Like Cat and Dog...

[rufusluciusivan]

Once again, I deeply thank tirepanted for his advices and propositions. I hope you'll enjoy this (final?) part of our collaboration.




Like Cat and Dog...

**************

Okay, first, make sure you're up-to-page. (Inhales deeply.) So, in chronological order: viewtopic.php?f=234&t=8827 viewtopic.php?f=234&t=8855 viewtopic.php?f=51&t=8953 viewtopic.php?f=234&t=8971 viewtopic.php?f=51&t=8997

You're good? Then ready your seat belts! Here we go!

**************

“My, my, what a sight. It’s not every day you catch two snoops with their pants down. Literally.”

It is indeed the exact worst moment for a snoop to be caught in the act.

Crap!

Gwen and I share a glance, and turn to face the newcomer.

Madame Masque is standing a few feet away from us. Alone. I obviously can’t see her face, but I can hear her smile in her voice.

Strangely, I don’t feel embarrassed because I’ve been surprised by a stranger in my skivvies; or scared because I’m facing one of the meanest most vindictive mob bosses out there.

I only feel an intense bout of irrational anger.

“Fool! I don’t know why you chose to confront us alone, but be prepared for a lesson in pain!” I glance towards Gwen. “Immobilize her. I’m gonna break her kneecaps.”

Masque doesn’t lose her calm. “No need to get to such extremities.”

She takes off her mask, revealing…

“Tada!”

“Felicia?” Gwen mutters.

“Black Cat?” I exclaim.

Felicia obviously relishes seeing our expressions of surprise. “In the flesh. Did you miss me?” She looks me in the eyes, and smiles mischievously. “Admit it. You missed me.”

I blink. Oh… How much I hate her cat-like grin...

“Gwen. Web her up. I’m gonna break her kneecaps.” I repeat.

My partner sighs. “MJ. We don’t have time for your rivalry thing.”

Deep down inside, I know she’s right. And that makes me even angrier.

But I can’t help it. Bottom line, Felicia and I get along like cat and dog, if you pardon me the joke.

Though can you blame me? Black Cat is encroaching on my territory. Infiltration is my shtick, but she always comes to steal my thunder!

Plus, she just has to be so smug about it... She’s more agile than me. More athletic and better at hand-to-hand combat too. And she didn’t even need to be bitten by a super-powered spider to reach that level! She has an acute hearing, supposedly bad luck powers (at least that’s what all morons pretend). Her breasts are bigger, her hair are softer… She was a successful model when I’m a failed stage actress… And she doesn’t waste any opportunity to flaunt her superiority to my face! Truly, I can’t understand why Peter, Gwen, and Miles are so lenient with her.

Scratch that. I know why Peter is. (Did I mention Felicia was a model?) But I was expecting more from Gwen and Miles.

“What are you doing here, Felicia?” Gwen asks the newcomer.

“The same thing as you, apparently.” She glances at my half-naked body, than at the Cube.

I cover my chest with one arm, keep the device closer to myself with the other hand, and regret I don’t have a third arm to cover my other private parts. Of course I had to come across Felicia while wearing some un-glamorous second-hand undergarments. (Don’t judge me. I’m a vigilante on a budget.)

Black Cat quickly eyes my faded green briefs, but is tactful enough to not comment on them. (Maybe she realizes, had she done that, not even Gwen would have been able to prevent me from ripping her eyes off.)

“Don’t worry Red. I’m not interested in experimental weapons. Ransoming governments is too much trouble. And I don’t exactly want to try and sell it either. Might as well put a giant target on my back when Kingpin hears of it.”

She sounds sincere, but she’s also a consummate liar. I don’t trust her.

“I hoped the mob bosses gathered here would bring something worth stealing.” Felicia pretends to sigh. “Alas, it looks like I wasted my time… Might as well make my leave before things get too ugly. Wanna tag along?”

“Why would you want that?”

“Come on, MJ. After all this time, even you should have realized I’m on the Spiders’ side.” Felicia pauses for dramatic effect, then adds. “Also, you’re not the only one who thinks having a spider-powered bodyguard makes you safer. Strength in numbers, they say.”

Once again, I don’t believe one word of what she’s saying. Felicia Hardy is on nobody’s side except hers. If she wants to team up with us, she must have an ulterior motive.

I’d like to argue further, but we hear a commotion in the corridors. The two technicians we mugged have been discovered in the server room. We don’t have time to waste. And as much as I hate to admit, Black Cat is a formidable ally… as long as she remains on your side.

Still, I prefer to let Gwen say the dreaded words.

“Okay. We’re in this together.”

My partner then grabs a pair of suit trousers, and starts putting them on, showing the matter is settled. I follow her lead, putting on the button-up shirt, but I keep the Cube in my hand.

Felicia watches as we slip into the clothes of Kingpin’s bodyguards, with a small amused grin on her lips because I’m having trouble doing it with one hand. I wish I could punch her…

Once we’re disguised as fedora-wearing minions, Gwen tells our new partner: “You’ll take the lead. Nobody will question Madame Masque leading a search.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t.” Felicia retorts. “My cover’s been blown.”

She doesn’t even have the decency to sound sheepish.

“Now I see why you want to join forces with us! You except us to bail you out!” I fume.

Felicia puts a hand on her chest. “Such insinuations… You’re breaking my heart...”

I clench a threatening fist. “Trust me, I’d break a lot more body parts right now if I didn’t have good self-control.”

Gwen walks in-between us. “That’s it. Since none of you can behave like reasonable adults, I’ll be the one in charge. Got it?”

For the first time since the night began, she’s sounding angry. Ghost Spider is your friendly neighborhood spider-woman, but you don’t want to get on her bad side. Felicia and I nod obediently.

“Got it.” we say together.

The blonde glances around her, quickly coming up with a plan. “Felicia. Put on my hazmat suit. AIM agents don’t leave the underground area, but it’ll buy us some time.”

When I see Black Cat’s nonchalant grin turn into a faint grimace of disgust, I resist the urge to smile. It’s clear Felicia hates the tacky hazmat suits as much as me.

Serves her right!

However, as she’s grabbing Gwen’s discarded AIM hazmat suit, we suddenly hear people opening the door.

Crap! We weren’t discreet enough!

“What’s going on? We heard some noise!”

A pair of women enter. One is a short redhead with a tanned skin. (Must spend a lot of dirty money in sunbathing tables.) Her haircut is a high bun. The other is a tall brunette with a dark skin. Her coarse hair are braided into multiple small braids.

They’re wearing bodyguard outfits: shiny black shoes, jet black trousers, a matching bodyguard jacket, and a crisp white shirt. A holster with a gun is strapped onto their belt, and there is an earpiece in their right ear. And, of course, they have the inimitable tinted glasses. Completely unpractical inside a building at night. Totally indispensable to look stylishly intimidating.

Compared to most of the other crooks in the building, these two henchwomen look almost out of place with their mundane clothes.

The short redhead points at Felicia. “There she is!”

Looks like word Masque was an impostor spread fast...

I’m the first one to react. Thank God I used to be a method actress! I play the part of the zealous henchwoman eager to have a pay raise. Right now, the role of my life.

As in, the role to save my life.

“Quick, help me! I’ve caught the impostor!” I grab Felicia’s arm, and twist it behind her back.

For once, I’m glad Black Cat is a consummate liar. She immediately understands my plan, and plays along. “Let me go!” She pretends to struggle, quite convincingly in fact.

The two bodyguards share a smile. “Good work. Boss will be glad. He’s itching to make the snoops who ridiculed his daughter pay…”

So they work for Tombstone.

“You’re right.” I dope-slap Felicia. “She’s gonna pay for all she did!”

The latter growls, and angrily glances behind her. “Don’t push your luck…” she whispers.

I do a decent imitation of her cat-like grin. You wish, girl! A second dope-slap follows suit. (To maintain my cover, of course. Not because I enjoy it, I swear!)

“Come help me restrain her. Boss wants her alive. But I suppose he won’t mind if we break a kneecap or two.”

Tombstone’s henchwomen share a wicked chuckle, and enter the room. Like many evil minions, they relish the opportunity to bully a prisoner. They’re also dumb enough to not pinpoint the holes in my story.

They don’t notice Gwen moving in their back, and discreetly using her webs to close the door.

The short redhead takes off her sunglasses to act cool, revealing some of deepest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Her partner follows her lead. Her eyes are dark brown.

Silly henchgirls... It only works if you say a one-liner… And you have to put the sunglasses ON. Have you never watched Horatio Caine?

The tall brunette bends forward to move her face in front of Felicia’s. “You’re gonna regret you were born.”

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. So lame… And she looks even proud of herself. As if she had used the pinnacle of threats right now. Did we come across the evil trainees of the group?

Black Cat blinks. “Is that it?”

The henchgirl frowns. “What?”

“Don’t you have any better villain line? That one was so generic, it hurts.”

“Why you- You think you’re in position to play the wise girl?!”

“No. I’m just creating a distraction.”

“A what?”

Gwen dispatches the short redhead with one swift neck chop.

At the same time, Felicia knees the tall brunette in the stomach.

The bodyguard gasps, and bends forward.

I put her out of commission with a neck chop of my own.

The two women collapse onto the floor at the same time, with dull thuds.

Well. That was easy.

Gwen grabs the short redhead to drag her behind the desk. I do the same with the brunette.

“Since we have these two at hand, I propose I take one of their outfits.” Felicia intervenes.

“No way! We don’t have time!” I object. (I confess it’s more because I want Felicia to put on the ugly outfit.)

“AIM agents aren’t supposed to leave the lab.” Black Cat objects. “But people won’t question the bodyguards being outside.”

Gwen settles the debate. “Felicia’s right.”

I refrain a curse. I can’t believe that woman’s luck! Though at least now I know first-hand where the rumors about her luck powers come from...

Felicia divests the tall brown-haired bodyguard of her outfit, leaving her clad in striped yellow-and-green high socks, a t-shirt bra with the colors of the Brazilian flag, and multicolored Brazilian panties.

At the same time, Gwen is busy webbing the short redhead. Once she’s done, the woman is mummified from mouth to toes with white web – like one big fly.

Ghost-Spider then binds the tall brown-haired bodyguard the same way.

“Those webs really come in handy. I should do like you, and bring a Spider-Person with me more often!” Felicia says to me while slipping into her disguise.

I ignore her, and hide the two bodyguards under the desk, alongside with Kingpin’s henchwomen. The place is now kinda cramped. The unlucky women are left in a small pile, their bodies pressed against each other. They’re in for a rough embarrassing awakening, especially Tombstone’s red-haired minion, whose face is resting in-between the breasts of Kingpin’s black-haired henchwoman.

Sucks to be them…

I also hide the hazmat suit with the pile of women, then I leave them be.

Felicia has finished getting dressed. She glances at the desk hiding the pile of henchwomen, and grabs the sunglasses. “Hopefully, now, our problems…” She puts on the sunglasses. “… will stop piling up.”

“Lame.”

“Those are hard to come up on the spot, and it’s been a long night. Give me a break.”

Gwen walks in-between us. “Stop fighting, you two. We’re not out of the woods yet.”

I pat the Cube, safely in one pocket of my outfit.

“Yes, ma’am.”

**************

In the underground lair, bodyguards are searching every room. They make me think of a swarm of hornets, furious after someone kicked their nest.

However, we have one advantage over them. They are part of various rival factions, and are only cooperating due to a temporary alliance between their bosses. They aren’t used to work together, and don’t coordinate their actions. In spite of their sheer number, it’s possible to slip through their fingers.

And we do just that. We keep our distance, and out outfits do the rest. We manage to not get outed as impostors.

Ironically, each side has apparently agreed the files room is off limits. They must all think Iron Maiden is holed up inside, with the precious Cube. The two bodyguards’ irruption was a stroke of bad luck – or good luck, depending on your point of view.

I keep telling myself it’s only a coincidence. Felicia doesn’t have super-luck powers. It’s only a coincidence...

**************

When we exit the underground secret lair (by using the stairs per Gwen’s request), we discover the lounge area is also all topsy-turvy. Everyone is running right and left.

“I bet they’re looking for us.” I comment.

Felicia glances at me. “Great deduction, Sherlock. And here I was thinking White Rabbit was hosting an Easter Egg hunt.”

Gwen catches my wrist before I can flatten her face under my fist.

We navigate through the lounge area. Nobody pays any attention to us.

From the glimpses of conversations we manage to hear, Kingpin has promised a huge reward to anyone who captures the intruders. That would explain their enthusiasm.

Tombstone and a squad of bodyguards are stationed in front of the main entrance, ready to ‘machine-gun’ any threat to death. Scorpia and Trapstr are with him– apparently he has hired them on the spot. The former looks like she’s itching to sting good girls with her tail, the latter has deployed a nasty-looking drone equipped with four guns – and the machine looks quick enough to have a chance to hit a spider-powered person.

Beetle is standing with them, a blanket wrapped around her body to prevent male crooks from ogling her scantily clad body. Janice doesn’t seem very happy with her father, who’s being in full ‘helicopter parent mode’. She’s a grown supervillaines now after all! However, since she only has a blanket to protect her modesty, she can’t do much about it for now.

Needless to say, even with Ghost Spider, there’s no way we can leave the building through the front door.

“The back door…” Gwen whispers.

I like to tease her about being a Miss Perfect, but tonight her perfectionism saved our butts.

**************

The area surrounding the warehouse is becoming more and more crowded each passing minute. Masked villains are exiting the warehouse to help Lorina’s Wonderland Gang comb the area.

White Rabbit herself is ordering her goons around. Too angry (or too nuts) to bother with the fact she’s still clad in her skimpy skivvies. I suppose, since she likes the whole playgirl bunny outfit, showing skin doesn’t bother her much.

In a corner, a trio of women dressed as playing cards are protectively standing guard near a group of half-naked women trying to cover themselves with blankets. I recognize Patricia and Alice. There’s also a young woman with tan skin and chin-length dark brown hair whom I don’t know. (Though I suspect Felicia was involved.) When Big Wheel gets too close, ‘Ace’, ‘Queen’, and ‘Ten’ remove the safety catch of their machine guns. The guy wisely withdraws. After the disastrous encounter between my leg and his Little Wheels, I thought his libido would be on hold for the remainder of the night…

Memo to myself. Kick him harder in the crotch next time.

I even spot the Red Queen and White Queen Gwen and I left webbed up right before Beetle’s arrival. Apparently, they were angry enough to jump into the fray for a second round the moment they were rescued. White Rabbit should give them a raise.

Memo to myself. Strip the henchgirls even if we don’t need their clothes next time.

“I don’t think they’ll stop chasing us even if we leave the compound.” I remark when I see everyone’s enthusiasm.

However, as always, Gwen has already thought of a contingency plan.

“Maybe I could swing with my webs, to make them chase me, and lure them away. There are no heavy hitters. I’m fast enough to lose them.” she proposes. “But I need a mask to hide my face first.”

“And then we could take refuge in one of my hideouts, the time for the heat to die down.” Felicia adds.

“You’d show us the location of one of your hideouts?” I skeptically retort.

“Weren’t you complaining earlier I joined you just to have you bail me out? Now you’re complaining because I try to contribute.”

“I’m complaining because I didn’t forget you’re a-”

“MJ. Cut it out.” Gwen interrupts me with a sigh. “It’s not the time. We’re in this together, and you can’t-”

Felicia suddenly motions us to stop talking. She puts a finger on her stolen earpiece. Whatever she hears, it makes her frown.

Bad news.

“Tombstone’s instructing all his guards to return inside. They’ve found the little pile of goonettes we’ve left in the files room. They know we’re dressed as bodyguards. All the security details are summoned in the underground level. Masked villains take over the chase. They must capture all bodyguards found lingering outside the lair.”

I grimace. “Shit! More complications.”

Felicia shrugs. She looks annoyed, but not frightened. “Nothing we can’t overcome. Don’t tell me you’re afraid of the C-grade losers searching for us. In fact, most are more an opportunity than a threat, if you ask me.”

“And I could use one’s mask to conceal my face, and to lure everyone into a wild goose chase.” Gwen adds. “We’ll kill two birds with one stone.”

“Oh… Oh… Speaking of birds…”

Felicia points at a figure flying in the sky.

We hide under the cover of an alleyway before she can see us.

**************

The airborne villainess lands on a roof nearby. She’s wearing a night blue full-covering bodysuit reinforced with metal parts, as well as matching night blue boots and gloves. There are blue wings under the arms of her costume.

Her face is concealed under a blue mask, which also covers her hair with something designed to look like feathers.

Still, the costume is enough to recognize her. She’s Heather O’Gara, better known as Blackbird – or Jackdraw depending on who you ask.

She grabs a cellphone, and calls an accomplice.

“Still nothing. But it’s only a matter of time. Finding them will be a piece of cake from the sky. Beetle’s still with her dad?” (She gets an answer.) “He refuses to let her leave the warehouse? Sucks to be her! I’m not complaining. Less competition. He even hired Trapstr to stay inside, so no drones either… The reward is as good as mine!” (Angry sounds come from her phone.) “Sorry. I meant ‘ours’.”

Blackbird hangs up.

“But I truly meant ‘mine’…” she snickers to herself.

The airborne villainess spreads her wings, and takes flight.

Now, the three of us aren’t the kind of women who waste an opportunity when it’s being literally gift-wrapped to us.

Gwen shoots a web, and catches Blackbird’s leg.

The airborne villainess is stopped in the middle of her flight.

“Wha-”

Gwen pulls her into the black alleyway.

Felicia pounces on her.

“Oooooof!”

A brief one-sided scuffle follows suit. A few punches and grunts later, Blackbird takes a nap, and we swiftly divest her of her costume.

“Fitting. Black BIRD was defeated by Black CAT.” Felicia comments.

“And Ghost Spider.” I object.

“But the pun wouldn’t work.”

“What about the goliath bird-eating spider?”

“Actually, that’s a misconception. They rarely prey on birds, in spite of their names.” Gwen intervenes.

“Excuse me, I’m trying to have the last word here!” I complain.

The Blackbird suit’s removal reveals a rather plain looking white-skinned black-haired blue-eyed woman, with short neck-long hair. Perhaps fitter than average, but not the kind of person who’d elicit a second glance in the streets.

I think most masked villains wear outrageous costumes because they’re insecure about their plain real appearance. Trust me, I know a lot about insecurities…

Err. Forget about that last part.

Heather’s undergarments are more noteworthy, but that’s maybe not a good thing. Her white socks, white t-shirt bra, and white briefs with black waiststrap all have a pattern of hummingbirds of various colors.

Isn’t it a bit too much? I can understand someone having a shtick, but at this point it’s more an obsession.

There are a few empty trash cans nearby. We use Gwen’s web to ball-tie Blackbird with her thighs pressed against her chest and her arms tied behind her back, then to wrap-gag and blindfold her. Felicia and I dump her inside one trash can.

When Gwen grabs the Blackbird costume to change clothes, we give her some privacy, and walk at the edge of the alleyway to watch the surroundings.

Waiting alongside with Felicia quickly feels a bit awkward. We’re not exactly best buddies.

I attempt some small talk.

“So… How many women did you mug tonight?”

“Why do you want to know?”

Guess small talk is not my forte…

“Just trying to have a conversation.”

“You want to know if you mugged more people than me, right?”

“Of course not!” (Felicia is not the only one who can lie.)

Ultimately, Black Cat can’t resist playing along. I’m sure she’s hoping she can show me off. “The boring bodyguard, Masque, the nerdy scientist, the evil caterer, Coachwhip, Cheshire Cat, and Timber. That makes 7.”

I mentally count. Kingpin’s bodyguard, Iron Maiden, the technician, the M&M, White Rabbit, ‘Alice’, and Screwball.

“Ah! I also got 7! But that’s only counting the ones of whom I took the clothes!”

Felicia sighs. However, something suddenly catches her attention before she can retort.

“Well, well, well… Would you look at that…”

She points with her chin at a lone female figure who’s approaching our hiding place.

The masked villainess wears a costume that’s pretty high on the ‘Tacky Scale’ – at least a solid 8.5 out of 10. She’s clad in black long boots, light green tights, a dark green thigh-long tunic with long sleeves, and light green gloves. A blue belt with metal beads is wrapped around her waist. A light purple hood covers her head. I can only see her blue eyes. Said hood also has stitched to it a cape that covers the back. The two guns strapped onto her belt at least prevent her from looking like a total joke.

It takes me quite some time to put a name on that fashion disaster.

Asbestos Lady. Or Victoria Murdock, if you want to use her real name, but who even cares?

You don’t know her? Don’t feel bad. Even among C-list villains, she’s the bottom of the barrel. Embarrassing villains are embarrassed when she’s around, if you catch my drift. At least Big Wheel or Walrus didn’t choose an outfit that actively harms its wearer. Because yes, since she swore revenge on the Human Torch, Victoria Murdock thought it was a bright idea to make her costume out of asbestos – an infamous fireproofing material. You know, ‘infamous’ as in ‘being outlawed in many parts of the world because the fibers can lead to lung failure and cancer’. Of course, she eventually caught on that wearing carcinogenic clothes wasn’t the best idea, and ditched the asbestos. But at that point, it was too late. The nickname had caught on.

Better late than never I suppose… I’m sure there is at least one universe in which she died from mesothelioma. At least, this one managed to save her life, though she failed to save her reputation.

Just how desperate can one be to keep being a villainess whom nobody takes seriously, wearing a costume everybody mocks, and using a nickname everybody ridicules? At this point, it’s not even funny. Just kinda sad.

Asbestos Lady is getting angry at her cellphone.

“Blackbird? BLACKBIRD?! Answer me, damn it! I saw you fly this way! I may have a lead! I need aerial support!”

The hooded villainess is nearing our position.

“So SHE was the partner?” Felicia whispers. “No wonder Blackbird wanted to double-cross her. Who would take seriously a moron wearing a costume more dangerous to herself than to her foes?”

“I heard she wised up. It doesn’t contain asbestos anymore.”

Felicia grins. “Wonderful news!” Without adding a word, she leaves me standing there.

“Hey! Where are you going?!” I whisper.

In hindsight, my question was especially dumb...

Black Cat’s nickname is well-earned. She’s as agile and discreet as her namesake, especially during the night, as much as I hate to admit it.

Asbestos Lady doesn’t see the threat. She’s too busy yelling at her phone. (Poor device… It’s not its fault...)

“You better answer me, or you’re in big trouble! I’ll-” (neckchop) (THUNK!) “- urf!”

Felicia catches the villainess under the arms mid-fall, and drags her out of sight in the alleyway.

“And one convenient disguise for me, one…” she comments as she passes next to me.

“We’re not at the market.”

“Aren’t we? Miss ‘I-mugged-more-people-than-you’…”

Felicia removes Asbestos Lady’s hood, revealing the face of a rather pretty woman with a white skin and luscious mid-back-long light blond hair.

“You’re going to help me?”

“Why? You’re the one at the market.” I retort.

“If we’re fast enough, we can bind her our way. Without fancy webs.”

She’s driving a hard bargain…

“Deal!”

I grab Asbestos’ boots, and slip them off. At the same time, Felicia unclips and takes off the belt, then pulls off the tunic and gloves. Finally, I slip the tights off her legs.

Asbestos Lady is actually a quite well-endowed woman. (I swear, if someone makes an Ass-bestos joke…) She’s wearing a sexy lingerie highlighting her figure: a sultry red push-up bra with pink lace and a black bow between the cups, and matching scarlet red high-cut French panties with pink lace and a black bow. (Though she’s most likely gonna regret her choice when she wakes up. Masked baddies should really be more cautious, and always wear conservative undergarments when there’s a risk good girls may want to sneak in the place.)

Felicia removes her bodyguard outfit, and I cut it into strips while she puts on the asbestos-free Asbestos Lady costume. I use my makeshift ropes to bind the real Victoria’s wrists and ankles, then I shove her socks into her mouth and use a few more strips to cleave-gag her.

Shortly after Felicia finished dressing herself, we hear voice behind us.

“I’m done! Sorry for the wait. The wings were a bit complicated to put on.”

It’s Gwen. (Bird-Spider?) She regroups with us.

When she sees the half-naked Asbestos Lady and Felicia wearing her garb, she freezes, does a double take, notices we already restrained the villainess, then shakes her head. “You two can be so childish sometimes...”

We leave the scantily-clad baddie concealed in the alleyway, inside a trash can next to Blackbird.

Felicia adjusts her freshly stolen hood. “Ready to leave!”

“What about me?” I object.

Felicia eyes me from head to toe. “We could pretend you’re my prisoner…”

I don’t like the tone of her voice. It’s clear she wants some payback, for the time I pretended to capture her.

“Not a good idea. You’d attract too much attention.”

Thank you, Gwen!

The chase is still on...

**************

At first, I feared we may not have the time to find a third set of disguise before Blackbird or her partner were found.

Luckily for me, as often, the personal flaws of our foes made our work easier.

Most of the gathered masked villains aren’t team players. Sure, some of them are friends, and most are willing to form alliances of circumstances. However, each is hoping to get the lion’s share of the reward. Several small groups have been formed, but each is working separately to not have to share the money with everyone. Therefore, just like with the bodyguards inside the lair, the sheer number of our pursuers becomes meaningless – more a hindrance than an asset.

Something unexpected even facilitates our search for a third disguise:

One long litany of insults, threats, and profanities that we hear from a distance.

When we discreetly get closer, we’re greeted by a peculiar sight.

The first woman is a minor member of the Serpent Society. I recognize her by the ugly bright yellow and purple full-bodysuit and cowl she’s wearing. Said cowl covers the top half of her face, though it doesn’t hide her black hair tied into a bushy ponytail. Her skin is light and her eyes are brown.

Fer-de-Lance. Real name, Teresa Vasquez. Why did a Latina woman living in the United States choose a French alias? Your guess is as good as mine! (And I’m gonna stop all the wise guys in their tracks. Yes. I know it’s a snake’s name. Still doesn’t explain why she chose the French translation.)

Vasquez is a moderately dangerous foe – she uses retractable blades on her gloves and boots. But I’m feeling in luck tonight. (Also, Gwen eats punks like her for breakfast.)

The second woman is also a member of the Serpent Society. It’s Coachwhip. I confess if it weren’t for her distinctive silver hair, I wouldn’t have recognized her. Indeed, Coachwhip is currently only wearing a slim golden-yellow bralette and a matching G-string. Which one is more degrading between her skivvies and her villainess leotard? Once again, your guess is as good as mine.

I hear Felicia chuckle discreetly. No need to be a genius to understand why Coachwhip is half-naked…

Said half-naked baddie is currently busy ranting. “I’ll find her! I’ll find that bitch, and then I’ll kill her!”

“Calm down! First, we need to get you some clothes.”

Fer-de-Lance notices us. (I wisely step behind Gwen and Felicia.) The snake-themed villainess mistakes us for fellow bad girls.

“Hey, you! Don’t stand there gawking! Give me a hand! I need a fresh set of clothes!”

“What a coincidence. So do we.” Felicia retorts.

Coachwhip’s eyes widen. “Y- You?! It’s you!!!”

Gwen takes action before Fer-de-Lance can fully understand the situation. She leaps forward, using her enhanced agility and strength, and lands in front of the yellow-and-purple-wearing bad girl. She punches Fer-de-Lance in the stomach before the villainess thinks of deploying her blades. Then a neckchop puts her out of commission.

Coachwhip barely registers her teammate’s fate. She’s blinded by rage, and too busy charging Felicia, intending to strangle her with her bare hands.

Black Cat side-steps her, and uses a judo hold to make Coachwhip fall onto the ground. A punch to the temple then puts the woman out of commission.

“Sorry about that. It seems it’s not your lucky night… Should have known better than to cross path with a black cat...” Felicia comments.

I ignore her quip, and glance at the unconscious Fer-de-Lance who’s lying spread-eagle on the ground.

“Isn’t she supposed to have had her musculature chemically enhanced?”

Gwen shrugs.“She reportedly possesses superior prowess, but her actual track record is quite lackluster. I bet it’s all hot air.”

“Should have called herself Paper Tiger.” Felicia intervenes. “Anyway. You have your disguise now.”

I glance at the garish yellow-and-purple abomination.

“In hindsight, playing the part of the prisoner doesn’t sound so bad…”

“Too bad. Now, dress yourself.”

“The hair won’t match.”

“Not a problem.” Felicia throws me the black wig she used to impersonate Madame Masque.

I catch the thing. It’s all ruffled. “Where did you hide it all this tim-?”

“Finish the question only if you truly want to know the answer.”

I choose to not ask. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss...

**************

Fer-de-Lance’s underwear match her costume. A loud chick yellow triangle bra, and garish bright purple cheeky panties. I roll my eyes. What else could I expect from a woman willing to wear an outfit even blind people would call ugly…

Beggars can’t be choosers however. With the costume, cowl, and wig, I can easily conceal my true identity.

When the time comes to hide the Cube however, I realize there are no pockets in my outfit. Stupid unpractical villain costumes!

“I can strap it onto my belt.” Felicia proposes.

“Yeah… In your dreams…”

I’m not fooled by her innocent-looking expression. Still, what other choice do I have?

I grimace. Then, resigned to my fate and with a shudder of disgust, I hide the Cube in my cleavage and zip the costume over it.

It hurts a lot by the say...

We leave Fer-de-Lance and Coachwhip inside an empty dumpster. Gwen has webbed them together. They’re mummified from shoulders to feet facing each other, their foreheads resting against one another, with web gagging them as well.

Felicia closes the lid.

Then we share a glance. It’s time to put our plan into motion.

**************

“I’ll catch up with you in the hideout.”

Gwen stretches to ready herself for the chase.

“Be careful.”

I bite my lower lip. I didn’t want to say the words, but they’ve escaped my mouth. Gwen’s my friend after all, no matter how complicated our relationship can be.

I can feel Black Cat’s gaze in my back. I can even picture her small amused smile.

Gwen gives me the thumb up. “I’ll be safe. Don’t worry for me. Worry about yourself first and foremost. You’re not out of the woods yet.”

Yeah… Alone with Black Cat and the Cube… Her advice is truer than she think.

I blink. The Cube! Can’t give Felicia the opportunity to steal it!

Suddenly, on the spot, I have an idea. I move forward, and take one of Gwen’s hands.

“I’m serious. Don’t you dare die on me.”

Since I’m voicing my real emotions, it’s easy to sound natural to trick Felicia into thinking I’m being spontaneous. My back is blocking Black Cat’s sight. She can’t see my hands…

“I mean it. For real. I know I can be hard to work with, but you’re my friend.”

… I’m speaking loud enough to cover the sound of the zip when I slightly open my cleavage…

“So I say it again. Be careful.”

… and I discreetly give Gwen the Cube before zipping back the suit.

My blond friend doesn’t show any emotion that could betray us.she nods.

“Meet you at the hideout.”

My back is still blocking Felicia’s view when she jumps, and uses a web to reach the nearest roof. Hopefully, Black Cat hasn’t seen she was holding the Cube.

“So. We’re done with the sappy stuff?” Felicia jokes.

Laugh all you want… For once, I’m the one who’ll have the last laugh...

From her roof, Gwen quickly spots a group of four bad guys.

Melter and Steeplejack. They’ve invited Shocker to join their team. I’m surprised to see Walrus with them. Maybe they took pity on him.

“Hey, losers! Over here!” Gwen calls them.

“What did you say?”

“I called you losers. You’re such losers, it’s boring. I evade you so easily, I thought I’d give you a fair chance. Because you’re losers.”

(I gotta admit… Peter is a lot better at mockeries than ‘Miss Perfect’ Gwen… She’s more the ‘Head of the Class’-kinda girl, if you catch my drift.)

However, when she shoots web at Melter’s face, she immediately catches their attention.

“It’s a new Spider Freak!” Shocker exclaims.

“Yeah! Something like the Goliath Birdeater!” Walrus adds.

I take solace in the fact I’m not the only one who doesn’t know anything about spiders’ habits...

Even from a distance, I can perfectly picture Gwen’s exasperated look.

“It’s Ghost Spider, you bozos! I stole Blackbird’s outfit and left her in a trash can!”

There are four “Oh!” of understanding.

Then, Walrus (who’s ironically being the quickest of the bunch right now) screams: “After her!”

Gwen jumps from the warehouse, and into the night.

“It’s our cue.” Felicia whispers.

While everyone’s attention is focused on Gwen, we run in the opposite direction.

**************

Word that Ghost Spider is here spread fast. Soon, all the masked villains are making a beeline to where she fled. Nobody pays us any attention. They don’t want to associate with us. (Thank you, Asbestos Lady. Your ridiculousness saved us tonight.)

We reach the outskirts of the warehouse complex almost too easily. (Not complaining here. Easy win is still win.)

Still, something starts bothering me.

“Felicia. I’ve been thinking.”

“A dangerous pastime…”

“Stay focused! I’m serious!” I snap. “I know this is New York, but still... We can’t exactly roam the streets dressed as supervillainesses. Somebody will call the cops. I don’t want to escape the bad guys just to be chased by the police.”

Felicia taps her chin. “You have a point. We could-”


“I also don’t want to mug a bystander. Or a policewoman.”

“Fine. Boring way it is.” She claps her hands. “Okay. Let’s do our shopping before we leave the compound.”

“We’re not at the market!”

“Aren’t we? Miss-”

“We’re not having that conversation again!”

There are no masked villains anymore – but that’s not a problem. Felicia and I suspect the sentries guarding the accesses to the compound have been ordered to stay at their post. And said sentries can only be part of the Wonderland Gang. Hopefully, they’re wearing relatively mundane clothes – at least mundane enough for New Yorkers.

We quickly explore the outskirts of the area. Near the warehouse at the edge of the complex, we pause.

I think I may have found an opportunity...

The women are part of White Rabbit’s gang.

The first henchwoman is wearing a Carpenter outfit: light brown work boots, white dungarees, a light-blue short-sleeved t-shirt, a belt with carpenter tools tied around the waist, a light blue cap, and a mask showing a copyright-friendly version of the Disney character. The second one is clad in a Walrus costume (poor her): a green vest, a blue bowtie, a navy coat and top hat, dark grey pants, brown shoes, and the ugliest walrus mask I’ve ever seen.

The two minions are currently having a conversation.

“You sure about that?” ‘Walrus' asks.

“If they think I’m gonna chase after Ghost Spider, they can kiss my ass!” ‘Carpenter’ retorts. “Last time I fought her, I was left dangling from a street lamp for hours.”

Well, apparently even the sentries have been ordered to chase after Gwen… Luckily for us, some are smart enough to know it’s a bad idea to try and fight Ghost Spider.

Too bad it means coming across us. Talk about being too clever by half...

‘Carpenter’ points at the nearby warehouse. “Let’s pretend we’re searching this place. It looks safe enough.”

The two women enter the building.

Great. A duo of lazy fare dodgers.

Still, they’re our ticket to flee the place. Their costumes are close to Felicia’s and my sizes. The clothes themselves are tacky, but still less outrageous than a supervillainess outfit. Nothing that screams: ‘I’m up to no good.’ (Just: ‘I don’t have any fashion sense.’) Sure, the masks are a giveaway we’re criminals, but we can ditch them.

I’m starting to come up with a plan. It’s time to take the lead, and show Black Cat I’m the best uniform thief out there!

My thought process is interrupted when Felicia grabs my shoulder. “Looks like we have our tickets to flee the area.” she whispers. “Let’s mug these two morons. We use the masks until we’ve left the compound, then we ditch them and keep the costumes.”

I glare at her. “What?”

She stole my plan!

Black Cat smiles. “As if you weren’t going to propose the exact same thing.”

I was. But there’s no way I’ll admit it. “Of course not!” I retort in completely bad faith.

Felicia’s cat-like grin widens. She’s not fooled. “Of course...”

Felicia and I wait a few minutes. Then, we discreetly enter the building after them.

The two henchwomen are standing at the opposite side of the warehouse. They’re busy removing their masks to get a breath of fresh air.

We take advantage of their distraction to duck behind a bunch of empty crates.

“I don’t know why boss insists we wear these stupid masks! It’s so hot under them! Plus, they stink of plastic!” ‘Walrus’ complains.

“At least she was punished for it. Did you hear what underwear she was wearing when they found her?”

“Yeah! Pictures are already leaking online! Serves her right!”

The women wipe the sweat off their foreheads. ‘Carpenter’ has a white skin, blue eyes, and light brown hair tied up into a short bushy ponytail. There are freckles on her cheeks. ‘Walrus’ is a woman with Asian physical features. Her hair are black and tied up into a tight neck bun. Her eyes are dark brown.

“I’m tired of playing bozo for White Rabbit.” ‘Carpenter’ groans. “I’m a mason by trade!”

“Gotta love boss’ sense of humor sometimes.” ‘Walrus’ intervenes with a snort.

Her partner ignores her. “Maybe I should strike out on my own…”

“Riiiight… You’re gonna lead your own crew...” the other woman mockingly comments.

“It could work! If there’s a catering company specialized in serving criminals, why not a building company? Evil lairs and death traps don’t build themselves!”

The Asian henchwoman rolls her eyes, and grabs her cellphone. “You’re daydreaming, Jenna.”

“I’m sure there’s a market for that.”

We approach the henchwomen under the cover of the crates.

The Asian goonette has apparently decided she’s had enough of the fruitless debate. She’s checking her phone for messages.

Jenna, however, is still ranting.

“You’ll see! One day, you’ll hear of an other player in the market! And she’ll be known as the dreaded ‘Carpenter.’ Or my name isn’t Jenna Du-yeeeep?!” I interrupt the deluded woman’s monologue when I grab her by the collar, and pull her behind the crates.

The black-haired henchwoman raises an eyebrow, her attention still fixated on her phone. “Duyeeeep? What kind of last name is that? You sure-yeeeep?!” Felicia also pulls her behind the crates.

We subdue the two women with ease, and almost with no fuss. Save for a few grunts and moans during the scuffle.

Felicia chuckles. “I always love when they do their little yelps. They sound so funny, almost kind of cute.”

“Yeah right.” I roll my eyes. At the same time, I’m dragging the unconscious Jenna out of sight by the under-shoulders. “You take the Walrus suit by the way.” I add, content with having a little revenge.

Felica grabs the unconscious black-haired woman’s ankles, and starts dragging her. “One thing is sure, I prefer to mug these Walrus and Carpenter rather than Hubert Carpenter…” she jokes, mentioning the Walrus’ real identity.

I shudder at the mental picture of us stripping the man in his tacky Walrus suit – complete with the rainbow-colored W logo on the chest. “I didn’t need that image in my mind!”

Felicia chuckles. At the same time, she drops the black-haired henchwoman onto the floor. She unbuttons the goonette’s green vest.

I start stripping Jenna. I begin by taking off the boots. Then I unclip the tool belt, slip off the dungarees, and pull off the t-shirt.

Jenna is left clad in striped white-and-black socks, a light pink t-shirt bra with a pattern of flowers, and vertically striped green-and-white boxer undershorts.

Next to me, Felicia is also done divesting the other minion. The black-haired henchwoman’s undergarments are hot pink socks, a magenta lacy demi-bra, and a deep purple thong.

We find spare cables, a couple of coils of strings, and unused rolls of tape on a shelf.

“Kingpin should have considered the downsides of using an old warehouse complex for his shady transactions.” Felicia comments.

We bind Jenna and her teammate together, back-to-back with strings and cables wrapped around their waists, and their wrists tied in front of the other’s stomach. We bind their ankles separately, and their calves together. We use the tape to silence them, wrapping a few layers around the lower face.

Finally, we conceal the duo by dropping them inside one crate, and putting the lid on.

Next, we put on the outfits and the masks, and exit the warehouse.

[rufusluciusivan]

Be careful! This is the second part of the chapter. Make sure to read the previous one first.






































**************

Sometimes, I just love New York. A city where you can walk dressed in tacky clothes, and yet nobody bats an eye.

As soon as we’re at a safe distance from the warehouse complex, we throw the ugly masks into the first garbage can we come across.

Even in the middle of the night, New York is busy. However, nobody pays more than a passing glance at us. A couple of women wearing dumb clothes… New Yorkers have seen much MUCH weirder things.

I let Felicia lead the way to her hideout, careful to never turn my back on her. I know I’m not out of the woods yet. Kingpin may have sent hitmen to blend in the crowd. I wouldn’t mind waiting a few hours in a safe place.

However, I also know better than to blindly trust Black Cat. Now that we don’t have to escape a common threat anymore, I suspect she’ll quickly fall back into her old habits.

Larceny and backstabbing.

Unbeknownst to her however, I’m coming up with a plan. I’m convinced Felicia will try to betray me once we are in her hideout.

What she doesn’t know is that I intend to betray her first…

**************

“Welcome in my humble abode! Mi casa es tu casa! Make yourself comfortable!”

The place looks even seedier than my cheap apartment, and that’s saying a lot. Though I guess Felicia doesn’t use it as a main residence either.

Black Cat walks across the room.

“If you don’t mind, I’m grabbing myself a drink.”

I’m immediately suspicious. She sounds just a little too cheerful...

Felicia bends forward to take something in a small drink cupboard. She’s turning her back on me.

This is it! This is my moment! She’s practically begging me to knock her out with a neckchop!

I seize the opportunity.

I’m gonna prove who’s the best infiltrator once and for all.

I charge at her...

… and of course I have to walk on an old floorboard that makes a long creaking.

Felicia turns, catching me in the act mid-lunge.

I can’t believe her luck!

The silver-blond-haired woman smiles patronizingly. She’s not mad I attempted to betray her. Quite the contrary, she looks amused… and even a bit proud.

“Trying to backstab me? Not very heroic…”

I shrug. “Eh. Only victory matters.” I notice the coil of rope she’s holding. It was hidden in the drink cupboard, and I don’t need to be a genius to guess why she took it when she pretended to fetch herself a drink. “Plus, I’m not the only backstabber here.”

It’s her turn to shrug. “Fair enough.”

We share a glance, and a fake friendly smile.

Then we lunge at each other.

I wish I could say the ensuing fight is a cool badass display of choreographed moves. But then I’d be lying. In truth, the melee is chaotic and unmethodical.

Don’t judge me! Felicia and I are similar when it comes to strength and build, but she’s more agile than me. I know my best chance is to be as brutal and unrefined as I can. So I play dirty, and turn the battle into a playground fight.

First thing I do, I jump at Felicia like some brutish ox, and we both roll onto the floor like two valley girls having a cat fight. (Sorry…)

To be honest, had it been a real fight to the death, Felicia would probably have deployed claw-like devices on her fingers (she usually has some gadgets no matter what her disguise is), and she would’ve attempted to gauge my eyes. She doesn’t want to truly harm me, so she’s not giving her all.

Now, I have absolutely no scruples about taking advantage of her scruples. (Sorry for the repetition. It’s hard to fight and narrate at the same time.) As I said, I play dirty tonight. Besides, I don’t want to truly harm her either. (Okay, maybe a few punches, but that doesn’t count, right?)

I smile savagely when I manage to get the upper-hand, and the top position. Sometimes, it pays to be dense and brutish!

However, my mistake is to forget Felicia too can fight dirty…

“You want a playground fight? You’ll get one!”

Right as I’m trying to pin Felicia onto the floor, I feel something moist enter my left hear. A finger soaked with saliva.

“Wet willy!”

I can’t help it. I swear it’s a primary reflex. I recoil and shudder.

“Ew! Moist! Have you no shame?”

I realize my mistake too late. With Black Cat, one second of inattention is one too many.

Next thin I know, I find myself unbalanced, and pinned face down onto the floor.

In record time, Felicia has grabbed my arms, and tied my wrists. Then she uses the same rope to bind my ankles, and hog-tie me at the same time.

“God dammit! Not again!” I swear.

(Long story. Don’t ask the details.)

Felicia takes a breath, and stands up, admiring her work. “Like a cowgirl in some rodeo! Yeehaw!” Her southern accent is horrible, but I guess it’s the point.

I squirm. “Cheater!”

“Who said: ‘Only victory matters.’?” Felicia retorts with the amused chuckle I particularly hate. “Now, to the victor… goes the spoils.”

She makes a show of approaching her hands near my buttocks.

“And the booty…” she jokes.

“Don’t you dare!”

“Fret not, Red. I don’t swing that way. I’m more interested in something cube-shaped, if you catch my drift.”

“You said you didn’t care for the Cube!”

“Correction. I said I didn’t care and was lying.” She begins searching me. “But don’t worry. I’m not irresponsible either. I don’t want mass hysteria to destroy New York. I’m planning to sell it to SHIELD. You know, to get a few brownie points with Nick Fury, and convince him to ask the authorities to… get off my trail for the time being.” However, as she searches me, I see her smile fade away. “Where is it by the way?”

It’s my turn to smile. “I gave it to Gwen when you weren’t watching.”

There is a blank. Felicia blinks.

“So you anticipated my betrayal, and attempted to betray me first. You even almost got me. Not bad. I didn’t think you had it in you.” (She pretends to bow.) “I tip my non-existing hat to you. Let’s call it a draw.”

Felicia stands up again, dusts herself with her hands, adjusts her clothes, and goes to the window.

My eyes widen. “You’re going to leave me like that?!”

“I’ll let Gwen find you. Or maybe I’ll text Peter. He loves to save a damsel in distress.” Felicia winks. “You can thank me later.”

I struggle. “I’ll get you next time! Next time!”

She’s already opening the window, and blows me a kiss. “Keep dreaming, Dr. Claw.”

And then she’s gone.

I struggle against the ropes.

I can’t believe it happened again…

Black Cat.

So agile…

So crafty...

So smug...

So INSUFFERABLE!

I simply...

... CAN’T STAND HER!

SHE’S DRIVING ME MAD!

“You better hurry Gwen. I don’t want Peter to see me like this.”

**************

You like epilogues?

Most people do. They wrap up the story, and allow you to say good-bye to the characters whose adventures you followed.

Personally, I’m more ambivalent. Sure, there is the satisfaction of a mission accomplished.

But epilogues are also the moment I remember all my time spent crime-fighting was a time spent NOT earning money to pay my rent.

Plus I had to waste a lot of money to buy Screwball’s overpriced stuff, to pass myself as a fan and lure her into the trap that began this story.

However, hopefully, this time things are going to be different...

Sure, I didn’t catch Black Cat, but at least I managed to outsmart her. And Gwen found me first. These are still some victories.

Kingpin’s plan failed thanks to us. Plus, since he was humiliated in front of all the other important mobsters, his reputation was severely damaged. It’ll take some time before he has once again enough cred to assemble an other legion of doom…

Though thankfully for Iron Maiden and the many goons of his we mugged, Kingpin has dropped his habit of executing any subordinate who failed him – at least when a superhero is involved. He’s realized people tend to stop working for you if they know you kill them at the first honest mistake.

Pictures of all the various bad girls we had mugged have leaked online. I suspect a few of the bad guys discreetly took them. A few cops as well, because there are also some of Screwball. (Tombstone and Beetle are each offering a huge sum of money for information. I pray they never discover my part in the events.)

At least White Rabbit won something. She’s gone from second place in the ‘Most Ridiculous Spider-Man villain’ poll to first place in the 'Sexiest Bunny Girl' poll.

And I bet some bad girls enjoy getting Internet fame, even if it’s bad publicity, like Asbestos Lady or Screwball.

Speaking of Screwball. She’s actually been arrested! In fact, she was the only criminal who was arrested that night. Everyone in the warehouse complex was rescued in time to flee. (Even Jenna and her partner, so I’m now on the lookout for the potential ascension of a new baddie called the ‘Carpenter’, as unlikely as it is.) But Screwball wasn’t locked in the warehouse complex… Unlucky her. Though she’s still live-streaming from her cell, unfortunately. One guard must be a fan. While Screwball herself is not the sharpest tool in the box, her online money allows her to hire lawyers who are, so we may not have heard the last of her...

However, most importantly, Gwen gave a good word about me to SHIELD. My role has not gone unnoticed by the organization.

Today, I’m supposed to be rewarded for my actions. Nick Fury himself is greeting me. (Well, technically he’s granting me 3 minutes of his time, but that’s still quite a lot!)

I smile. Given SHIELD’s budget, I suspect I can expect a hefty sum.

Nick Fury hands me a gun-shaped device.

My smile fades.

“Don’t worry. It’s not a firearm.” he reassures me. (He must have misinterpreted my reaction.) “It’s our brand new stun gun. A perfect tool to defend yourself.”

“I see. I thought SHIELD’s rewards were money…”

“I wouldn’t insult your integrity by offering you money as if you were a lowly bounty huntress.”

I force myself to chuckle. “Of course.”

Doesn’t he know some people can be heroes AND want money at the same time? Integrity is great. But integrity sadly doesn’t pay your rent at the end of the month…

I eye the stun gun. Still, I suppose it’s better than nothing. I’m eager to test it on some people. Felicia Hardy being at the top of my list.

Maybe next time?

**************

THE END?

[Arc]

I'll start by saying that, not having as much free time as I would like, I sadly wasn't able to comment on the previous parts of this fun little series. I'll try and give my general impression. Put it bluntly, excellent. Firstly, it's always nice when board writers work together on a story. And being a great fan of both Rufus and tirepanted it was great to see what they realised together.

The writing in general was excellent, which is a given with you two, and I personally loved the fourt-wall breaking. It really makes the story unique and, in my opinion, more enjoyable. I've always loved the light-hearted tone of your stories, and I see I wasn't disappointed in this regard.

However, not being a Marvel fan I'm afraid I wasn't able to enjoy the story at it's fullest, as if I had known the many, many villains mugged it would have probably much more special, but you still managed to make me understand more or less who was who, what they did and what were their characteristics, so that does you merit.

Of this story in particular I loved how we are shown the "results" of Felicia, Gwen and MJ's mugging spree. It's something rarely shown in USB stories, and was honestly very interesting to see. I also loved MJ and Felicia's constant bickering. The open finale is also very promising, should you continue writing this series.

In conclusion, the both of you did an excellent job, and I hope I did you justice in my few words. As I've said, it's always nice when writers work together (and your two perspectives strategy was both fascinating and well done), and I think that USB stories set in mainstream franchises (Marvel, Star Wars, Star Trek etc.), or at least in "USB-verses" of said franchises are a much too underutilised idea. So, good job, and thank you for this excellent additions to the Board!

[rufusluciusivan]

I'll start by saying that, not having as much free time as I would like, I sadly wasn't able to comment on the previous parts of this fun little series. I'll try and give my general impression. Put it bluntly, excellent. Firstly, it's always nice when board writers work together on a story. And being a great fan of both Rufus and tirepanted it was great to see what they realised together.

I understand perfectly your feeling. Time is a scarce and valuable commodity. In-between the many imperatives of my personal and professional lives, I also have trouble keeping up with other stories. Mighty kind of you to leave a general review of our little saga.

I confess even I am a bit surprised by the scope this story took - I still remember that at first it was supposed to be a single one-shot featuring Screwball, MJ, and nobody else. But the concept appealed to people more than I anticipated. And I also didn't anticipate using a pre-existing universe would be so fun to write. Then, tirepanted proposed we write a little collaborative saga, and the result is here.

I have a limited knowledge of Spider-Man comics, but the majority of the ones I read seem to favor a fun slightly sarcastic atmosphere, compared to - say - DC Batman comics. I wanted to emulate this mindset. Given the light-hearted mood I want to give to my stories in general, Spider-Man's universe seemed the perfect choice to have some fun.

However, not being a Marvel fan I'm afraid I wasn't able to enjoy the story at it's fullest, as if I had known the many, many villains mugged it would have probably much more special, but you still managed to make me understand more or less who was who, what they did and what were their characteristics, so that does you merit.

Indeed, using a preexisting universe is a double-edged sword. Those who know it will love the references, the others may have trouble getting into the story. I figured out the obscurity of some characters wouldn't be much of a problem - a quick Internet search can easily allow anyone to see their designs. The main challenge was to keep the story simple enough so that one wouldn't need to know Spider-Man's lore to understand what's going on. Therefore, a basic "villains gather together to set up a nefarious scheme"-plot.

Of this story in particular I loved how we are shown the "results" of Felicia, Gwen and MJ's mugging spree. It's something rarely shown in USB stories, and was honestly very interesting to see. I also loved MJ and Felicia's constant bickering. The open finale is also very promising, should you continue writing this series.

I liked the idea of showing the ramifications of the mugging spree - mostly because it was a good occasion to keep making jokes.

The finale was left open on purpose, to leave the door open for potential other stories. I don't want to make any promise I can't keep, so I won't say it's a 100% certitude. However, it's plausible.

In conclusion, the both of you did an excellent job, and I hope I did you justice in my few words. As I've said, it's always nice when writers work together (and your two perspectives strategy was both fascinating and well done), and I think that USB stories set in mainstream franchises (Marvel, Star Wars, Star Trek etc.), or at least in "USB-verses" of said franchises are a much too underutilised idea. So, good job, and thank you for this excellent additions to the Board!

Thanks a lot to your kind words. I recall there were ventures in mainstream franchises from time to time in stories - but usually with single one-shots. I suppose it's only natural people want to try new things with the concept of uniform stealing, given for how long stories and fanarts have been posted on this Board. A couple of years ago, it was a medieval fantasy setting (Pakal) or a comic-book inspired setting (Heartfelt City). Now, it's USB-verses of mainstream franchises, and your and stormtrooper's project of "historical uniform stealings".

[esercito sconfitto]

"the Carpenter"

I appreciated especially the pile of henchwomen !

[meditions142]

Great story. And thanks for posting. As usual one scene is always particularly fun for me. Here it is the scene with Jenna and her partner.

I love the set up that they are kind of slackers and go into the warehouse to stay clear of trouble. Of course they are walking into a trap.

Love how Jenna is going on and on and is suddenly grabbed but her partner doesn't even notice. And then is quickly grabbed herself.

I like the imagery of them dragging both unconscious women out of sight to do the stripping.

And I love Felicia's comment “I always love when they do their little yelps. They sound so funny, almost kind of cute.”

[tirepanted3]

Another fun chapter in a story I was happy to contribute to. (This may sound biased to outsiders, but I assure people that I had very little to do with the direction of this chapter. )

The main selling point here (apart from the USB scenes, which are fun as always) is the MJ/Felicia banter. As was hinted at in priori chapters, these two don't quite get along, and MJ's inferiority complex is on full display here. It's very entertaining. My favorite part is MJ trying to compete with Felicia regarding the number of women they've each mugged.

Also enjoyed MJ calling out Felicia's bad one-liners (hey, at least they weren't cat-related):

Felicia has finished getting dressed. She glances at the desk hiding the pile of henchwomen, and grabs the sunglasses. “Hopefully, now, our problems…” She puts on the sunglasses. “… will stop piling up.”

“Lame.”

“Those are hard to come up on the spot, and it’s been a long night. Give me a break.”

I was happy to provide suggestions for several of the unwilling costume donors for this chapter. Marvel doesn't have a ton of masked female villains, but there were more than enough to fill this story across multiple chapters. (Particularly in this chapter, which was higher-stakes and didn't have any civilian muggings.)

Poor Asbestos Lady - she may have changed her costume to make it less unhealthy, but that only made her more of a USB target.

We had discussed the Walrus and Carpenter scene beforehand, but it was nice seeing it fully realized in the story. And I see Esercito has caught on to the DC in-joke.

Overall, this was a fun chapter and a fun collaboration - and it may not be the end! Stay tuned...



Arc: Thanks for your comments as well. This was a very enjoyable experiment, and I like the way the multiple-perspective story paid off. I am myself quite familiar with the Marvel universe, but I tried to write my chapters in a way that even those not familiar with the characters and setting could follow along. I was also happy to help Rufusluciusivan with research for his side of the story, and I'm quite glad he launched it in the first place.

[rufusluciusivan]

To esercito sconfitto:

"the Carpenter"

I appreciated especially the pile of henchwomen !

I was curious to see if someone would actually pinpoint the reference/joke with Carpenter. I just love her character, her design, and her semi-plausible concept. She is in fact canonically the one who builds most of the death traps for Gotham City's villains. I just love how the authors one day tried to rationalize just how all these dysfunctional supervillains could actually build their lairs.

It's been a while since the last pile of henchwoman, so I thought I'd rectify that...

To meditions: I'm glad you enjoyed this scene in particular. This was my favorite USB scene, especially because it features a reference to a DC character I appreciate. (I have a fondness for joke villains in comics.) So I tried to make it memorable.

To tirepanted: MJ's and Felicia's banters were also the main appeal to write this part. I had ton of fun with them. Especially since, in spite of MJ's ineriority complex, they're actually not as one-sided as one may think. There are several moments in which MJ comes out on top. My personal favorite is not when she calls out Felicia's one-liners, it's when she takes advantage of the situation when she has to pretend Felicia-as-Madame-Masque is her prisoner. Don't judge her. She's a method actress. She was getting in-character.

I also love how their fight is resolved at the end.

Poor Asbestos Lady indeed has an outfit especially prone to uniform stealing. (It's the hood.) And an unfortunate name. The Ass-bestos joke is childhish and stupid, and I love it from the bottom of my heart.

That scene with Walrus and Carpenter was a ton of fun.

This collaboration was a ton of fun, and I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Once again, thank you for your propositions and advices - and for proposing the idea in the first place.