Lockhart Ch. 1
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btl-special
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- Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2020 5:51 am
Lockhart Ch. 1
I'm new to the site and would like to post stories here.
Last edited by btl-special on Wed Jun 03, 2020 3:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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esercito sconfitto
- Posts: 7166
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Re: Stories by btl-special
sure post the story and welcome to the board 
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btl-special
- Posts: 16
- Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2020 5:51 am
Re: Stories by btl-special
This is a rough-ish draft. Things about plot and character histories are intentionally vague and will expand as I go. I usually don't complete anything I write so criticism and comments are strongly welcome.
Also, I'm rather new to the board. I've read other stories posted here. If this doesn't fit or needs to be tweaked please let me know. I read the rules thread and applied what was outlined there to the best of my ability.
Title is a WIP.
Plot synopsis: A young woman begins a journey of revenge against those who wronged her family years before.
Contains: uniform stealing, bound women, lethal/nonlethal take downs
Lockhart
Chapter 1
Downes Plumbing
The white utility van was as plain as possible, the kind you could spot a hundred of in traffic at any given time of the day. There were no windows on the side or the rear double doors. Nothing gave the impression that the two “handymen” in the cabin were transporting an unconscious woman: early twenties and thin with a pixie haircut in peroxide blonde. She wore only her underwear and plastic zip ties secured her wrist and ankles.
They pulled up to a security gate that walled off a plain office building in the industrial sector of the city. The driver rolled his window down and greeted the uniformed guard. “We’ve got a drop-off.”
The guard glanced at his watch. “It’s past midnight. Did you get clearance from upstairs?”
“Check with Mrs. Downes. She should be in the office doing an all-nighter. We called it in.”
The guard hesitated and sighed. “Go ahead.”
The van continued on and pulled around back where dozens of other vans were parked in a lot. They picked one of the building’s four loading bays and backed in. The driver turned to his passenger, “Those burritos are calling me. I gotta take a dump.”
“I told you to lay off that Mexican food,” the passenger said, shaking his head, “I’ll bring this one in and handle the paper work.”
In the cargo bay, the blonde carefully curled her body with snake-like precision. She brought her bound hands past her bum and legs, bringing them forward. She slipped her fingers into the crotch of her panties and probed her vagina. Tucked in her cleft was a small piece of rubber. She took it out and peeled away the rubber coating to reveal a razor blade. The driver had just mentioned burritos when she finished cutting the zip ties on her hands and feet. She resumed a fetal position with her hands placed behind her back and played dead.
“You’ll take care of the van?” Driver.
“Yeah, leave the keys.” Passenger.
“Alright, man, see you tomorrow.”
The cargo bay doors opened and the “handyman” climbed inside. He reached his arms out to pick up the blonde. Her hands shot forward, catching one of the handyman’s arms. Her legs flew up and trapped his neck in a triangle choke. With her ankles locked behind his back, his head and extended arm trapped between her thighs, the handyman fell to the floor of the van struggling for air. His free hand reached for his belt and the blonde reacted fast. She rolled her full body weight to one side and kept her thighs tight with all of her power while her hands held his trapped arm. There was a loud, satisfying pop and the handyman immediately went limp.
She scurried to the bay doors and shut them. The handyman wore a tool belt loaded with unremarkable plumbing gear, however, it was a weird big pouch on the hip that she had her eyes on. She popped it open and found .38 revolver and some capped syringes, two with blue fluid, one with bright red. She patted down his pockets and found the van’s keys and a cellphone. It had a screen-lock feature. Luckily, it was one of the models that unlocked using facial recognition.
After some playing around with the dead handyman’s eyes, she was able to trigger the camera properly. There was only one person she could call. She dialed the number she knew by heart, got connected, and before the other line could say a word she blurted: “It’s Lexi.”
“Jesus,” the British man’s voice on the end responded, “Why are you calling this number? Are you OK?”
“It’s an emergency. I got caught, lost my stuff.”
“Do you know where you are?”
“I’m at an office building. There are a bunch of unmarked vans around.”
“Can you take one of the vans and get out of there? I’ll meet you on the outside and we’ll regroup and rethink our strategy.”
“No, I got this. I’ll find a way in.”
“How?”
Lexi eyed a handyman heading to the cluster of parked vans carrying two duffle bags only it wasn’t a man.
“Don’t go anywhere. I’ll call you back.”
“Lexi, wait—”
Lexi left the van barefoot. She didn’t make a noise, swiftly running on the balls of her feet over the parking lot concrete. Needing her hands free and without any pockets, she left the gun and phone behind. She closed in on the woman and threw her arms around for a chokehold. She easily locked the head and neck, then kicked the back of the woman’s knee so she fell into a kneeling position. This reduced the victim’s ability to fight back significantly. Within seconds, Lexi easily put her to sleep. There were keys in the woman’s hip pocket. Lexi used it to locate the van with a press of the unlock button on the key fob. A pair of taillights flashed a few vans down the row.
She had to move fast, first dragging the woman to the cargo bay and then grabbing the abandoned duffle bags from the street. In the cargo bay of the van, she laid her victim out. The woman looked to be in her early thirties, Hispanic, with an average build and her hair styled in a bun. She was a couple inches taller than Lexi’s slender 5’6 frame but her clothes would do. She wore tan, weathered coveralls, work boots, and a red “Downes Plumbing” cap. A badge on her breast pocket read “Inez.”
Lexi took off the tool belt and set it aside. She unzipped the coveralls and sat Inez up, pulled the sleeves down her limps arms, and dropped Inez with a thud so she could pull the coveralls down her legs. She stopped to unlace the heavy, brown work boots and pull those off. After she got the coveralls off, she didn’t bother with Inez’s undershirt or gray panties.
The size difference between the two women was apparent right away. The coveralls fit baggy. Lexi had planned to skip the socks but realized she needed anything to compensate for the boots being on the bigger side. She pulled the socks off and put them on before the boots. The hat was the only thing that fit well. Lexi hair was long on top (she could comb it past her eyes when wet) and short on the sides and back. Normally, she’d have her wig kit but this outing had veered off from normal a while ago. She’d left most her things in the car before following the handymen on foot and getting nabbed.
She snapped on the tool belt and found another .38 and more syringes. Besides the van keys, Inez had a cellphone on her. It was an identical model to the first handyman’s and Lexi realized these were probably company phones. Hopefully they weren’t tracked or monitored.
She dialed and spoke fast. “Don’t use any names.”
“Are you calling me from another number?”
“Yes.”
“How many phones — what’s going on there?”
“Obviously these are procured from the local staff. Don’t use any names.”
An awkward silence followed as both remembered their conversation on the first phone well enough.
“Get out of there. Let’s regroup,” he said, “The situation is fucked.”
“It’s not fudged. I’m still good. I have a weapon and a uniform.”
She could see the office building better from this van when she opened the cargo bay doors. A large, illuminated sign glowed on top of the building: Downes Plumbing Co.
“I heard them talking. She’s here. Meredith is here at the freaking headquarters.”
“What? Leave now, we’ll regroup and form a new plan.”
“I’m not missing this chance. I’m moving to Phase 3.”
“What is ‘Phase 3?’ There are no phases!”
“I’ll be in touch.”
They had been looking for Meredith with no information to go on until they got a tip that she was married to the man running the ‘plumbing’ business. They knew she helped run things with her expertise from her previous career. There were no public records to track. The names attached to the business probably weren’t the same they used in their private lives. They knew the location of Downes Plumbing but some investigating with former employees seemed to indicate no one knew who the Downeses were or if they even lived in the area. Even worse, they were only able to track and speak to employees of the legitimate end of Downes Plumbing, actual plumbers. They hadn’t run into the real workers until tonight.
Lexi had finally tracked the right van at the right time. The handymen had exchanged some cash, way too much cash, with another unmarked van in an alley. Lexi had fucked up and got apprehended and sedated at gunpoint. Fast-forward to now.
She was very familiar with the pre-loaded syringes they were using. The translucent blue toxin came from the manufacturer with a standard strength dose providing 30-60 minutes of unconsciousness. She had conditioned herself into a tolerance that lessened the effects considerably, particularly if she was being jostled around like one would in the back of a van with worn suspension.
The bright red syringes were lethal. Lexi had no backup plan if they had used those.
The duffle bags were full of cash. Lexi wasn’t interested in currency She took some zip ties from her belt and secured Inez’s wrist and ankles. She made sure to lock Inez’s wrists high and tight, unlike the handymen had done with Lexi’s. These guys either weren’t pros or they were but very sloppy. Her tool belt provided some duct tape and she used that to cover Inez’s mouth. Lexi didn’t just place a strip over the lips. She knew the correct to do it was to wrap it around the head completely and do a few laps over the mouth. For a woman, Lexi would usually get the hair out of the way and angle the tape so it was more on the neck and didn’t stick to a bunch of long hair. She was in a rush and didn’t waste the extra effort this time.
Lexi didn’t like the idea of the other van sitting in the loading bay. She ran over and got back into the cargo bay to get the keys from the dead handyman where she left them. Because of the partition, she had to climb out the back and enter from the driver side. She moved the van over to where the others were and parked it in a free spot at the end of the row.
On the passenger side was a garbage bag with her things. She’d have to abandon her clothes. She took her belongings; her phone, wallet, knife, and a subcompact 9mm. She had enough pockets on her coveralls and tool belt to stow these.
With the vans secured, she composed herself and headed inside through the loading bay. Almost all the doors were locked with a card reader. She had Inez’s badge in hand to help navigate the corridors. The loading dock led to the main hall and from there the main lobby and elevators. There was a directory and map displayed on a large TV. The admin offices were up top on the fourth floor. If there was anywhere to begin looking for Meredith it was the top floor.
While she rode the elevator up, Lexi prayed the top floor would not be crowded with employees or worse, armed guards. She braced herself but when the doors slid open she found herself staring into a field of office cubicles under fluorescent lights. There were maybe three workers at their computers. It was practically silent except for the hum of the ventilation system.
The main floor was packed with cubicles. The perimeter around them was lined with offices and Lexi began to take a lap. The office walls and their doors were all glass. None were open and most had their blinds drawn. She could tell they were vacant as the lights were off in pretty much every office, all but the office the in the corner. The glass for this one was blacked-out for privacy but she could see light seeping from underneath the closed door.
Lexi knocked. A woman called on the other end, “Come in.”
The large office was carpeted in a nicer, darker fabric than she’d seen anywhere else in the building. It was bathed in warm lighting rather than the garish fluorescent office bulbs. The wall opposite of the door was packed with binders and folders organized in bookcases. A large, black, steel cabinet was in the corner to Lexi’s left. An enormous executive desk made of rosy, glossy wood and trimmed with gold bordering commanded the center of the office. The exec chair accompanying it was styled the same and resembled a throne more than office furniture. Two guest chairs faced the desk, miniature clones of the exec throne but still very heavy in appearance.
Until now, Lexi hadn’t seen Meredith Downes in person and up close, just some old photographs. She was clearly in good health, looking younger than her 36 years would suggest. The old photos were from 7-10 years earlier yet the difference here was barely noticeable.
She wore a slim-fitted salmon suit sporting ankle pants with a short inseam to show off her white high heels. The jacket had a modern-style hem that sat just below the waist. Meredith’s wheat-colored hair was cut in a bob. She stood in front of her desk, thumbs and eyes busy with her phone.
“One moment.” She glanced up enough to see the familiar Downes Plumbing uniform before going back to her phone. She did a double take when she noticed something in her periphery. Lexi stood with a .38 revolver raised.
Meredith had a look of moderate concern on her face like she had just found out her Starbucks order had been botched. “Can I help you?”
“Give me the phone.”
The blonde exec simply held the phone out to Lexi. Lexi stepped forward to take it and backed up again out of arm’s reach.
“Take your clothes off.”
Meredith raised her eyebrows and stood frozen as if she could wait for Lexi to change her mind. Finally, she sighed, “Fine.”
She removed her blazer and laid it neatly on one of the guest chairs. She wore a white, flow-y, silk camisole underneath. She the undid her fly and let the ankle pants drop to the floor. Meredith stepped out of these.
“Do the rest, shoes too, you can keep the jewelry.”
“I’m not wearing a bra.”
“Are you really worried about that right now?”
Meredith shrugged with another sigh. She undid the ankle straps of her high heels and slid them off.
“Are those Jimmy Choos?” Lexi eyes lit up when she noticed the expensive pumps.
“Why, yes.”
“They’re really pretty.”
“Oh, thank you.” Meredith smiled.
The exec removed her camisole and laid it on top of the blazer. She wore silky bikini-cut underwear. She slid them down her hips casually and let them drop then pushed them next to her pants with her foot. Her breasts were a little larger than average, possibly enhanced. The surgeon did a good job if they were. They were tipped with cute, tan nipples that were a bit on the small side. Her pubic hair was neatly groomed and she was slightly bronzed; no tan lines, even all over, clearly the work of a salon.
On her left wrist was an expensive-looking gold watch. Her wedding ring sported a large glimmering rock. What put both items to shame was the extravagant gold curb necklace she wore that was textured with small diamonds.
She stood with her arm over her breasts and her other hand covering her sex. “Good?”
“You’re very calm. Do people often come in here and tell you to undress?”
“There are certain hazards in my line of work.”
“The plumbing business.”
Meredith smirked and waited a beat. “Yes…that.”
“I’ve been looking for you. You weren’t easy to find. I’m not exactly sure what this place is and I don’t really care but I know it’s not legal.”
“And how do you know that?”
“A couple of your employees just grabbed me off the street, took my clothes, and drugged me in a van. How’s that for starters?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about but I’m sure we can look into this. If our employees are participating in illegal activities on the premises using company property that will not be tolerated,” Meredith said in a tone that was almost mocking.
“What’s the passcode for your phone?”
“1515.”
Lexi made sure it worked and pocketed it. “Do you know the name Leonard Lockhart?”
Meredith eyes scanned the ceiling in thought for a moment. “It sounds familiar, yes.”
“Lucy Lockhart?”
Meredith raised her shoulders and gave a polite smile. “I think so?”
“This would be several years back before you married and got into the ‘plumbing’ business so let me refresh your memory. You worked for Mr. Lockhart. He trained you. When his business partner decided to take over his company you betrayed Mr. Lockhart along with several other supposedly trustworthy associates of his resulting in the deaths of Lockhart, his wife, his daughter, Lucy, and every employee that remained loyal to him. Does that sound familiar?”
“I had nothing to do with that.”
“I know about some your clients who definitely had something to do with it.”
“Then maybe you should talk to them first.”
“Trust me. I will.”
“I can get you in touch with them.”
“I’m sure you can.”
She walked around behind Meredith. “Keep your eyes forward.”
“How much money are you after? Using me for ransom is a waste of time. I can pay you now and save you the trouble. We keep a safe on the premises.”
“I’m not planning to use you for ransom. You’re a message.”
“What message?”
“That I’m just getting started and when they find your body, they’ll know I’m coming to do the same thing to them.”
“Wait!”
Lexi jabbed her fist against the nape of Meredith’s neck, injecting the bright red toxin from its syringe. Meredith dropped to her knees instantly and then her side. She thrashed about on the floor, gagging and spitting up foam. Lexi used her foot to nudge Meredith onto her back. The Downes Plumbing exec looked up at Lexi, pleading with wide, terrified eyes filling with tears. Meredith’s bare arms and legs slapped about on the carpeted floor. Her breasts heaved wildly while she convulsed. This lasted for a little over a minute before Meredith settled down. She let out a few final moans and her body remained twitching gently. The shocked expression was frozen on her mascara-streaked face. Foam and drool trailed the corners of her mouth.
In a few more minutes Meredith would be fully gone. A quick pulse check showed she was still there but Lexi knew Meredith was all but done. Even teleporting Meredith to a hospital, diagnosing her quickly and correctly, and administering the anti-toxin would at best leave her in a vegetative state with permanent brain damage. Might as well start now, Lexi thought.
She had locked the door when she entered and checked it just to be sure before heading to the desk for Meredith’s belongings. There was a laptop with a shoulder bag, a black leather clutch, and some paperwork. She opened Meredith’s clutch and found a ring of office keys that included one for the cabinet in the corner and the key fob for the BMW. Lexi went for the cabinet, it looked industrial and out of place with the rest of the office. Inside was neatly arranged with stacks of cash and binders as well as a 9mm auto with some magazines. Lexi knew what she going to do right away.
Without her gear, Lexi didn’t have her bungee cords. She had plenty of zip ties to improvise. They weren’t Lexi aesthetic preference but they would be fine substitutes. There was a rag on her tool belt. She used it to clean the foam from Meredith’s face and sat the twitching body upright. She cuffed Meredith’s hands and then made a chain of zip ties long enough to reach Meredith’s neck. She removed the curb necklace and set it aside. She replaced it with a zip tie tightened around Meredith’s neck like a choker. She linked this with the ‘chain’ coming from Meredith’s wrists so that it tugged back like a leash on a collar. This ensured her head was somewhat straight in her limp form. She dragged the body back and sat her up against the desk. Meredith legs were then spread out like she was attempting to do the splits. Lexi positioned the two guest chairs wide apart and zip-tied one of Meredith’s spread ankles to each to lock the pose down.
From the cabinet, Lexi took a stack of hundred-dollar bills. Meredith’s face was still in the same wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression. Lexi crumpled and stuffed single bills into Meredith’s stretched maw until they blossomed out like a rose. There was still some physical feedback left in the system. Meredith made a chocking sound while her airflow was disrupted but her eyes remained vacant and unfocused. There was a lipstick tube in the clutch. Lexi popped it and scrawled ‘TRAITOR’ along the underside of Meredith’s collarbone, just above her breasts.
Satisfied with the composition she had arranged, Lexi took out her own phone for a photo. The symmetry with the desk, the chairs, and Meredith’s spread-legged body was almost perfect. Meredith would be the first official entry in Lexi scrapbook. Despite some hiccups, the outcome had been just what Lexi planned.
Quickly, Lexi kicked off the oversized boots and removed her socks. She unloaded everything she planned to take with her from the tool belt onto the desk and tossed the belt to the side. Unsurprisingly, the pants fabric was incredibly soft and light. Lexi examined it a second before slipping them on. Lexi bra was strapless and would not clash with the stringy camisole. Her B-cup breasts were smaller than Meredith’s but the shirt fit fine, its cool silk texture a welcome change from the coveralls. She got the jacket on and went for the shoes.
She’d seen them before but would never splurge on the one-thousand-plus-dollar shoes. They were beautiful: Italian, leather soles, opened-toe, and topped with a sparkly diamond charm on the ankle strap. They fit her perfectly. She finished the outfit by putting on the amazing gold necklace lying near Meredith’s body. She didn’t bother with the watch or wedding ring.
On the desk, Lexi swept everything into Meredith’s laptop bag. Besides what she had procured so far, and her own items, she collected a bunch of papers, a planner, and a couple of binders. She took a final look around before grabbing the bag and clutch. Satisfied, she shut the lights off and locked the office up.
Lexi strolled out in high spirits, laptop bag over her shoulder and the Downes cap still on to help hide her hair. The few cubicle workers paid her no mind as she went to elevator. She froze when the doors opened. A man was inside wearing a suit and tie reading the contents of a binder. Lexi looked down, lowering the brim of the hat, and tried not to be obvious about it. She itched at her nose. The man glanced up only for a second to give a quick smile before looking back at the binder and saying, “Heading home, Mrs. Downes?”
“Mm-hm,” Lexi mumbled.
“Have a good night.” He walked past her and into the cubicle farm.
“Uh-huh.”
After catching her breath in the elevator, she exited at the basement level and entered a small parking garage. There were only a few cars but it could’ve been packed and Lexi would still be able to spot Meredith’s BMW. It was an 8 Series sedan in bronze orange, pristine and glossy like it had just been come off the dealership lot. Lexi realized her jaw was hanging open when she caught her reflection in the tinted windows. She unlocked
“Nice car, Meredith,” Lexi gushed while she gripped the steering wheel and ran her hand over the leather fittings.
It took a few moments to familiarize herself with the controls (the ones not involved with the mechanical operation of the vehicle) and savor the luxury interior. When she was ready, she hit the start button and headed for the ramp leading out.
The security gate where she came in was closed. The guard simply stepped out, spotted the BMW, waved, and opened the gate. Despite how things had started, Lexi could not have hoped for a cleaner getaway.
After she was far enough from Downes Plumbing, she pulled under an overpass and took her phone out. They had set up a private app shared on their phones. Lexi opened it, entered a passcode, and was connected with the secure line.
“Nigel, Meredith is taken care of. Meet me at the end of the parkway where it intersects with Seneca. There’s an overpass there.”
“Give me ten minutes. I’m already on the way.”
Shortly after, a plain Ford sedan pulled up. Nigel had four of five ‘burner’ cars he used. Lexi had seen this one often. There wasn’t time to chat. She handed over the laptop bag and Meredith’s phone.
“Back up everything before you destroy it.”
“As always.”
“Ahem.”
“What?”
“I’m taking the BMW. You’re taking this car.”
“Can’t we keep it and scrub it and change the plates?”
“Too risky, Lexi.”
“Oh, poop.” Lexi handed the keys over. “I’m keeping the clothes.”
“But of course. That is a stunning necklace.”
“Do you like it? It’s a little gift from Meredith.” Lexi tilted her head and stretched her neck to show it off.
“How nice of her.”
They said their goodbyes and Lexi took the boring Ford back to her apartment in the city.
***
The curtains were yanked wide and the room exploded with sunlight.
Lexi instinctively took cover under her duvet. “What the heck, man!”
“Time to work,” a voice, British.
“Nigel, it’s too early for work.”
“It’s two PM. Get dressed. I brought groceries and coffee.”
Nigel was a very tall man with the silhouette of a giant steel door. His hair was mostly gray and he had the same thick mustache since Lexi was 10. Despite his build and his square jaw, he spoke with a light, soft voice that could have won him a gold medal in the audiobook Olympics. He wore a thick wool sweater that matched his black slacks.
“I should have never given you a key to this place,” Lexi grumbled as she moped in with fluffy slippers and a giant “Jonas Brothers” t-shirt that hung to her knees.
“You know I don’t need a key to get into anywhere. Drink.” Nigel placed a lidded coffee shop cup on the breakfast table.
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“Because I had to toss my old mobile and stakeout my own house for the last three days to make sure no one came looking for me.”
Lexi winced to herself. “Sorry again about that.”
“No worries. I was due for an upgrade and I quite like the new Google model.”
“I’m all about the Steve Jobs Posse, ride or die.”
Nigel set down two plates of eggs and bacon as well as grapefruit halves. He took a seat across from Lexi. “My tech man finished with the laptop yesterday. Meredith’s phone too.”
“And?”
“It’s promising.”
“Do you have any sugar for the coffee?”
“I assumed there’d be some here. I don’t know why. All that was in your fridge was a single yogurt and a beer can, which was an improvement from last time when I all I found were two double A batteries.”
“They last longer if you put them in there.” Lexi sipped her coffee plain. “What did your guy dig up? Any cool secrets?”
“We’ll go over that but first, I have two leads: Constance Delpy and India Adams. Constance is a trainer in LA. India is a security consultant in San Francisco. ”
Lexi knew who she wanted to see first.
“No news on Meredith Downes, meaning they likely are handling the death within the company: no police,” Nigel said.
“You think we got their attention?”
“No way to be sure but they will definitely know something is strange once we take care of Constance and India. They keep tabs on all of their assets, current and former. They’ll see the pattern soon enough.”
Lexi told Nigel all about the previous night’s botched operation. They’d been tailing vans almost every night and coming up with nothing. The routine was that Lexi would only call Nigel once she found something. She gave him all of the details from her capture to Meredith Downes’s demise.
Nigel looked at the picture of Meredith on Lexi’s phone for just a moment before handing it back with disinterest. “Even though I was friends with your father for years, he never discussed the business he managed with your mother. I had some idea but I didn’t know about all of this until after he died. I may not completely understand it all but I’ll do whatever I can to help. Just be more careful next time.”
“I will. I appreciate it, Nigel.”
“So, who’s next?”
“We visit Constance first. She and my sister were close.”
“I’ll begin our preparations.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
End of Chapter. Next Chapter: Workout Session
Also, I'm rather new to the board. I've read other stories posted here. If this doesn't fit or needs to be tweaked please let me know. I read the rules thread and applied what was outlined there to the best of my ability.
Title is a WIP.
Plot synopsis: A young woman begins a journey of revenge against those who wronged her family years before.
Contains: uniform stealing, bound women, lethal/nonlethal take downs
Lockhart
Chapter 1
Downes Plumbing
The white utility van was as plain as possible, the kind you could spot a hundred of in traffic at any given time of the day. There were no windows on the side or the rear double doors. Nothing gave the impression that the two “handymen” in the cabin were transporting an unconscious woman: early twenties and thin with a pixie haircut in peroxide blonde. She wore only her underwear and plastic zip ties secured her wrist and ankles.
They pulled up to a security gate that walled off a plain office building in the industrial sector of the city. The driver rolled his window down and greeted the uniformed guard. “We’ve got a drop-off.”
The guard glanced at his watch. “It’s past midnight. Did you get clearance from upstairs?”
“Check with Mrs. Downes. She should be in the office doing an all-nighter. We called it in.”
The guard hesitated and sighed. “Go ahead.”
The van continued on and pulled around back where dozens of other vans were parked in a lot. They picked one of the building’s four loading bays and backed in. The driver turned to his passenger, “Those burritos are calling me. I gotta take a dump.”
“I told you to lay off that Mexican food,” the passenger said, shaking his head, “I’ll bring this one in and handle the paper work.”
In the cargo bay, the blonde carefully curled her body with snake-like precision. She brought her bound hands past her bum and legs, bringing them forward. She slipped her fingers into the crotch of her panties and probed her vagina. Tucked in her cleft was a small piece of rubber. She took it out and peeled away the rubber coating to reveal a razor blade. The driver had just mentioned burritos when she finished cutting the zip ties on her hands and feet. She resumed a fetal position with her hands placed behind her back and played dead.
“You’ll take care of the van?” Driver.
“Yeah, leave the keys.” Passenger.
“Alright, man, see you tomorrow.”
The cargo bay doors opened and the “handyman” climbed inside. He reached his arms out to pick up the blonde. Her hands shot forward, catching one of the handyman’s arms. Her legs flew up and trapped his neck in a triangle choke. With her ankles locked behind his back, his head and extended arm trapped between her thighs, the handyman fell to the floor of the van struggling for air. His free hand reached for his belt and the blonde reacted fast. She rolled her full body weight to one side and kept her thighs tight with all of her power while her hands held his trapped arm. There was a loud, satisfying pop and the handyman immediately went limp.
She scurried to the bay doors and shut them. The handyman wore a tool belt loaded with unremarkable plumbing gear, however, it was a weird big pouch on the hip that she had her eyes on. She popped it open and found .38 revolver and some capped syringes, two with blue fluid, one with bright red. She patted down his pockets and found the van’s keys and a cellphone. It had a screen-lock feature. Luckily, it was one of the models that unlocked using facial recognition.
After some playing around with the dead handyman’s eyes, she was able to trigger the camera properly. There was only one person she could call. She dialed the number she knew by heart, got connected, and before the other line could say a word she blurted: “It’s Lexi.”
“Jesus,” the British man’s voice on the end responded, “Why are you calling this number? Are you OK?”
“It’s an emergency. I got caught, lost my stuff.”
“Do you know where you are?”
“I’m at an office building. There are a bunch of unmarked vans around.”
“Can you take one of the vans and get out of there? I’ll meet you on the outside and we’ll regroup and rethink our strategy.”
“No, I got this. I’ll find a way in.”
“How?”
Lexi eyed a handyman heading to the cluster of parked vans carrying two duffle bags only it wasn’t a man.
“Don’t go anywhere. I’ll call you back.”
“Lexi, wait—”
Lexi left the van barefoot. She didn’t make a noise, swiftly running on the balls of her feet over the parking lot concrete. Needing her hands free and without any pockets, she left the gun and phone behind. She closed in on the woman and threw her arms around for a chokehold. She easily locked the head and neck, then kicked the back of the woman’s knee so she fell into a kneeling position. This reduced the victim’s ability to fight back significantly. Within seconds, Lexi easily put her to sleep. There were keys in the woman’s hip pocket. Lexi used it to locate the van with a press of the unlock button on the key fob. A pair of taillights flashed a few vans down the row.
She had to move fast, first dragging the woman to the cargo bay and then grabbing the abandoned duffle bags from the street. In the cargo bay of the van, she laid her victim out. The woman looked to be in her early thirties, Hispanic, with an average build and her hair styled in a bun. She was a couple inches taller than Lexi’s slender 5’6 frame but her clothes would do. She wore tan, weathered coveralls, work boots, and a red “Downes Plumbing” cap. A badge on her breast pocket read “Inez.”
Lexi took off the tool belt and set it aside. She unzipped the coveralls and sat Inez up, pulled the sleeves down her limps arms, and dropped Inez with a thud so she could pull the coveralls down her legs. She stopped to unlace the heavy, brown work boots and pull those off. After she got the coveralls off, she didn’t bother with Inez’s undershirt or gray panties.
The size difference between the two women was apparent right away. The coveralls fit baggy. Lexi had planned to skip the socks but realized she needed anything to compensate for the boots being on the bigger side. She pulled the socks off and put them on before the boots. The hat was the only thing that fit well. Lexi hair was long on top (she could comb it past her eyes when wet) and short on the sides and back. Normally, she’d have her wig kit but this outing had veered off from normal a while ago. She’d left most her things in the car before following the handymen on foot and getting nabbed.
She snapped on the tool belt and found another .38 and more syringes. Besides the van keys, Inez had a cellphone on her. It was an identical model to the first handyman’s and Lexi realized these were probably company phones. Hopefully they weren’t tracked or monitored.
She dialed and spoke fast. “Don’t use any names.”
“Are you calling me from another number?”
“Yes.”
“How many phones — what’s going on there?”
“Obviously these are procured from the local staff. Don’t use any names.”
An awkward silence followed as both remembered their conversation on the first phone well enough.
“Get out of there. Let’s regroup,” he said, “The situation is fucked.”
“It’s not fudged. I’m still good. I have a weapon and a uniform.”
She could see the office building better from this van when she opened the cargo bay doors. A large, illuminated sign glowed on top of the building: Downes Plumbing Co.
“I heard them talking. She’s here. Meredith is here at the freaking headquarters.”
“What? Leave now, we’ll regroup and form a new plan.”
“I’m not missing this chance. I’m moving to Phase 3.”
“What is ‘Phase 3?’ There are no phases!”
“I’ll be in touch.”
They had been looking for Meredith with no information to go on until they got a tip that she was married to the man running the ‘plumbing’ business. They knew she helped run things with her expertise from her previous career. There were no public records to track. The names attached to the business probably weren’t the same they used in their private lives. They knew the location of Downes Plumbing but some investigating with former employees seemed to indicate no one knew who the Downeses were or if they even lived in the area. Even worse, they were only able to track and speak to employees of the legitimate end of Downes Plumbing, actual plumbers. They hadn’t run into the real workers until tonight.
Lexi had finally tracked the right van at the right time. The handymen had exchanged some cash, way too much cash, with another unmarked van in an alley. Lexi had fucked up and got apprehended and sedated at gunpoint. Fast-forward to now.
She was very familiar with the pre-loaded syringes they were using. The translucent blue toxin came from the manufacturer with a standard strength dose providing 30-60 minutes of unconsciousness. She had conditioned herself into a tolerance that lessened the effects considerably, particularly if she was being jostled around like one would in the back of a van with worn suspension.
The bright red syringes were lethal. Lexi had no backup plan if they had used those.
The duffle bags were full of cash. Lexi wasn’t interested in currency She took some zip ties from her belt and secured Inez’s wrist and ankles. She made sure to lock Inez’s wrists high and tight, unlike the handymen had done with Lexi’s. These guys either weren’t pros or they were but very sloppy. Her tool belt provided some duct tape and she used that to cover Inez’s mouth. Lexi didn’t just place a strip over the lips. She knew the correct to do it was to wrap it around the head completely and do a few laps over the mouth. For a woman, Lexi would usually get the hair out of the way and angle the tape so it was more on the neck and didn’t stick to a bunch of long hair. She was in a rush and didn’t waste the extra effort this time.
Lexi didn’t like the idea of the other van sitting in the loading bay. She ran over and got back into the cargo bay to get the keys from the dead handyman where she left them. Because of the partition, she had to climb out the back and enter from the driver side. She moved the van over to where the others were and parked it in a free spot at the end of the row.
On the passenger side was a garbage bag with her things. She’d have to abandon her clothes. She took her belongings; her phone, wallet, knife, and a subcompact 9mm. She had enough pockets on her coveralls and tool belt to stow these.
With the vans secured, she composed herself and headed inside through the loading bay. Almost all the doors were locked with a card reader. She had Inez’s badge in hand to help navigate the corridors. The loading dock led to the main hall and from there the main lobby and elevators. There was a directory and map displayed on a large TV. The admin offices were up top on the fourth floor. If there was anywhere to begin looking for Meredith it was the top floor.
While she rode the elevator up, Lexi prayed the top floor would not be crowded with employees or worse, armed guards. She braced herself but when the doors slid open she found herself staring into a field of office cubicles under fluorescent lights. There were maybe three workers at their computers. It was practically silent except for the hum of the ventilation system.
The main floor was packed with cubicles. The perimeter around them was lined with offices and Lexi began to take a lap. The office walls and their doors were all glass. None were open and most had their blinds drawn. She could tell they were vacant as the lights were off in pretty much every office, all but the office the in the corner. The glass for this one was blacked-out for privacy but she could see light seeping from underneath the closed door.
Lexi knocked. A woman called on the other end, “Come in.”
The large office was carpeted in a nicer, darker fabric than she’d seen anywhere else in the building. It was bathed in warm lighting rather than the garish fluorescent office bulbs. The wall opposite of the door was packed with binders and folders organized in bookcases. A large, black, steel cabinet was in the corner to Lexi’s left. An enormous executive desk made of rosy, glossy wood and trimmed with gold bordering commanded the center of the office. The exec chair accompanying it was styled the same and resembled a throne more than office furniture. Two guest chairs faced the desk, miniature clones of the exec throne but still very heavy in appearance.
Until now, Lexi hadn’t seen Meredith Downes in person and up close, just some old photographs. She was clearly in good health, looking younger than her 36 years would suggest. The old photos were from 7-10 years earlier yet the difference here was barely noticeable.
She wore a slim-fitted salmon suit sporting ankle pants with a short inseam to show off her white high heels. The jacket had a modern-style hem that sat just below the waist. Meredith’s wheat-colored hair was cut in a bob. She stood in front of her desk, thumbs and eyes busy with her phone.
“One moment.” She glanced up enough to see the familiar Downes Plumbing uniform before going back to her phone. She did a double take when she noticed something in her periphery. Lexi stood with a .38 revolver raised.
Meredith had a look of moderate concern on her face like she had just found out her Starbucks order had been botched. “Can I help you?”
“Give me the phone.”
The blonde exec simply held the phone out to Lexi. Lexi stepped forward to take it and backed up again out of arm’s reach.
“Take your clothes off.”
Meredith raised her eyebrows and stood frozen as if she could wait for Lexi to change her mind. Finally, she sighed, “Fine.”
She removed her blazer and laid it neatly on one of the guest chairs. She wore a white, flow-y, silk camisole underneath. She the undid her fly and let the ankle pants drop to the floor. Meredith stepped out of these.
“Do the rest, shoes too, you can keep the jewelry.”
“I’m not wearing a bra.”
“Are you really worried about that right now?”
Meredith shrugged with another sigh. She undid the ankle straps of her high heels and slid them off.
“Are those Jimmy Choos?” Lexi eyes lit up when she noticed the expensive pumps.
“Why, yes.”
“They’re really pretty.”
“Oh, thank you.” Meredith smiled.
The exec removed her camisole and laid it on top of the blazer. She wore silky bikini-cut underwear. She slid them down her hips casually and let them drop then pushed them next to her pants with her foot. Her breasts were a little larger than average, possibly enhanced. The surgeon did a good job if they were. They were tipped with cute, tan nipples that were a bit on the small side. Her pubic hair was neatly groomed and she was slightly bronzed; no tan lines, even all over, clearly the work of a salon.
On her left wrist was an expensive-looking gold watch. Her wedding ring sported a large glimmering rock. What put both items to shame was the extravagant gold curb necklace she wore that was textured with small diamonds.
She stood with her arm over her breasts and her other hand covering her sex. “Good?”
“You’re very calm. Do people often come in here and tell you to undress?”
“There are certain hazards in my line of work.”
“The plumbing business.”
Meredith smirked and waited a beat. “Yes…that.”
“I’ve been looking for you. You weren’t easy to find. I’m not exactly sure what this place is and I don’t really care but I know it’s not legal.”
“And how do you know that?”
“A couple of your employees just grabbed me off the street, took my clothes, and drugged me in a van. How’s that for starters?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about but I’m sure we can look into this. If our employees are participating in illegal activities on the premises using company property that will not be tolerated,” Meredith said in a tone that was almost mocking.
“What’s the passcode for your phone?”
“1515.”
Lexi made sure it worked and pocketed it. “Do you know the name Leonard Lockhart?”
Meredith eyes scanned the ceiling in thought for a moment. “It sounds familiar, yes.”
“Lucy Lockhart?”
Meredith raised her shoulders and gave a polite smile. “I think so?”
“This would be several years back before you married and got into the ‘plumbing’ business so let me refresh your memory. You worked for Mr. Lockhart. He trained you. When his business partner decided to take over his company you betrayed Mr. Lockhart along with several other supposedly trustworthy associates of his resulting in the deaths of Lockhart, his wife, his daughter, Lucy, and every employee that remained loyal to him. Does that sound familiar?”
“I had nothing to do with that.”
“I know about some your clients who definitely had something to do with it.”
“Then maybe you should talk to them first.”
“Trust me. I will.”
“I can get you in touch with them.”
“I’m sure you can.”
She walked around behind Meredith. “Keep your eyes forward.”
“How much money are you after? Using me for ransom is a waste of time. I can pay you now and save you the trouble. We keep a safe on the premises.”
“I’m not planning to use you for ransom. You’re a message.”
“What message?”
“That I’m just getting started and when they find your body, they’ll know I’m coming to do the same thing to them.”
“Wait!”
Lexi jabbed her fist against the nape of Meredith’s neck, injecting the bright red toxin from its syringe. Meredith dropped to her knees instantly and then her side. She thrashed about on the floor, gagging and spitting up foam. Lexi used her foot to nudge Meredith onto her back. The Downes Plumbing exec looked up at Lexi, pleading with wide, terrified eyes filling with tears. Meredith’s bare arms and legs slapped about on the carpeted floor. Her breasts heaved wildly while she convulsed. This lasted for a little over a minute before Meredith settled down. She let out a few final moans and her body remained twitching gently. The shocked expression was frozen on her mascara-streaked face. Foam and drool trailed the corners of her mouth.
In a few more minutes Meredith would be fully gone. A quick pulse check showed she was still there but Lexi knew Meredith was all but done. Even teleporting Meredith to a hospital, diagnosing her quickly and correctly, and administering the anti-toxin would at best leave her in a vegetative state with permanent brain damage. Might as well start now, Lexi thought.
She had locked the door when she entered and checked it just to be sure before heading to the desk for Meredith’s belongings. There was a laptop with a shoulder bag, a black leather clutch, and some paperwork. She opened Meredith’s clutch and found a ring of office keys that included one for the cabinet in the corner and the key fob for the BMW. Lexi went for the cabinet, it looked industrial and out of place with the rest of the office. Inside was neatly arranged with stacks of cash and binders as well as a 9mm auto with some magazines. Lexi knew what she going to do right away.
Without her gear, Lexi didn’t have her bungee cords. She had plenty of zip ties to improvise. They weren’t Lexi aesthetic preference but they would be fine substitutes. There was a rag on her tool belt. She used it to clean the foam from Meredith’s face and sat the twitching body upright. She cuffed Meredith’s hands and then made a chain of zip ties long enough to reach Meredith’s neck. She removed the curb necklace and set it aside. She replaced it with a zip tie tightened around Meredith’s neck like a choker. She linked this with the ‘chain’ coming from Meredith’s wrists so that it tugged back like a leash on a collar. This ensured her head was somewhat straight in her limp form. She dragged the body back and sat her up against the desk. Meredith legs were then spread out like she was attempting to do the splits. Lexi positioned the two guest chairs wide apart and zip-tied one of Meredith’s spread ankles to each to lock the pose down.
From the cabinet, Lexi took a stack of hundred-dollar bills. Meredith’s face was still in the same wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression. Lexi crumpled and stuffed single bills into Meredith’s stretched maw until they blossomed out like a rose. There was still some physical feedback left in the system. Meredith made a chocking sound while her airflow was disrupted but her eyes remained vacant and unfocused. There was a lipstick tube in the clutch. Lexi popped it and scrawled ‘TRAITOR’ along the underside of Meredith’s collarbone, just above her breasts.
Satisfied with the composition she had arranged, Lexi took out her own phone for a photo. The symmetry with the desk, the chairs, and Meredith’s spread-legged body was almost perfect. Meredith would be the first official entry in Lexi scrapbook. Despite some hiccups, the outcome had been just what Lexi planned.
Quickly, Lexi kicked off the oversized boots and removed her socks. She unloaded everything she planned to take with her from the tool belt onto the desk and tossed the belt to the side. Unsurprisingly, the pants fabric was incredibly soft and light. Lexi examined it a second before slipping them on. Lexi bra was strapless and would not clash with the stringy camisole. Her B-cup breasts were smaller than Meredith’s but the shirt fit fine, its cool silk texture a welcome change from the coveralls. She got the jacket on and went for the shoes.
She’d seen them before but would never splurge on the one-thousand-plus-dollar shoes. They were beautiful: Italian, leather soles, opened-toe, and topped with a sparkly diamond charm on the ankle strap. They fit her perfectly. She finished the outfit by putting on the amazing gold necklace lying near Meredith’s body. She didn’t bother with the watch or wedding ring.
On the desk, Lexi swept everything into Meredith’s laptop bag. Besides what she had procured so far, and her own items, she collected a bunch of papers, a planner, and a couple of binders. She took a final look around before grabbing the bag and clutch. Satisfied, she shut the lights off and locked the office up.
Lexi strolled out in high spirits, laptop bag over her shoulder and the Downes cap still on to help hide her hair. The few cubicle workers paid her no mind as she went to elevator. She froze when the doors opened. A man was inside wearing a suit and tie reading the contents of a binder. Lexi looked down, lowering the brim of the hat, and tried not to be obvious about it. She itched at her nose. The man glanced up only for a second to give a quick smile before looking back at the binder and saying, “Heading home, Mrs. Downes?”
“Mm-hm,” Lexi mumbled.
“Have a good night.” He walked past her and into the cubicle farm.
“Uh-huh.”
After catching her breath in the elevator, she exited at the basement level and entered a small parking garage. There were only a few cars but it could’ve been packed and Lexi would still be able to spot Meredith’s BMW. It was an 8 Series sedan in bronze orange, pristine and glossy like it had just been come off the dealership lot. Lexi realized her jaw was hanging open when she caught her reflection in the tinted windows. She unlocked
“Nice car, Meredith,” Lexi gushed while she gripped the steering wheel and ran her hand over the leather fittings.
It took a few moments to familiarize herself with the controls (the ones not involved with the mechanical operation of the vehicle) and savor the luxury interior. When she was ready, she hit the start button and headed for the ramp leading out.
The security gate where she came in was closed. The guard simply stepped out, spotted the BMW, waved, and opened the gate. Despite how things had started, Lexi could not have hoped for a cleaner getaway.
After she was far enough from Downes Plumbing, she pulled under an overpass and took her phone out. They had set up a private app shared on their phones. Lexi opened it, entered a passcode, and was connected with the secure line.
“Nigel, Meredith is taken care of. Meet me at the end of the parkway where it intersects with Seneca. There’s an overpass there.”
“Give me ten minutes. I’m already on the way.”
Shortly after, a plain Ford sedan pulled up. Nigel had four of five ‘burner’ cars he used. Lexi had seen this one often. There wasn’t time to chat. She handed over the laptop bag and Meredith’s phone.
“Back up everything before you destroy it.”
“As always.”
“Ahem.”
“What?”
“I’m taking the BMW. You’re taking this car.”
“Can’t we keep it and scrub it and change the plates?”
“Too risky, Lexi.”
“Oh, poop.” Lexi handed the keys over. “I’m keeping the clothes.”
“But of course. That is a stunning necklace.”
“Do you like it? It’s a little gift from Meredith.” Lexi tilted her head and stretched her neck to show it off.
“How nice of her.”
They said their goodbyes and Lexi took the boring Ford back to her apartment in the city.
***
The curtains were yanked wide and the room exploded with sunlight.
Lexi instinctively took cover under her duvet. “What the heck, man!”
“Time to work,” a voice, British.
“Nigel, it’s too early for work.”
“It’s two PM. Get dressed. I brought groceries and coffee.”
Nigel was a very tall man with the silhouette of a giant steel door. His hair was mostly gray and he had the same thick mustache since Lexi was 10. Despite his build and his square jaw, he spoke with a light, soft voice that could have won him a gold medal in the audiobook Olympics. He wore a thick wool sweater that matched his black slacks.
“I should have never given you a key to this place,” Lexi grumbled as she moped in with fluffy slippers and a giant “Jonas Brothers” t-shirt that hung to her knees.
“You know I don’t need a key to get into anywhere. Drink.” Nigel placed a lidded coffee shop cup on the breakfast table.
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“Because I had to toss my old mobile and stakeout my own house for the last three days to make sure no one came looking for me.”
Lexi winced to herself. “Sorry again about that.”
“No worries. I was due for an upgrade and I quite like the new Google model.”
“I’m all about the Steve Jobs Posse, ride or die.”
Nigel set down two plates of eggs and bacon as well as grapefruit halves. He took a seat across from Lexi. “My tech man finished with the laptop yesterday. Meredith’s phone too.”
“And?”
“It’s promising.”
“Do you have any sugar for the coffee?”
“I assumed there’d be some here. I don’t know why. All that was in your fridge was a single yogurt and a beer can, which was an improvement from last time when I all I found were two double A batteries.”
“They last longer if you put them in there.” Lexi sipped her coffee plain. “What did your guy dig up? Any cool secrets?”
“We’ll go over that but first, I have two leads: Constance Delpy and India Adams. Constance is a trainer in LA. India is a security consultant in San Francisco. ”
Lexi knew who she wanted to see first.
“No news on Meredith Downes, meaning they likely are handling the death within the company: no police,” Nigel said.
“You think we got their attention?”
“No way to be sure but they will definitely know something is strange once we take care of Constance and India. They keep tabs on all of their assets, current and former. They’ll see the pattern soon enough.”
Lexi told Nigel all about the previous night’s botched operation. They’d been tailing vans almost every night and coming up with nothing. The routine was that Lexi would only call Nigel once she found something. She gave him all of the details from her capture to Meredith Downes’s demise.
Nigel looked at the picture of Meredith on Lexi’s phone for just a moment before handing it back with disinterest. “Even though I was friends with your father for years, he never discussed the business he managed with your mother. I had some idea but I didn’t know about all of this until after he died. I may not completely understand it all but I’ll do whatever I can to help. Just be more careful next time.”
“I will. I appreciate it, Nigel.”
“So, who’s next?”
“We visit Constance first. She and my sister were close.”
“I’ll begin our preparations.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
End of Chapter. Next Chapter: Workout Session
Last edited by btl-special on Thu Jun 11, 2020 2:29 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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rufusluciusivan
- Posts: 1230
- Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2017 5:08 pm
Re: Lexi Lockhart
First of all, welcome on the board!
Personally, I'm not a fan of lethal takedowns at all when it comes to uniform stealing, so when it comes to the uniform stealings in this story it goes without saying that I only appreciated the part with Inez. But here I'm just talking about personal taste. Lexi's ruthlessness has a in-story justification, due to her quest for revenge. Showing her react differently depending on whom she's dealing with is interesting and can be interesting in future installments; especially if in her quest she has to mug people who aren't working for the organization she has a vendetta against, it would be interesting to see how she reacts.
Lexi herself is certainly a more ruthless type of protagonist than in other stories, but still very efficient and her backstory sets her apart from other stories I've read here. I think learning more about her backstory, her lost relatives, and her revenge quest will help flesh her out.
Story-wise, this seems pretty solid. Revenge story on the background of human trafficking. I admit that I'm interested to learn more about the plot. I'm no English-expert, but the writing style seems very good to me, and the descriptions are well-detailed.
Personally, I'm not a fan of lethal takedowns at all when it comes to uniform stealing, so when it comes to the uniform stealings in this story it goes without saying that I only appreciated the part with Inez. But here I'm just talking about personal taste. Lexi's ruthlessness has a in-story justification, due to her quest for revenge. Showing her react differently depending on whom she's dealing with is interesting and can be interesting in future installments; especially if in her quest she has to mug people who aren't working for the organization she has a vendetta against, it would be interesting to see how she reacts.
Lexi herself is certainly a more ruthless type of protagonist than in other stories, but still very efficient and her backstory sets her apart from other stories I've read here. I think learning more about her backstory, her lost relatives, and her revenge quest will help flesh her out.
Story-wise, this seems pretty solid. Revenge story on the background of human trafficking. I admit that I'm interested to learn more about the plot. I'm no English-expert, but the writing style seems very good to me, and the descriptions are well-detailed.
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esercito sconfitto
- Posts: 7166
- Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 12:06 pm
Re: Lexi Lockhart
1)again , welcome on Board Mr.Btl-special
2)I took the liberty of editing the title by replacing it with your "WIP" title- hope you don't mind, feel free to re-title it with the final choise
3) wow a lot of male characters... but I am fine with this , as far as the heroine ( or villainess?) Lexi keeps knocking and stripping other women
4) I have build up your own space at the stories section... now, to fill it is up to you
5)just a personal plea...I am Christian, please -if you can- don't take the name of the Lord in vain
6) wow , did I say it's a wonderful start?
7) you are a writer. I assume this wasn't your first rodeo
8) err...no possibility to have handball girls, cheerleaders as uniforms donors? no, just kidding
2)I took the liberty of editing the title by replacing it with your "WIP" title- hope you don't mind, feel free to re-title it with the final choise
3) wow a lot of male characters... but I am fine with this , as far as the heroine ( or villainess?) Lexi keeps knocking and stripping other women
4) I have build up your own space at the stories section... now, to fill it is up to you
5)just a personal plea...I am Christian, please -if you can- don't take the name of the Lord in vain
6) wow , did I say it's a wonderful start?
7) you are a writer. I assume this wasn't your first rodeo
8) err...no possibility to have handball girls, cheerleaders as uniforms donors? no, just kidding
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btl-special
- Posts: 16
- Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2020 5:51 am
Re: Lexi Lockhart
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and share your opinions. I 100% understand regarding differences in taste. As I said, I appreciate any feedback.rufusluciusivan wrote:First of all, welcome on the board!
Personally, I'm not a fan of lethal takedowns at all when it comes to uniform stealing, so when it comes to the uniform stealings in this story it goes without saying that I only appreciated the part with Inez. But here I'm just talking about personal taste. Lexi's ruthlessness has a in-story justification, due to her quest for revenge. Showing her react differently depending on whom she's dealing with is interesting and can be interesting in future installments; especially if in her quest she has to mug people who aren't working for the organization she has a vendetta against, it would be interesting to see how she reacts.
Lexi herself is certainly a more ruthless type of protagonist than in other stories, but still very efficient and her backstory sets her apart from other stories I've read here. I think learning more about her backstory, her lost relatives, and her revenge quest will help flesh her out.
Story-wise, this seems pretty solid. Revenge story on the background of human trafficking. I admit that I'm interested to learn more about the plot. I'm no English-expert, but the writing style seems very good to me, and the descriptions are well-detailed.
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btl-special
- Posts: 16
- Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2020 5:51 am
Re: Lexi Lockhart
2) I don't mind at all. Thanks for doing that.esercito sconfitto wrote:1)again , welcome on Board Mr.Btl-special
2)I took the liberty of editing the title by replacing it with your "WIP" title- hope you don't mind, feel free to re-title it with the final choise
3) wow a lot of male characters... but I am fine with this , as far as the heroine ( or villainess?) Lexi keeps knocking and stripping other women
4) I have build up your own space at the stories section... now, to fill it is up to you
5)just a personal plea...I am Christian, please -if you can- don't take the name of the Lord in vain
6) wow , did I say it's a wonderful start?
7) you are a writer. I assume this wasn't your first rodeo
8) err...no possibility to have handball girls, cheerleaders as uniforms donors? no, just kidding
3) Later chapters will even things up for sure.
4) Will try my best. I'm on lockdown here like most of the world so I have ample free time.
5) I can't promise I won't occasionally do it by mistake but I respect your comment and it's easy enough for me to write around.
6) + 7) Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I write little excerpts of things I have in my head but nothing complete or resembling a coherent story. Of course, I read a lot and that kind of serves as a passive writing practice tool.
8) Maybe not exactly but things will diversify a bit moving forward.