Night at the Museum

[esercito sconfitto]

outstandingly brilliant, mr Torreken


And I mean OUTSTANDINGLY brilliant

[Torreken]

Thanks a lot! I am glad you enjoyed it.

[rufusluciusivan]

Procrastination is my worst enemy as of late, so I'm being more than one step behind, but I was happy to see one of your stories pop up. Congratulations for this new installment!

A few random thoughts:

- It's been a long time since we had a museum heist, so thank you for that.

- Rival teams fighting each other always make up for a good scenario.

- Good variety of clothes and uniforms (nurses, bodyguards, fancy dresses, electricians, security guards...)

- Scarcophagi were a great idea to stash 'uniform donors'. If you have a museum in your story, might as well make the most of it!

- Some sexy detailed-enough descriptions, that's for sure!

- The recap showing the aftermath of the police finding all the victims was a nice touch, and so was the one at the epilogue with the agents discussing the heist.

- The jokes surrounding 'Valeria’s Secret' hiring the security guards were very funny. At least these women get a happy ending! Sorta... The jokes surrounding the 'very detailed reports' were a close second. Gotta love these touches of humour!

-

That is not true. We are well-aware of our own mistakes, as you remind us all time, and we have paid for them dearly. But do you think that having men instead of women would end this kind of crimes? No one wants to see men impersonating other men. It would also result in deaths and fatalities for sure. Besides that, do you really think that our bosses are really contemplating removing women altogether? Of course not. We are the scapegoat for their incompetence. Blaming us distracts the public attention from other structural problems within our institutions. In our specific case, we were betrayed, for fuck’s sake! Don’t you know that? Besides that, do you think people would be ok if something like we have endured happened to men? There would be public outrage if almost 60 guys had to suffer something like this and there would be media pundits demanding to impose Martial Law or something else every day. Because the victims are women it is easy to take it lightly, saying that it is their own fault or just focus on the sexual aspects of it. As long as the wider public is occupied discussing the salacious aspects of these crimes or searching the Internet for videos and pictures of us, they will not question anything else’

I really loved this discussion of the situation.

- I'll repeat a previous comment, but I still appreciate how you're making your characters treat their victims differently, most notably the fact that they sympathize with and are 'gentler' with the people from the working class - and the detail about them giving them some money. It gives them more depth, makes them more three-dimensional by showing their own 'moral code', and in my opinion it is a very important addition to make them more sympathetic (along with the fact that they don't kill) - something important given the fact that their molestations make them edge more on the villainous side. The 'Robin Hood' angle is interesting, for sure.

- I really appreciated your choice to use vintage/'old-school' uniforms (such as the ones worn by the nurses at the beginning or the college student uniforms). I think it was a very good idea. Plus, you even justify in-universe why they were these clothes so it's even better.

- I think it's pretty safe to say that 'Albion' is the United Kingdom "20 Minutes into the Future" (to quote TV Tropes). 'Albion' and the 'Old Continent Trade Federation' were clear giveaways. A little anticipation story, that's always nice. Out of curiosity, have you been inspired by V for Vendetta or the latest Watchdogs game for your setting? I had these references in mind when reading your story, but it's maybe just me.

- If I could make a suggestion, it would be to space out each paragraph. You said you mostly write and read while using a phone, so I don't know if it's possible, but if it is it would help reading them a lot. Honestly, I had to read the story in several times because of that.

- Finally,

I'm reading a serious story about a group of women who pride themselves as modern Robin Hood and her merry women.

In my head, non stop:

We're men, we're men in tights.
We roam around the forest looking for fights.
We're men, we're men in tights.

We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!
We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights!
We're men, we're men in tights,

Always on guard defending the people's rights.

[Torreken]

Thanks a lot for your kind words and for the comments!

I will space the paragraphs in the future. Most of the time I log in from the phone, but I copy-pasted the stories from Word (it would be brutal to write that muc on a phone!). I know realised how uncomortable it could be to read (I also have a tendency to write long paragraphs). Sorry!

I am not very active because I check the forum a few times a week to see what is new, but I do not have much time to read in depth. Hopefully in the summer I can catch-up. On the other hand, if I am writing something I am of two minds in regards to read other authors' works. On one hand, I enjoy reading the stories and they undoubtedly help me expand my horizons. On the other hand, I fear that I will uncounciously replicate the same idea or anecdote. For example, reading your stories made me think how a literary universe evolves because the characters' actions have consequences which alters how their world works. If uniform-stealing becomes a recurring event, society will change, at least partially: there would be measures to prevent it or the underwear choice would be an important decision depending on your line of work. However, I try to think on that idea without repeating the same beats. For instance, I really liked the idea of the infiltrators pretending they are legit and they had been replaced, but I did not use it because I thought it was kind o stealing it once I had read it. I know that every genre relies on tropes, but I hope you know what I mean.

I did not have V for Vendetta in mind, but, honestly, it is an interesting take. The stories have a political undertone (like the discussion about uniform stealing and women you highlighted), but I was not picturing a dystopian society. The world is pretty much the same as our world, although there is a social critique. For instance, I think Brexit was a mistake but I 100% respect the British people's decision and I agree that the EU is a defective institution. Therefore, I was trying to comment on it as a joke without being partisan or preachy.

Robin Hood is a bit o a cliché, but I think the idea around it is so universal that I thought it was worth including it. Maybe next time there should be uniforms (with tights) too!

[Trackman281]

Okay, so the last horse finally crosses the line eh.

First of all, I actually quite enjoyed this story of yours. You have a wide variety of uniforms being stolen. I enjoyed all the interactions between your characters. Some naturally view their victims as means to and end but others are actually quite considerate to them, it's enjoyable to see how each character handles these situations.

You certainly have some unique concepts here and I really appreciate the time and effort you've put into all this. Plus, some of the hiding places you used to hide your victims were priceless and I think you may even be the first to come up with a few of them, so nice work there.

The only tiny, TINY thing I will say, is for your next story, could I please have a few paragraphs as I found myself reading over the same lines a few times by accident, but this is such a small thing compared to just how amazing this story really is.

I think you've done a fantastic job and I really am looking forward to see what you come up with next!

[Torreken]

Thanks a lot for your comments! I am really glad you like it.

I love many tropes of the genre and I repeat many concepts I have used before; however, I always try to come up with something different for every story, hoping that it will not be lost in the thousands of words written.

After the first two stories I wrote, I started to design the whole plot and several scenes in advance, so before I start writing I have a very defined script although I change (and mostly add) things as a I write. All this to say that I have a draft of the next installment (I normally start thinking about it while I am still writing a story) but I do not know when I will actually write it. I only log in sparsely and briefly, and I do not see me having much time on the next future

[Trackman281]

Well it wasn't lost on me, I do take time to read through everyone's stories, that way if anyone has snuck something special somewhere in their work, I'll always find it and appreciate it.

so before I start writing I have a very defined script although I change (and mostly add) things as a I write. All this to say that I have a draft of the next installment (I normally start thinking about it while I am still writing a story)

If it's any consolation, I do the same from time to time, as at times you come up with better idea's as your writing, so you switch it out as your doing, trust me, I'm in the same boat as you on this one.

Don't worry, whenever you do find the time to write your next story, I can assure you, I'll be ready to read it and I promise I won't take so long with the review next time.

[Torreken]

Thanks for the kind words!