Chapter 35: From Hong Kong With Love

[tirepanted3]

Quite a long and detailed chapter, and I must say I'm impressed by how you're able to write so many chapters so quickly. Great job there.

The opening scene was delightful - from the sly opening narration ("the mayor’s daughter really does have a lot to learn when dealing with infiltrators") to the takedowns of the individual sentries, one by one (or two by two) - set a great tone for the chapter. It really showed how well the sisters work together, knocking out multiple sentries in a variety of fashions without missing a beat. And of course, offscreen muggings are always a thrill.

Also quite rare to see some stewardesses show up and retain their uniforms.

Certainly did not expect cowgirls to be mugged in a story taking place in Hong Kong, but that was a nice surprise. I like the detail of their Southern accents, and the synchronized takedowns were again very well done.

The use of waitresses in cheongsam dresses was an inspired choice, and the way Tinker lures them to the alley recalled a similar (great) manga scene from Dirty Pair. I admit I was unfamiliar with cheongsam dresses before Cuccut posted that link to a pic on his DA page. Great use of disguise, even if as Rufus says, the way the sisters were able to pass themselves off as Asian waitresses was a bit implausible.

I'm going to be a bit more critical of the sex slave scenes, which I did think were a bit too disturbing for the story (not that this sort of content is ever not disturbing in any context). I know that was the intent, but it really did feel a bit jarring compared to the usual lightheartedness of your stories, to the point that it kind of pulled me out of the narrative. I know you've done dark chapters in the past, and sometimes quite well, but here the light scenes and the dark scenes just didn't mesh well for me, and it kind of jarred me out of the last third of the chapter.

Still, there was certainly a lot of good stuff here. As I said, I liked the group dynamic and the USB scenes. I don't think the tonal whiplash worked very well. But I'm eager to see how Shen is (hopefully) defeated in the next chapter

[Trackman281]

Tirepanted - I was originally going to make this into a trilogy and kind of nickname it the "Golden Tiger Trilogy". But when I finished writing this chapter, I thought I had made it four posts long, but as you saw, it was only two, so I might be able to squeeze it all into the next part.

Thank you, although at times even I don't know how I write so quickly, I guess I just find it hard to stop when I start haha.

Oh yeah, the mayor's daughter is a massive imbecile, even now, after all this time she still does, stupid things, like putting her plane in a dark(ish) airport surrounded by plenty of hiding locations and she still only hires exact numbers of security guards.......*sigh*.......i'd say she'd learn, but she's far too stubborn and far too arrogant to ever learn.......But that's fine, it's just means the sisters will keep on taking advantage of her stupidity.

Hahaha, I was tempted to have them replace the stewardesses too, but then I thought I might write myself into a corner and make the scene more complicated than what it needed to be, so I went against it.

This was an introduction to them as these "cowgirls" are actually part of a much larger gang, who will be properly seen in a future chapter, whilst I haven't really got anything concrete yet, I will say this.........The cowgirl gang (real name will be added when I think of one) are in control of several oil pipelines and are deliberately hiking the prices in several towns to fill their own pockets........Their leader is a bit different, her name is Josephine Seed (kudos to anyone who gets the reference), her entire gang will view her as a type of prophet / preacher and I'm hoping it will just be a fun and wacky experience, when I actually go to write it.........But that's for another day.

As I said to Rufus, I genuinely am truly SORRY for that, as believe me when I say, the last thing I ever want to do is pull you out of the "zone". I am going to take another look at some scene's I've already written for the next chapter and I'm going to edit them slightly so they become more of an enjoyable experience for you in the next part. So now I know that both yourself and Rufus didn't think that the light and dark scene's went together all that well, this is great as I now know how to improve on this and ensure it doesn't happen again. Seriously, thank you for being honest with me, because it is as I've always said, I only ever want people to enjoy the chapters, so I like to know how I can potentially improve them and make them as enjoyable as I can for you all.

Well as you know there's going to be a massive fight scene at the beginning of the next part and I know Rufusluciusivan is keeping his eye on that, so I really want to deliver and give him the scene he really wants. After that we will witness the sisters going on the offensive and properly start to take apart her organisation, so I hope I'll be able keep it to tweak it a little and make it a much for enjoyable part for you............AND..........I think I've found a way to have the sisters infiltrate a location without them causing any confusion about the fact that they are not Asian.........Please bare with me on it and you'll see what I mean in the next part, it's not too much of a long shot and it should rectify the mistakes I made in this chapter.

[rufusluciusivan]

As I said to Rufus, I genuinely am truly SORRY for that, as believe me when I say, the last thing I ever want to do is pull you out of the "zone". I am going to take another look at some scene's I've already written for the next chapter and I'm going to edit them slightly so they become more of an enjoyable experience for you in the next part. So now I know that both yourself and Rufus didn't think that the light and dark scene's went together all that well, this is great as I now know how to improve on this and ensure it doesn't happen again. Seriously, thank you for being honest with me, because it is as I've always said, I only ever want people to enjoy the chapters, so I like to know how I can potentially improve them and make them as enjoyable as I can for you all.

I'll be discussing this topic one last time. Personally, as I said, the tonal whiplash worked well the first time. It's more the fact that the story briefly returned to something light-hearted before dwelving once more into the dark stuff that bothered me to some extent. I think there's some middle ground that can be found between high-lighting the evilness of a slave-trading ring and keeping the tone more light-hearted, but I personally think that you shouldn't tone down too much the dark stuff. If there is ONE thing I don't want to see edulcorated/romanticized/fetishicized, it's a slave-trading ring.

[Trackman281]

Rufusluciousvan - oh no no, I completely agree with you, sex slave rings are both disgusting and vile, so I will NEVER make them seem glamorous or good in any shape or form. But you are right. Some middle ground can definitely be found of where it could be both dark and still retain a sense of a light hearted story. and I am currently thinking of a way to do this as we speak funnily enough.

[tirepanted3]

Yes, you're right - if you're going to include sex rings in your story, they certainly shouldn't be glamorous. I was more commenting that I think your stories work better when they aim for lighter material, and the light/dark contrast here didn't quite work. But good to hear that you're accommodating this for the next chapter.