Revenge at Gilligan's Island

[esercito sconfitto]

Revenge at Gilligan's Island--Part I

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-It was early morning on Gilligan's Island when a boat anchored, just out of sight of the most trafficked area of the island. Two figures swam from the boat, climbed up a hill and came into a area thick with coconut trees. It looked like Mr. Thurston Howell III, the multimillionaire, and Ginger Grant, the luscious movie star. But it wasn't. It was their lookalikes, Sky Manley and Eva Grubb, both of whom had been on the island before, although at separate times.

They had met in Hollywood just two weeks before. Sky came into the strip club where Eva was performing. The act's theme was movie star look-alikes. She was Ginger Grant's, and there were lookalikes of Marilyn Monroe, Anne Bancroft, and Linda Evans also performing. He wore dark glasses as he watched her strip. When she had finished and walked to the bar with a imitation silk-jackey on her shoulders and wearing a g-string and pasties on her breasts, Sky introduced himself.

"Do you recognize me," he said, raising his dark glasses.

"Mr. Howell? How did you get here?"

"No. I just look like him."

"Oh, I remember. You impersonated him, got away with it for a while, and then when they found you out you disappeared."

"And ended up on the island where Howell and the others are and impersonated him there for a while. Knocked him out and switched clothes with him. But they found me out too and I barely got away with my life. I hear you did the same thing with Ginger Grant and started making one of her films--"

"But they found me out too. Buy me a drink, Mister."

At the bar, Sky told her, "You see, my problem was I didn't have enough time to think, since I washed up on the island and just took advantage of the opportunity. What I should have done was keep him unconscious rather than have him pop up and play himself better than I could. And your mistake was trying to play both youself and Ginger after you knocked her out and tied her up. What you should have done was change clothes with her, tie her out or, better yet, keep her unconscious, impersonate just her, and say Eva had left a note telling you all to go on without her."

"Yep, that's what I should have done."

"How did they catch you when you left the island and went to Hollywood."

"Ya see, I wear glasses, Ginger doesn't. So I wore contact lenses, but when they started filming my lenses caught reflections from the lights. Since they knew Ginger didn't wear contact lenses, that's when it started to unravel. But what good is talking about it. Nobody would believe us if we tried to impersonate them again--"

"Not here," Sky said. "But what if we both went to the island, brought a boat to rescue them, changed places with Howell and Ginger, and came back with the others. Nobody would have any cause to suspect we weren't the real ones. And when we get back, I divorce his wife and you and I become an item, with me producing your pictures. We will back each other up. That's the payoff. I even tracked down a Russian agent who was Gilligan's lookalike to ask him to join us, thinking the more the better. But you know the Russians. Wasn't interested in cooperating. But we can fo it--just you and me."

And so they arrived at the island in their rented boat, he in bathing trucks, she in a bikini. "First we have to find Howell," Sky said.

They walked toward the encampment and saw Mr. Howell sitting alone on a louge chair reading a book. "Can you beat this," Sky said. "That's exactly what he was doing when I knocked him out the last time. No imagination." He picked up a coconut, crept up behind him, and conked Mr. Howell from behind. He fell back, his mouth open, and Sky then hauled him up and dragged him deep into the woods, deeper than he had before, and lay him down on the ground.

"Keep a lookout," he told Eva as he slipped off his truncks and threw them into the woods. He then knelt down and slipped off Mr. Howell's sweater and then unbuttoned his shirt. "Deja Vu, Thurtson. Although you look like you've lost some weight.. You look good," he said as he unzipped his pants and pulled them off and his monogramed shorts, leaving him naked. "Only this time, I am going keep you out, old chum," he said as he took a syringe he had taped to his wrist and jabbed it into Mr. Howell's thigh. Then he dressed in Mr. Howell's clothes, pulled off his gold wedding ring and Rolex watch and put them on, and dragged him to a boulder and propped the naked millionaire against it. "But to show you there's no ill will, I am going to leave you here naked with a naked movie star. So everything's not all bad," he said, patting Howell's belly.

He caught up with Eva. "Okay. Let's find Ginger." They walked out of the trees and saw Ginger walking and talking to Mary Ann. Ginger was wearing her usual long dress made out of a ship's sail and Mary Ann was in her usual tight shorts and bare midriff top. "Damn it," Sky said. "You'll have to take out Mary Ann first. I'll distract Ginger."

As Sky came out shouting "Ginger! Ginger!", Eva circled around them. Ginger, hearing her name called, moved forward first, Mary Ann held back a beat, giving Eva time to sneak up behind her and conk her on the head with a coconut. Mary Ann's eyes glazed and she tipsily fell forward and lay face down in the dirt. Eva looked down at the petite maiden, packed as tight as ciould be in her clothes, and said to herself admiringly, "She could strip."

Sky was talking to Ginger, pretending to be Mr. Howell, and Eva crept up behind her and banged the coconut against the back of her head. Ginger toppled sideways. Eva approached her from the back, Sky picked up her bare feet, and together they carried her back to where Mr. Howell was, laying her down a short distance apart. "Now you keep lookout," Eva told Sky, who obediently ran out and watched for comers.

Eva looked down at Ginger, tall and thin, her fluffed, auburn hair, loosened by the activity, spread around her shoulders. Eva undid her bikini top and pulled off her brief, then hauled Ginger up into a sitting position and pulled her dress down each shoulder and down to her waist. Easing her back to the ground, Eva pulled the dress down Ginger's long legs and off her. She then knelt down on both knees and behld Ginger naked, somthing she had never seen before. "You are still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Ginger," she said, rubbing the movie star's belly. "But then, since I look exactly like you, so am I." She pulled off the syrine Sky had taped to her wrist and jabbed it into Giner's right thigh. The sleeping Ginger winched a bit and then fell into a deeper sleep. Eva put on Ginger's dress and took the hoop earrings from her ears and put them on and then dragged Ginger to where Mr. Howell was and placed her next to him, putting her head on his shoulder.

Seeing that she was done, Sky joined her and they looked at the sleeping and naked pair, both with their mouths open. "They look like Adam and Eve," Sky said, and tomorrow, after we leave them here, this place will be the Garden of Eden."

"Good for him, but not so good for her," Eva said.

"Oh, I don't know. Look at the size of his mandrake," Sky said, pointing to Howell's privates. Eva nodded in appreciation. "The man who sold me the stuff said it would keep them out for 48 hours. At which time we will be back in Honolulu with our fellow castaways. Come on, let's mingle with the others. I may have to lead these idiots to the boat."

"I have to pick up Mary Ann. I'll meet you there," Eva said. She ran over to where Mary Ann was still lying and pulled her up. "Mary Ann! Mary Ann! You fell and hit your head." Mary Ann's eyes fluttered open. Just then, there were shouts of, "A boat! A boat!" "You hear that," Eva told Mary Ann in Ginger's voice. "It sounds like good news!" As she and Mary Ann left the area, Eva turned back and caught a glimpse of Mr. Howell and Ginger, sleeping together.


Revenge at Gilligan's Island--Part II

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The castaways celebrated the discovery of the boat and planned to meet outside their huts at six the next morning to leave for the mainland.

In the hut she shared with Mary Ann, Eva undressed and wrapped a blanket around her for a nightdress just as she had seen Ginger do on the two nights she had stayed with Ginger and Mary Ann two years before. She got into her bed. Mary Ann walked in wearing the man's shirt that came down to her thighs that she always wore to bed. But rather than going to her own bed she walked up to Ginger's. She unbuttoned her shirt and let it fall, standing her naked before an astonished Eva. Then she started to get in to Ginger's bed. "It's our last night together, my darling,' Mary Ann said, climbing on top of Eva and kissing her hard on the mouth. "Let's make it special."

In the Howell's cabin, Sky was in Mr. Howell's bed when his wife Lovey walked up to him naked and climbed in beisde him, "I have so loved our passionate lovemaking these eight years, Thurston and dread going back to snoopy servants and noisy neighbors. Ah well. At least we have tonight," she said, ripping open his pajama top and tearing at the bottoms.

At around four o'clock in the morning, Mary Ann started calling out from outside the huts, telling eveyone to wake up. The Skipper, Gilligan, and the Professor came out and found her standing there, her shirt misbuttoned so that one side was longer than the other, and propping up Eva, out like a light, her mouth open, the blanket loosely aroung her. "This is not Ginger! This is Eva Grubb!" Mary Ann shouted.

"How to you know?" The Professor asked.

"I just know!" she said evasively.

"Why is she unconscious?"

"I dunno. She fainted--or something," Mary Ann said, letting go of Eva so that she fell flat on her back.

Just then, Mrs. Howell came in dragging an unconscious Sky by the neck of his pajama top. "And this is not my husband. It is that imposter!"

"What happened to him, Mr. Howell?": Gilligan asked.

"He fainted. He did not have my Thurston's endurance or equipment." Mary Ann nodded in agreement, pointing down at Eva, shouting, "And neither did she," while Mrs. Howell let Sky fall back.

"Well," said the Professor. "If these two aren't Mr. Howell and Ginger, then the real ones must be out there somewher." He took a torch and ran into the night followed by the Skipper and Gilligan.

Mary Ann started to follow when Eva moaned and began to try and get up. Mary Ann found a rock the size of her hand and bonked Eva with it. The imposter fell back down like a rag doll. "I think she hit me on the head this afternoon," Mary Ann told Mrs. Howell. Then Sky moaned and started to get up. Mary Ann handed Mrs. Howell her rock and she banged Sky back down. As she left, Mary Ann pulled the blanket off Eva, thinking she woujld need it.

Gilligan quickly found Ginger and Mr. Howell. Catching up and seeing Ginger naked, Mary Ann ran forward and covered her with the blanket. Mrs. Howell joined them and cried out at the sight of Ginger and her husband naked together. The professor took off his shirt and ran to cover Mr. Howell. Looking up from Ginger and seeing the Professor naked to the waist for the first time since they were shipwrecked, marvelling at his muscled torso, Mary Ann mused that if she had seen him like that before she might not have gone gay with Ginger. Ah well.

Gilligan found Sky's bathing trunks and Eva's bikini. The professor walked back to the camp with them and and squatted down next to Sky and Eva. "And so you thought you could take their places and we wouldn't notice! You have no idea how we've been living here, and how our living in the wilds has affected our sexual roles, tastes, and appetites. Mary Ann and Ginger. Mr. and Mrs. Howell. Why even the Skipper, Gilligan and I--well, never mind." He had felt something in Sky's trunks and took out his two backup syringes. He jabbed one in Sky's side and then, with disinterest in her nakedness, did the same for Eva. "I think we'll be safer if you are out of commission," the Professor said.

The next day, leaving a little later than planned, a somewhat crowded boat left Gilligan's Island. Gilligan and the Skipper were at the wheel up front. Mary Ann and Ginger, redressed in her white dress, were seated next to Mrs. Howell and her sleeping husband, now fully dressed, in the first
row of seats. Mary Ann patted Ginger's knee, pulled the hem of the dress up to do so, and even cupped her hand on her sleeping friend's breast, not caring who saw. "Now that I have saved her life, I bet she'll take me to Hollywood with her," Mary Ann thought to herself. Meanwhile, Mrs. Howell was thinking, "As soon as we get back, I will divorce him. I will never forget the sight of him naked next to that next harlot!" In the row behind them, their hands and feet tied, Sky and Eva leaned against each other, sleeping, he in his trunks, and she in her bikini. The professor sat in a tiny space in the rear.

As they approached Hawaii, Mary Ann thought to herself, "It's funny that Ginger and Mr. Howell both had lookalikes. I've never told anyone that I have a twin sister in a mental institution in Kansas."

The castaways arrived in Honolulu and three days later were at a celebration in Chicago. Mary Ann went into the ladies room and didn't see creeping up behind her a woman in a black dress. She covered Mary Ann's mouth with a cloth full of chloroform. As Mary Ann struggled and her eyes roamed to the mirror, she saw the woman was her twin sister Patty, a crazed gleam in her eyes.

Mary Ann passed out, and Patty dragged her into a storage closet where she had hidden a wheelchair. She stripped Mary Ann, put on her clothes, and then covered Mary Ann in her own loose-fitting black dress. She then hauled Mary Ann into the chair, put dark glasses and a hat on her, and wheeled her out to the hallway where a confederate took the chair, brought Mary Ann to the airport, flew with her to Kansas and brought her to the mental institution from which Patty had escaped. The next day, Mary Ann's insistence that she was not her sister and was instead one of the castaways and the lover of a movie star only affirmed her delusions to the doctors.

And so of the seven castaways, in spite of impersonators trying to replace two of them, only one was replaced, and she by a twin we didn't know about.

Or were there two replacements after all?

Back on the island, after Gilligan found Sky's trunks and Eva's bikini and gave them to the professor, he was hit from behind, fell back into the arms of his assailant, and dragged deep into the woods into a clearing lit by the moon. His attacker grinned looking down on the unconscious Gilligan. "You remember me? From the Soviet Union? The capitalist millionaire and his hooker wanted me to join in with them, but I preferred to sit back and watch. And it is a good thing I did. They got caught and gave me the chance to get you."

Gilligan's double, Ivan, removed his scuba gear and suit and threw them into the woods. He hauled Gilligan into a sitting position and removed his white hat, red top, and undershirt and then dropped him back to unzip him, pull down his pants and shorts, and remove his shoes. Quickly he dressed himself and then, grinning, took a plastic bag that had been taped to his wrist and produced from it a surgical mask that had been treated with chloroform and a glass bottle. He first took the bottle and spread its contents on his hands, which he then wiped on Gilligan's face and chest. "This is, how you say, a favor. The scientists in my country developed this to protect our soldiers in the icy regions. Given the circumstances, I thought it would help you." He then took the surgical mask and put it around Gilligan's nose and mouth. Gilligan struggled a bit but soon fell back. "The chloroform will dry up in a few days," he said, patting Gilligan's bare belly.

And so there were two imposters among the castaways of Gilligan's Island: one Soviet spy and one homicidal maniac.

Back in the United States, Ginger did take Patty to Hollywood, where she quickly disappeared, her insanity blending in well with that environment.

On the day, Ivan was meeting President Nixon at the White House, Gilligan finally woke up. He removed the mask and saw that he was naked and alone. He ran from hut to hut and saw that all his clothes were gone. He looked up to the sky and shouted, "HELP!!!!" Interestingly enough, the lotion that Ivan spread on Gilligan's face and chest caused his beard and hair to grow long. Soon, he was no longer naked and became the old man of the mountain on Gilligan's Island.

In Kansas, one day when they brought Mary Ann her dinner in the mental institution and undid her straight jacket so that she could eat, she saw that the nurse was the same size as she and tried to remember what the Professor had told her about being able to start an explosion strong enough to break through an eight-foot wall with the cement scraped from a wall, melted plastic, and mashed potatoes.