Volume 5B: Terror on the Seas

[tirepanted3]

Thanks, Meditions! Glad you enjoyed the story.

By now, it should be obvious that I like scenes in which a procession of women get picked off for their uniforms, one by one. And that I also like when uniform thieves carry on casual conversations during their muggings, including conversation pertaining to the mugging itself. It's a good way to add a layer of personality and fun to the scenes and help distinguish them from the ones in prior stories.

[esercito sconfitto]

tirepanted, many thanks for this now-completed new tale, a precious addition to our library

I admit I enjoyed very much the overpowering of the two rookies Tonya and Cherise - I adore such kind of victims , despite the "wrong " uniform ( at least from a decade, FBI has no more a standard black tactical gear... but a light green tactical gear,;the detail is important , because this it is one of the things featuring the most important trends of the modern Police, the so-called "militarization" whith policewomen looking more like female soldiers in the battlefield)

of course I have really appreciated the line of pirate soldierettes taken one by one...and the many lines about USB and 'Uniform Swiping Babes' etc

another time, speaking about uniforms, I wonder where you picked the inspiration for the guards uniform of the Pirate Island...red beret, black jacket and blue pants, I am pretty sure I saw them somewhere ...maybe a movie?

and the finale, very well written, a gentle, kind and unexpected conclusion. Yes, it is "the perfect getaway"

[rufusluciusivan]

Ok, brace yourself. I'll attempt to review the global story in one go.

I was actually a bit hesitant to set a full story around Meredith and Lucinda, since they are somewhat villainous characters with vague moral compasses, and I wasn't sure how readers would respond.

First point, it's funny that you mentioned it, because personally that's the exact reason why I couldn't get into the story like in the previous ones. Meredith and Lucinda are great antagonists and well-written three-dimentional characters, but I'll be honest: when they are put into the role of protagonists, I don't care to see them win. And reading a story while actively rooting against the protagonists is not a pleasant experience, so that's not something I want to do. Same with the FBI ladies. They aren't characters I necessarily want to see come out on top, so I don't care to see them win. And as expected, I didn't care and didn't feel anything when Meredith and Lucinda or the FBI ladies got their 'kinda more-or-less happy ending', and certainly not joy or satisfaction, no matter how well-written their interactions were. And of course the story is aware of that potential problem, hence why Lucinda and Meredith ends up helping the prisoners (even if it is because it also suits their own ends), or why the story attempts to portray the pirates as even more cruel. (As far as I'm concerned, the key word being 'attempt'. Meredith and Lucinda have proven to be as sadistic and murderous as the pirates when they're in control, so the main difference is that they had less means. During the scene in which Lucinda is threatened, I didn't feel worried for them, I felt more like they were getting a taste of their own medicine.) But it doesn't change what I think of these characters. You could say it's the risk of having only morally grey characters. Though I admit I'm happy to be the vocal minority here, as the other readers enjoyed these characters.

Because of course, my personal considerations aside, the story has the usual quality of your other projects, so I'm not going to dwell on my negativity any longer.

Second point, I've briefly touched it upon in my first point, I'll mention it again, the interactions between the characters are as always one of the main strengths of your stories. Either to create funny interactions, or more serious and emotional ones. (For instance, I won't deny Meredith's and Lucinda's interactions feel true and greatly illustrate their love for each other, my personal feelings on the characters notwithstanding.)

Your characters have their way to respond tit for tat to each other. The back-and-forth between the FBI agents and the pirates when Doreen, Verna, and Lorelei are captured is one example among others. I can perfectly picture these dialogues in a fast-paced action comedy movie.

One other example among many:

Lucinda shrugged. "Actually, I've recently been promoted."

"Promoted?" The guard was nonplussed. "To what position?"

Lucinda grinned. "Yours."

I also always enjoy the idea of characters being self-aware to some extent about the fact they live in a USB-world or characters who lean on the fourth wall, so I of course appreciated Doreen's comments - and Kristen who rightfully points out her comic relief role.

'Uniform Swiping Babes'

I live for meta-jokes like this. Well, also for many other things, but your good lines are certainly one of them.

Third point, the tone of the narration is also very good at conveying comedic moments. I often mention the dialogues as a comedic strength, but I don't always think of mentioning the narration. You, as the omniscient narrator, have this slightly joking tone sometimes, and it works great. One instance to illustrate my point:

"After about twenty seconds of muffled beating, grunting, and seaworthy profanity, the closet room grew silent once again."

The "seaworthy profanity" part wasn't needed, but its mere presence turns a simple offscreen mugging into a funny line.

Fourth point, your pacing is as always an other strength, with the different storylines joining, and the suspense (and with the classic cliffhangers, of course). It's always interesting to see how the various characters end up helping (or hindering) each others.

The plot had a 'villains act, protagonists react' kind of structure, with a first part centered on the pirates' invasion of the ship, and a second part centered on the prisoners' escape alongside with the FBI trying to do something useful. As for the last part of the story (the part centered around the escape), you played on my soft heart. I'm always in for a scenario featuring the prisoners of a criminal organization breaking out while returning the favor to their jailers USB-style.

Fifth point, about the USB parts. Some more unusual outfits were stolen in this story, which is always a good thing. The scuba gear was already mentioned I think, but I'll mention it again. I also liked the idea of having henchwomen of an evil secret organization - well, technically they were pirates, but you catch my drift: the sort of minions you see in superhero or spy stories. Or like the delmo corp, for a more USB-related reference. Plus, Dr. Domina is just begging to become a minor Marvel villainess... unless that's already the name of an obscure comicbook character. It wouldn't surprise me!

Over the story, you used various ways to subdue the women; including threat, sleeping gas, chloroform, martial arts, neckchops, and offscreen takeouts. And the classic conk on the head with a trail. Variety is always a plus. Same with the various unlucky damsels and their physical characteristics. As always, I like your way to give from time to time these 'damsels of the day' a few lines or a small scene to expand their personalities.

I also keep on discovering new colour shades when you describe underwear... After 4 years, it's a bit reassuring.

To conclude on a very serious life-changing question: Is it me, or did I spot a pattern? The FBI ladies' speciality seems to be to show up after someone else did all the job and reap the glory?

"That island... which doesn't appear to be on our maps."

"Hear me out laddie... Have you not heard the stories? Captain Barbossa and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta. It's an island that cannot be found... except by those who already know where it is... YARRR!"



...

...

I apologize... Though in my defense, I want to say that the story was just begging for pirates-related jokes.

It was at that moment, though, that the forces of fate seemed to intervene.

Yes, the forces of fate. Also known as... THE PLOT! ... I also apologize.

To conclude for real, even though I clearly couldn't get invested in this story due to the characters, this instalment has the same quality as all the others when it comes to the writing.

[tirepanted3]

Esercito: You're very welcome! I'm always happy to enhance the board's library.

I've seen photos of FBI agents wearing the green uniforms you refer to, as well as the black ones in the story. I think the latter worked better for the stealthy tone I was going for here, but I'll make a note of it in case any future stories should involve some unfortunate agents getting parted from their uniforms.

I figured people would appreciate the "Uniform Swiping Babes" joke. However, I'm not sure there was a specific source for the pirate guard uniforms. I've definitely seen that sort of uniform in the movies, but I did not draw consciously on any single source in particular.

I worked hard on that finale, trying to give Meredith and Lucinda a perfect conclusion. They have a "getaway" in one sense, if not the other.


Rufus: A review of the full story at once... impressive. I know it can be weeks or months between my posting of chapters, so I'm curious how the story reads when consumed all at once.

Your point about Lucinda and Meredith is well taken. I love writing them, and I know some readers love them, but they can be difficult to sympathize with despite their mutual affection for each other. That's partly why I didn't want to make the story too long (even three chapters felt like pushing it), since some people might be turned off by them. On the other hand, I love writing morally grey characters (the entire concept of women mugging other women for their clothes is, after all, not an inherently heroic act), and I wasn't fully satisfied where I had left these two characters at the end of "Last Woman Standing." So I decided to give them one final story to conclude their arc. There are no plans to bring Lucinda and Meredith back in any future stories, but I wanted their saga to end on a high (if bittersweet) note. Putting them up against the cruel pirates was a good way of ginning up sympathy, although as you say, it can still be hard to sympathize with them even if they face villains of their own.

As always, the two key components I invest the most time in with these stories (apart from the routine uniform thefts) are the characters and dialogue. Even in darker circumstances (and the pirates can be pretty dark), I tried to keep the tone light and the dialogue propellant. And throwing in a few meta-jokes (though only a few ) is a good way to keep that tone as well.

I've also been making an effort to keep the narration fun and funny (without being too distracting), so glad you noticed that as well.

The "villains act, protagonists react" structure has worked well for my stories lately, since it provides ample opportunity for both good and bad women to engage in USB shenanigans. I wanted the setup to feel threatening in order to make the payoff (in which the prisoners fight back) to feel worth it, which is why I tried ratcheting up the suspense and coordinating the different story threads to maximize impact.

I'm always looking for obscure or unusual uniforms for these stories, and scuba gear wasn't very common. The pirates have a lot of standard "villain" occupations (the guards and such), but I tried cloaking them in an air of mystery and danger. A few tweaks to a common scenario can keep the stories fresh. That's also why I try to vary the appearances, personalities, and underwear choices of the USB victims. A little variation goes a long way. And there are so many underwear colors to choose from.

I did not intend for the PotC reference with regards to the FBI ladies... though I made a Jack Sparrow reference in the last chapter, so I was probably asking for it.

I would say the "forces of fate" in the case of this story were the other story threads. The FBI agents were saved by Lucinda's cutting of the lights, even though she did not intend to save them or even know of their presence. The shared world of USB women works in mysterious ways.

Thank you for the comments, and I'm glad you appreciated a lot of the story even if you couldn't connect with the main characters. Rest assured, my next story will feature some characters whom you are more sympathetic to.

[rufusluciusivan]

As always, the two key components I invest the most time in with these stories (apart from the routine uniform thefts) are the characters and dialogue. Even in darker circumstances (and the pirates can be pretty dark), I tried to keep the tone light and the dialogue propellant. And throwing in a few meta-jokes (though only a few ) is a good way to keep that tone as well.

I've also been making an effort to keep the narration fun and funny (without being too distracting), so glad you noticed that as well.

I think you've really found the right dosage (sorry to sound like a pharmacist, I couldn't find a better word) when it comes to the light-hearted jokes in the dialogues and in the narration.

Rest assured, my next story will feature some characters whom you are more sympathetic to.

Given the recent developments of your stories, I'm at the same time curious, impatient, and very anxious.

[tirepanted3]

I think you've really found the right dosage (sorry to sound like a pharmacist, I couldn't find a better word) when it comes to the light-hearted jokes in the dialogues and in the narration.

No worries, I get your meaning. Thanks.

Given the recent developments of your stories, I'm at the same time curious, impatient, and very anxious.

I hope to start posting the next story in a few weeks. I have an idea for one or two other short stories, but I also feel like it's about time for another long saga. It's been almost a year since I completed "Last Woman Standing," and I've been itching to return to the stories of Bridget, Bobbi, and Felicia. There's still a lot to explore with them, and I just love writing their characters. Stay tuned for Volume 6.