Volume 4A: Sisters in Arms

tirepanted3
Posts: 1934
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 11:40 am

Re: Sisters in Arms

Post by tirepanted3 »

Esercito: I couldn't resist a little tease at the end. Something to look forward to next year. ;)

Trackman: Olive was always intended to be less of a USB obsessive than Bianca. Part of the idea to make her a working mother is that she's a little more concerned with her personal life, and so doesn't quite adjust to danger as much (though of course she still has a taste for adventure).

Vonda is more of a work in progress, as you note, since she starts out as a USB novice and becomes more adjusted to it by the end of the story. I feel like I've used this "paradigm" on several former victim characters, so I wanted to spotlight one of them in detail as she goes from victim to victor.

Toshiko's comment about the flight suit fitting perfectly is a subtle comment about how she's finally growing comfortable with who she is, even if she's wearing a stolen set of clothes. A lot of this story has been about exploring Toshiko's identity - she was a villain for a long time, can she change? The monologue she delivers to poor Candice is a way of a balanced answer: Toshiko is still not a good person, but she's beginning to show the capacity to change.

You are probably Sloane's biggest fan, and there's nothing wrong with that. :) I'm happy she struck a chord. The little whistling moment is a way of showing how capable she is at deducing suspicious activity around her (even though she was defeated in the end).

I know I said at the beginning of this story that it didn't tie in much with the larger arc, but I couldn't resist adding that epilogue. I like tying everything together when I can (and I wanted a little excuse to use the "lesbian" joke scene with the supply closet).

The next story - Volume 5 of the series - will hopefully kick off in January, and include many of the main characters from the earlier volumes. Glad you liked this little side-venture. :)
rufusluciusivan
Posts: 1225
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2017 5:08 pm

Re: Sisters in Arms

Post by rufusluciusivan »

This end review will probably be shorter than usual, I don't think I have much interesting things to say this time.

As always, the usual strengths of your stories are here: good pace, GOOD lines, descriptions of the appearances and the aftermath for almost each woman, and the satisfaction to see storylines collide.
I'll just quote my favorite exchange to keep this part short (though I could also have quoted Chandra's and Sonja's conversation; just love how these people casually discuss the choices of undergarments of the women they mug):
"She could use a few style tips," Vonda remarked.

"Maybe she just likes to keep things simple," Bianca responded. "Not everyone goes for the colorful stuff."
Of course, the most interesting part of this specific story was the different perspectives of the characters about uniform stealings and the discussions about the morality of the practice. This last part kept the theme with Olive's decision to stop stealing uniforms.

I won't be original and say that the final conversation between Atsuko, Toshiko, and Carolyn was the highlight of this ending. Good job especially at humanizing Toshiko between her heartfelt monologue to Candice and her 'reconciliation' with her sister and Carolyn, and I wonder what path she will choose.

Perhaps Carolyn became a little too quickly more okay with Toshiko stealing clothes and hurting other people, but that's just nitpicking. She was one of the highlights of the story.

"And they had done so much more..." -> I'll smile slyly but keep silent. ;)
Vonda could hear the sounds of punching and a few muffled grunts of pain from within.
The off-screen muggings are still a delight. And gotta love the classic use of toilet stalls to neutralize and/or stash the victims; complete with working the locks into the occupied position.

Nothing much to say about the uniform stealings of this part: as solid as always. Always nice when you make references to previous parts such as with the two air traffic controllers.

Also, is it me or is Adelaide uncounted for in this last part?

The epilogue is a good teaser for the next part. Till January, then! ;)
tirepanted3
Posts: 1934
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 11:40 am

Re: Sisters in Arms

Post by tirepanted3 »

That's fine, a shorter story invites a shorter review. :)

The discussions about the underwear are another way for developing character in the stories - some of the muggers are more interested in their victims' style than others. I like to think that ties in with the greater themes about different characters having different viewpoints about uniform stealing.

I loved writing the Toshiko/Atsuko/Carolyn scenes and developing these women beyond their initial personalities, so I'm glad they left an impression. The way I see it, Carolyn is still not perfectly okay with Toshiko's tactics, but she's come to respect Toshiko a little more as a person, and is also willing to go the extra mile if it makes Atsuko happy.

Adelaide isn't in the last part, mostly because she wasn't meant to be the main focus of the story. I mostly included her here because her scenes with Carolyn and Toshiko were crucial to their character arcs. Once those were done, I decided to give Adelaide a heroic sendoff in the previous part and let the other characters carry the story from there. But Adelaide is always poking her nose in new places, so I'm sure we'll see her again. ;)

Yes, that teaser at the end will hopefully keep people on their toes till January. I am already drafting the outline of Volume 5, but I may not start writing the actual story till after the holidays. Seasons greetings, all. :)
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