Hotel of Deception

[FeMilImpos]

Nice job, Loved the story!

[esercito sconfitto]

one of the funniest stories ever presented at our board

many thanks Torreken

could you please add a sort of "casting call" for the protagonists and the main characters?

while reading the story, at some point I was under the impression that you are describing real people, maybe actresses

[lord maul]

Did enjoy this for the best part there was a part that didn't appeal but
It's just a small thing that is a question of personal taste but thanks for this
Piece marvelous

[micpop2]

great work! welcome to the board

[Torreken]

Didn't comment on the first two stories when they came out, but I'm glad another one was posted as it allows me to rectify that and give you encouraging words. It's always nice to see authors trying to keep this section alive.

The story itself is well-paced. As a non-English native speaker as well, I was able to follow it without trouble. You take the time to describe the characters - and the clothes and underwear, which is a must in my opinion, but manage to give enough details without breaking the flow of the story. I appreciated the fact that there was a good variety of clothes stolen - not only ones worn by 'figures of authority'. Putting an epilogue showing the wherabouts of the different parties involved was a good idea, same with that small epilogue at the end of Chapter 13 detailing the discovery and rescue of the victims in the hotel.

I'll be honest however and say that I'm not at all into the more 'explicit sexual' content when your characters 'have fun' with their victims, but it's a matter of personal taste not of quality, though it probably explains why I wasn't assiduous in my comments with the first two stories.

I however liked a lot the idea that Ursula and her team treat their victims differently, most notably the fact that they sympathize with and are 'gentler' with the people from the working class. It gives them more depth, makes them more three-dimensional, and in my opinion it is a very important addition to make them more sympathetic (along with the fact that they don't kill) - something important given the fact that their molestations make them edge more on the villainous side than other teams of anti-heroines.

What also makes it easier to follow the main characters is their efficiency as a team, as proven by the flawless progress of their plan, efficiency that you also showcase with small details such as their use of ball-gags and zip-ties to be quicker when it comes to restrain people.

Another idea I appreciated is your depiction of 'Harris Security' and its concept of a security company hiring an all-female crew whose main appeal is their looks. A good way to justify why all the guards are female and why a good chunk of them can be neutralized with ease. Their fate stated in the epilogue was ironically funny.

Not related to this story in general, I read your point about preferring to post the stories once they are entirely finished. Personally, while it depends on their length of course, I think that discussing the story while it's being written is one of the funnest and most interesting aspect of the writing process. Therefore I don't mind when they are posted in several installments (unless they're short stories of course).

To conclude, I can only encourage you to continue writing stories if you enjoy it, even though due to personal taste I don't enjoy some parts of it.

Thanks a lot for your comments. I also appreciated you noticed those details. I am very surprised you are not an English native-speaker: your writing is terrific!

Although it is fantasy, it is extremely complicated where to draw a line when depicting violence: what kind of actions could be considered tolerable and what are not when writing fiction? Obviously it is a subjective matter. I love the classic clothes-stealing scenario, although sometimes I prefer to go an extra step and make it more sexually explicit. However, I ponder about it all the time, to be earnest. That is why I try to integrate these actions within a context (Ursula and her partners' twisted sense of justice, revenge, incontrolable lust, etc.), the criminals had a different attitude depending on the victims, and the team is not homogenous in that regard either (Sally never does anything sexual to their captives, Ursula does sporadically and Zoe and, especially, Susan are the more villanous with Belinda dangerously following her older cousin's steps). I understand the need to make them more likeable in order to make their actions more palatable (I do it, as you point out), but I also think that it is interesting to see that the people you are supposedly cheering for are evil (or close).

As you say, it is fun to discuss about writing with other members of the forum. Alas, I do not have much free time right now, and I only check on the forum sporadically with my phone, which makes harder to comment properly (or I am too old!)

[Torreken]

Wow, what a great, great story Torrekan.

So much good stuff. First off, given my enjoyment of stories about female guards, wow, there was so much fun stuff. I do like how you explained the woman are hired for their looks. As Rufusluciusivan said, it is a good way to explain why they are all female and are easily taken care of. Moreover, it lets the reader know the woman are all pretty.

Even though she isn't knocked out, I think the parts about Maddie are my favorite. Love the idea of her getting lassoed and ending up helpless hanging upside down.

And I really love Susan doing the “Spiderman 69” with Maddie and as part of that giving the blonde haired guard some pleasure too. And I love the idea of the Maddie getting the vibrator and that it was set on maximum. My guess is Maddie had good number of orgasms before the batteries ran out.

Despite my love of guards take outs, I have to say I think my favorite take out was Becca the young receptionist. Great set up of her thinking she should go get help but deciding not to do it and then not immediately sounding the alarm when she found the women tied up. I love the way the poor girl seals her fate. She could have gone for help but chose not to and ends up knocked out.

And I love the description of Zoe quietly sneaking up behind Becca grabbing her, covering her mouth and then easily knocking her out with a nerve pinch. And then of course it is great that she is left hogtied and stripped for no reason other than Zoe wanted to tease Susan. And the idea of Zoe taking Becca’s boobs out of the bra for pictures is fun.

I also enjoyed the take out of Gabriela. Love her being tricked and then chloroformed in the elevator then tossed into the trolley where there is already another unconscious guard. The idea of two unconscious guards laying on top of one another in the trolley is really sexy.

Just love everything about the story. Thanks for posting.

Thank you very much. I am ver glad you like it. I totally agree with you: I think Maddie's ordeal was my favourite and I found it very sexy; although the number of victims is very high, Gabriela's capture is one of my favourites and I imagined her as one of the sexiest captives.

Thanks again: I really appreciate it!

[Torreken]

Nice job, Loved the story!

Thanks a lot!

[Torreken]

one of the funniest stories ever presented at our board

many thanks Torreken

could you please add a sort of "casting call" for the protagonists and the main characters?

while reading the story, at some point I was under the impression that you are describing real people, maybe actresses

Thanks for your very kind words.

I promise I will add a dramatis personae with the main characters so people can follow the stories more easily.

Your impression was absolutely right: there were many 'Easter eggs' when describing the secondary characters which I do not think are hard to notice

[Torreken]

Did enjoy this for the best part there was a part that didn't appeal but
It's just a small thing that is a question of personal taste but thanks for this
Piece marvelous

Thank you very much. I love your stories and I recognised that they have influenced mine a lot, although there are some differences as you point out.

[Torreken]

great work! welcome to the board

Thanks!!