to be easily stashed, out of sight out of mind. Or like you said, knock her out with a neck pinch or a swift neck chop then follow-through with the sedative.

If there as to be bondage, then I prefer improvised bondage. Tie the victim(s) up with whatevers at hand, like discarded clothing, towels or cable ties found in the back of police cars. But in general its not a feature of my work.